Is Your Job as a Perfectionist Burning YOU OUT?

My husband is a perfectionist. With perfectionism comes procrastination, which means endless tasks can go unfinished in our home. If he doesn't feel he can do something perfectly, he will have to analyze things a little deeper. When he does something, it can take him a long time, and he is the first to criticize the mistakes in his work. It also means he places high expectations on the people in his life with very black-and-white standards and rigidity.

When perfectionist behavior is applied in a high-pressure work environment, tension is created inside the person as well as around them. Now, my husband is quite extreme if I look at the High D on his Predictive Index scale, and it's just as well that he isn't in a high-pressure role. Because if he were, he'd be burning out.

With burnout running rampant, it's a good idea to know the symptoms and some of the risk factors.

Signs and Symptoms

Burnout leaves you feeling like your tank is empty. You lack care about your work or home life, likely feel distanced from your job, and may even be cynical. You may start to have days like this that turn into weeks. You can't seem to get enough sleep, and no gas station is in sight to refuel your drained brain. Headaches, memory problems, disturbed sleep, and feelings of depression could all be lurking in your life.

If you are a perfectionist, you are at a higher risk of burning out because of your high and unachievable standards.

Problems Delegating

Perfectionists often place unrealistic expectations on themselves and others. Because they like to do things well, they can be reluctant to hand tasks to others or ask for help because they lack trust in others' abilities. It can also lead to micromanaging. All of this means they have a lot to do!

While we do want to do things to the best of our abilities, there is a point where it can be too much.

What Perfectionists Think

If you are a perfectionist, you may experience some, if not all, of these thoughts:

• Right is right, and wrong is wrong
• I know the best way to do things
• If I can't do it perfectly, then I won't do it at all
• Others have low standards
• I need to do things better than others
• Excess worry or rumination
• This is a complete disaster or catastrophizing
• Recovering from mistakes is hard.

The result is continual disappointment in yourself and others for not living up to those idealist expectations. You worry others will mess up your work and perfect systems. You may be a little (or a lot) self-righteous at times and have that passive-aggressive flavor.

Perfectionists feel they must take responsibility and fix things. When you do things well, you feel better about yourself; however, this feeling is often short-lived because around the corner will be something that doesn't work out as well. The downside of perfectionism is procrastination. If you are not confident you can do it well, you won't do it or delay doing it, which creates further stress and tension.

It's not a bad thing to want to do things well. It's preferred, right? However, the toll perfectionism takes on you, AND those around you has a steep price.

The Impact on People Around a Perfectionist

People who work or live with perfectionists can find them to be inflexible. Unspoken expectations create anxiety and frustration in the home or workplace. People around perfectionists may feel constantly criticized and feel no matter what they do, they will always be a disappointment. This doesn't bode well for a trusting and happy environment and can strain relationships.

Fortunately for my husband, I am a super low D, being super flexible and adaptable, which has allowed us to remain married for almost 30 years now.

With perfectionists carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders, it's no wonder they risk burnout.

Self coaching questions:

Have I been told my standards are too high?

What would happen if things/this were less perfect?

How do my standards get in my way?

How would your life be different if things didn't have to be so perfect?

How would it feel if you could let go of some of your expectations?

How is this impacting my relationships?

How might this be holding me back?

Like many things related to stress, much of what you experience comes from your thought patterns. When you catch and address those thoughts, you can change your experience. Changing your thoughts however is not an easy thing!

Some Tips:

Building self-awareness is the first step. Notice your positive and negative thoughts. Anytime you catch a negative thought, have a positive thought to replace it. Go from this is impossible to this is possible. Consider the best and worst-case scenarios, and the result will likely lie in the middle.

Talk to the people in your world and get some feedback from them. Ask them how they find working or living to your standards, and buckle in for the feedback. It will take some courage on their part to tell you. You will want to do some inner work before you approach these conversations so you don't take the feedback too personally! Talking with a coach can be a good way to unpack your thoughts in a safe and supportive way.

If you see any red flags around burnout, don't ignore them. When you fail to confront the things that challenge you, they will continue to challenge you. It's time to break yourself free and get real and raw with yourself. When you do, you will feel lighter, happier, and energized!

Vivien Hudson is a resilience and wellbeing coach. She works with leaders and their teams to foster resilient workplaces that thrive. Her favorite topic is stress and she comes from a background of 30 years in healthcare and knows what it takes to shift the needle in health and wellbeing.