Your Invisible Chain

Elephants are built to uproot trees using only their trunk, yet these circus elephants never try to leave. Elephants in their natural habitat would break free from their bondage and roam as they pleased. So why don’t these circus elephant simply walk out of the circus? It’s not like anyone would be able to stop them easily. The reason why circus elephants don’t escape is that they believe in false limitations. They believe in invisible chains.

You see, in order accomplish this , trainers will first take a baby elephant, when it is most vulnerable, out of captivity and into the circus environment. The trainer then takes a huge metal clasp and tightly closes it around the baby elephant’s ankle. That ankle clasp is then affixed to a heavy metal chain, which is hammered into the ground using a thick metal stake. It is at that very moment that the baby elephant’s instincts kick in. It tells itself that something is terribly wrong and it must break free. The baby elephant notices that it is attached to this contraption and tugs at the chain, panicking as it realizes it cannot escape. An instantaneous tantrum occurs because the baby elephant knows that this bondage is not normal.

Fast-forward 10 years: this baby elephant has grown to weigh over 6,000 pounds. Even though it is a massive and majestic animal, the circus elephant forever believes it is trapped within the circus tent. Now the trainers only need to tie a small woven rope around its ankle, just tight enough for the elephant to feel its pressure. When the fully grown elephant senses this rope, it believes it is still that same baby elephant. It doesn't know that it can break free. The elephant is bound by invisible chains.

We all know this story, we have heard a version of this too many times. And we realised somehow, we have this 'invisible chain' in us too; limiting us from doing something we really want. What we might now know, and might not realise is how to effectively break this chain.

So let me break it down to you:

Step 1: Self -Reflection

You can break your invisible chains. To be able to do this, you first need to know what these chains are and how they got there. To learn about yourself, you must engage in self-reflection. Self-reflection is deep thought about yourself, your past and your experiences.

Ask yourself some tough questions: Was there any moment where you were tasked to do something, and you rejected first hand without even trying? Were you asked to speak on stage, and you label yourself as someone with 'stage-fright'?. Just choose one for the purpose of this exercise.

Step 2: Reconnect to past memory

Clearly, there are many ways to go about this, but we find that it is often easiest to start with the question, "What was the moment when everything changed for me? There was a pre-me and a post-me after that event." You might already begin to see that this is likely your primary self-defining memory. We are able to recall these memories with a good degree of accuracy with little effort.

Starting at these pivotal moments, you are able to ask yourself questions about who you were before and who you have become since. This helps you flesh out your story with what details are truly self-defining memories. This exercise will also help you got recall yourself before 'the so called' incident happened.

Step 3: Recreate your story

Now, you may realise some of the underlying cause of your 'invisible chain' had got to do with something that happened either during your young times or vulnerable time. Now knowing this, you are empowered to change the situation. It only take ONE different result for you to change your entire narrative.

Let's put this into practice:

1. Step 1: Let's say you have always associated yourself as someone who cannot speak in public (stage fright).
2. Step 2: You recall back, vividly, about that one time, in kindergarten you were asked to tell a story. You somehow stammered and forgot the next time, and stood there, bewildered. You are now in front of everyone, who are looking at you, intensifying the whole situation. You may realise some of your friends laughed at you (sometimes we may dramatise a situation which is not true at all). Crying, you left the stage. And that was the defining moment, where you will not speak on stage again.
3. Step 3: Now, you are an adult. And you recall back; how many situations and challenges that you have handled on your own. You are now not only a confident adult, but you have come into terms that it is okay to make mistakes and it is ok to freeze on stage. After all, you are human. Armed with this knowledge and awareness, you are now empowered to change your narrative. And you decided to go on stage (maybe just a short introductory speech?). You realised it is not bad at all, and in fact you have aced it. And just like that, you have broken your invisible chain.

A reminder though, in many cases, it take multiple trials to break the invisible chain. It is okay. Remember, it took years to build this chain in your mind, and it is totally fine if you didn't break it at the first go. Keep trying!