If your inner voice is criticising all the time then know this...

I don't know about you, but for a long time (I'm still working on it) I had this outer voice where I would project a certain image to the world and look calm and serene, but inside would be anything but.?

Chatter. Chatter. Chatter.??

My inner voice was so critical.?

It kept on talking, talking, talking. It just wouldn’t SHUT UP!?

I’d be at work doing a new procedure I was a little bit nervous about. Next minute the inner critic would just come out and start to pummel me.?

"Oh no, Fern, the patient's not numb enough, they're going to feel this.”?

“Who do you think you are?”?

“You've gone and sliced the wrong area!”?

“You're going to hit the nerve and the implant.”?

“Oh no, Fern, that patient's looking really anxious. She probably doesn't like you at all."

What I know about the inner critic is this:??

It comes from our childhood.?

With all the work I’ve done around this area, I know this to be the absolute truth to me.

For me, it’s the inner child whose needs were not met and learned to please so they could fit in and be loved. This one is a popular pattern for many of us, I know.?

See, my father was super overbearing and critical, and I just wanted to please him all the time. Nothing ever felt like it was up to his standards though.??

And so that voice gradually became my own.

“You're not good enough!"

Over and over again.?

And here's the thing.?

When we try and squash it down, numb it out, armour with defensiveness or distract ourselves - anything not to have to listen to it, it just GROWS.?

Even with ALL the hundreds-of-thousands of work I have invested in, this little inner child in me is still so unmet and I’m working deeply with her every day so I don’t keep repeating the same patterns throughout my work and relationships.

For me to fully meet this and switch it around once and for all, it's so important for me to step into her.

To see her and meet her with compassion, listen to her feelings, get curious when big emotions blow up and ask, “Is this you, inner child?”?

Once we are talking, I can sit with her and gently tell her “you are safe”.?

It might sound silly, but it works.

Until we can heal the fragmented parts of ourselves, we are not whole.?

We move through life being inflamed by the same things, the same situations. And I honestly believe that if you are being triggered repeatedly by something, that’s a call for you to look there and go, "What is that thing I need to step into right now?"?

If you don't, the same stuff will just keep happening over and over again in different forms until you get the lesson.?

If you want to heal the inner critic, you’ve got to heal the inner child first.?

There are no shortcuts when it comes to psychology, and I do recommend that everyone finds a therapist they can work though this stuff with on a deeper level.

So for you today, just watch and see:?

What does she need today??

How does she need more empathy, compassion??

It’s time to really start to nurture. Listen in deeply to yourself and validate feelings because every feeling is REAL for you.?

And just watch if you can separate your parent's voice from your own.?

I know this is a huge topic, and I wanted to touch upon it because left unchecked it can paralyse us from moving forwards with our career and stepping up to be the best that we can be.

And I honestly believe you have as many skills, if not more, than your male counterparts. It's just a matter of confidence.?

Trust in yourself.?

Have self-compassion.?

Use those superpowers.?

Call on them. Give them to yourself first and then go out into the world and heal with heart.?

The world needs more of that.

Love,

Fern

P.S. If you want to know how to deal with your inner critic and make MORE of your life by taking back what stress is stealing from you, click here.