Your Image Counts!

How do people see you?

Every day we get up, wash, get dressed and walk out of the door. All around us everyone else lives their own lives. People we know now, people we might know in future and the people we will never see again. Every time we pass someone, they will notice us, just as we notice them. Usually not in a big way, just as a sketch of a person, handled and filed by our mutual unconscious biases. The old guy in the suit, the adolescent in the hoodie, the fashionista. All of us one small part of a far bigger picture. All there, noticed and handled along with all the other noise in our always busy lives.

Why is this important?
Why is being noticed in a small way relevant to us as we pass through the lives of everyone around us? 
What value does knowing that have in our lives?

Unconscious Biases

The mind of each person creates these sketches based upon a set of unconscious biases. We all have them and we all do this. Many of them are shared, but each individual will also have their own specifics based upon their own life experiences.

Many of the mental shortcuts that make up unconscious biases are completely predictable, based as they are upon social norms and expectations. Others are more complex, based upon a greater understanding of our unconscious recognition of the visual cues presented by expressions and body language. But overall, by understanding they exist, we can recognize that they have important value to our life as unique individuals. Unconscious bias means that what you appear to be, is who you are to those around you. Understanding this, means it is possible to influence and perhaps benefit from the unconscious biases of others.

Social grouping

The first group are relatively straight forward. Almost everyone likes to conform to something, even the ‘non-conformists’ will usually behave within a similar set of boundaries that take them away from the mainstream. In general, most of us are simply cut from the same normal cloth and there is nothing wrong with that. We all feel more comfortable dressing in a manner that matches colleagues, friends and partners. We all like to belong to a greater group, enjoying the sense of inclusion it offers.

The real individual is very rare to find, the person who truly has found their own unique niche in the world. That takes a level of bravery and innovation that few can truly demonstrate or handle.

Emotional visibility

The second group is more complex. It is the image and personality we present. In our mannerisms, our expressions, the subtle cues of our behavior. These provide an indication of our feelings to those around us. The smile of the happy, the hunched back of the burdened, the drawn face of the sad. (Do remember though, that these are broad strokes assessments, with the reality usually far more confused).

These emotional cues are clearly important for those we know, we frequently want them to know how we feel, want to gain support and acceptance, validation for whatever we feel today. But what of those we don’t know, what is happening there? The way in which you are perceived emotionally also becomes a part of how they will interact with you. If you are smiling, people will smile back. If you frown, then people will tend to stay away. It seems so simple, we all do it, but we do it without conscious thought.

First Impressions

The product of our unconscious biases becomes the basis for first impressions. We can all re-evaluate people once we get to know them. But it takes energy, we have to think and our brains usually just don’t want to bother. The brain is at root, lazy, it doesn’t want to waste vital energy and resources on serious thought if the first impression is ‘good enough’. So, if a first impression works, then most of the time, it sticks. (This means that first impressions really do count).

Look again at the three categories of people we meet:

The ones we know now. They have decided upon their first impression and will usually interact with you based upon that. Perhaps at some point if you have shifted far enough from the first impression, they will re-evaluate you. Frequently that’s not the case and you will remain forever who they decided you were initially. So if you have established a negative image and receive negative responses, then the only way to change that is to start presenting as positive as soon as possible and stick with it.

The ones we will never see again. They make their sketch first impression and will almost always interact with you accordingly. ‘What you appear to be, is who you are’. Usually this means that what you appear to be emotionally is what you get. Happy and friendly gets a positive response, angry and surly gets a negative response.
Professional ‘people people’ such as bar or shop staff may appear to give a positive response to almost everyone, but remember that’s what they're being paid for!

The ones we might know in future. This is where things start to get interesting. They make a sketch first impression and store it. Then maybe they see you again and repeat … and repeat. Each iteration moving you nearer to becoming a real person rather than background noise, you become familiar. If you consistently present the same image to them over time, then what becomes familiar to them is that image. Through consistency you become the happy old guy in the suit, the sad adolescent in the hoodie, the angry fashionista. When you properly meet them in the future, then that becomes the shortcut their brain will take as its starting point, the sum of the physical and emotional images you have presented each time they have seen you.

What does this all mean to you?

Looking at things in this way allows only one conclusion. In order to increase the chance of being received and accepted in the best possible way, both today and in the future, you should always present a positive image. Behave in a positive manner towards everyone! In the workplace this becomes tantamount, simply looking confident and happy will pay back dividends. It’s not going to be an overnight thing, but stick with it, you will start to see the differences sooner than you think.

The best part of it all? As you get positive feedback from others it starts to make you feel even happier yourself, it’s a happiness feedback loop.
Happy out = happy in.

So why not try it?

1. Smile at your friends, show them you are pleased to see them.
2. Smile at the familiar faces you see every day, see how long it takes them to start smiling back (less time than you think).
3. Try to smile at everyone and start to see how much that changes the way in which people respond to you in your life! (I appreciate this may seem like a challenge sometimes).

We can all usually be happy with people we know and that is certainly a good thing. So add the people that you see frequently in you daily life - but don’t know. Make the effort, look them in the eye and smile. Even though they may not smile back straight away, keep at it. Give it time, don’t force it, but sooner than you think, you’ll start to get smiles back from almost all of them. You'll be amazed how much happier that makes you feel. You may even get to know them ...

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