Are your high standards hurting you?

Do you have high standards? Do you care about every detail being just right? Maybe people call you “picky”—like my kids did when they were growing up. It was said jokingly, but my “pickiness” was often annoying.

Traits like these often indicate perfectionism.

Caring about things being done well is all fine and good, but perfectionists carry things to a level that is problematic—for themselves and for people around them.

As a recovering perfectionist (I’m a Type One on the Enneagram), I know a lot about the subject.

And I can tell you, it’s exhausting to be a perfectionist.

If you relate, or you care about a perfectionist in your life, exploring this subject may help you.

The tyranny of perfectionism

It’s worth understanding the range of negative impacts of perfectionism—for both perfectionists and those around them.

The impacts of perfectionism on the perfectionist

The exhaustion of relentlessly striving for perfection adds enormous stress to life. And goodness knows, we have all endured enough stress this year that adding to it is just awful. In fact, stress can be toxic.

Perfectionism is the root cause of procrastination—another way perfectionists suffer. After all, if it has to be perfect it can feel scary to get started on any project. And the inevitable stress of needing to create something great at the 11th hour adds stress on top of stress. You can see where this is headed.

For some people, perfectionism can become so extreme that it’s debilitating. I hear from people whose jobs make them miserable due to the pressure they feel to be perfect.

And perfectionists have a hard time delegating. Everything they think they need to do themselves to get it done “right” adds to the weight they carry—at work and at home.

Each day can feel unbearable, and burnout can result.

But even for those who live with a more moderate level of perfectionism, there are downsides. They often lose perspective about what is really important as they aim for everything to be perfect. And the undercurrent of fear about not being good enough takes a psychic toll.

How perfectionists impact others

Perfectionists can be hard on those around them.

When some show up as being picky about things, it can annoy the people in their midst.

When perfectionists are judgmental of others who don’t meet their impossibly high standards, they can be tougher to be around.

And when a perfectionist feels angry about someone else not meeting their standards, things can get really rough. Even if they don’t intend to be harsh, these perfectionists can hurt people’s feelings and worse.

Leaders who struggle with perfectionism are often disliked, as well as feared. This is terrible for both perfectionists and those who work for them.

How to join the ranks of recovering perfectionists

1. Lighten up

Ok, for a perfectionist. that is easier said than done. After all, perfectionism is deeply rooted in those who struggle with it.

You might start with getting comfortable with the idea that “almost perfect” is good. Give it a solid effort and be ok with that. After all, you’re idea of “almost perfect’ is likely to be seen as terrific by many people!

Think about what is most important as well as what is the wisest way to use your time. Are you focused on making something perfect at the expense of something else that is actually more important? Is striving to make things perfect on a particular project robbing you of time that can be better spent in other ways—at work, or in your personal life? When you get clear can you take a fresh approach?

2. Trust the adage that “perfect is the enemy of good”

Try to focus on process as much as product—enjoy the journey!

And try the 80/20 approach. Launching that website when it’s 80% of what you consider “perfect” and having people access your content sooner, is so much better than delaying the site launch until you are 100% happy with every last detail. There is always time to polish or add more later.

Appreciate yourself for completing a project and getting it into the world. And appreciate that you did it sooner than if you had labored over it longer.

3. Savor the inner peace

When you practice and are gradually able to loosen the grip of perfectionism, you will notice many positive changes.

Imagine how good it will feel to work on projects a little at a time, with less procrastination and fewer last-minute crunches.

Allow yourself to enjoy the process, rather than anxiously focusing only on the outcome, and you will add pleasure to your daily life.

Consider projects complete before they are “perfect.” That will alleviate stress and feel terrific.

When you delegate with clarity, and are able to see that others will sometimes do things somewhat differently than you would, but that their way is fine, you’ll experience a huge sense of relief.

And if you need to give constructive criticism and allow them to give it another go, their eventual ability to handle that kind of matter will free you up in wonderful ways.

All of that will make you happier, raise your self-esteem, and make those around you able to appreciate you in a whole new light.

Are you ready to stop being a perfectionist?

Leave a comment to let me know if perfectionism is a factor in your life—and if so, include how it impacts you.

And if you want help to end the negative pull of perfectionism, let’s talk.

As someone who has significantly overcome this problem, I help many women to move past procrastination.

I promise that our conversation will provide you with new insights and perspectives, as well as ways you can begin to change your life for the better right away.

And we can explore the possibility for you to be a part of my next Live Big Live! retreat, to help you create the life you want and deserve. Of course, if either of us feels the fit is not good, that’s absolutely fine.

Book a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me, or email me and we’ll make a date to talk.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

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About Rochelle Seltzer

Rochelle Seltzer is a Creative Core Coach and the author of Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life. Rochelle guides her clients to Live Big by igniting and accelerating the vast power of creativity.

She coaches accomplished women (and some men) who are frustrated by challenges that limit them and are ready to create the big, bold lives they dare to desire. And in her Live Big Leadership work with organizations, Rochelle coaches leaders to be powerful creators. She also leads customized programs that deliver powerful creative and learning experiences for teams. She always welcomes a conversation, so get in touch.

Visit rochelleseltzer.com to learn more, and sign up to receive her Big Ideas.

Check out the Creators Of Change Resources on Rochelle’s site to access a growing list of resources for learning and action related to ending systemic racism. You will also find the link there to join her bi-weekly Creators of Change Zoom calls.

And, take Rochelle up on her free offer—a guide to help busy women (and men!) begin to reduce overwhelm. Creating Space for YOU: Easy, Small Changes that Can Make a Big Impact.