Your happiness changes everything.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

A lesson learnt while doing one of the hardest jobs I had ever done.

The job wasn’t the hardest, my writing wasn’t bad for them, and the company wasn’t shitty, nevertheless, it was something I was starting to dislike.

It had been long, it had been long doing things which I loved to do, it had been long talking to my mom with the same enthusiasm which I always had for her as soon as I saw her beautiful face.

It had been long investing in my relationships the way?I should and long sitting in one corner of the room holding my favourite book in one hand and a cup of hot tea in another, enjoying reading, learning something new, sipping away tea as I feel it passing through my throat.

Because I was too busy, I was travelling 4 hours every single day, and my work day started at 6 am and ended at 9.

The balance between work and life was nowhere to be seen and I was in crisis.

I had a lot to do beyond work which I wanted to prioritize such as writing my journal, reading books and living my life and not feeling the need to say no to people I love because I only had one Sunday to live for myself, now what do I pick up?

My hobby, my mom, one friend that I have, the fact that I have planned on writing a book for the longest time, reading or maybe calligraphy practice.

There was too much on my plate and time too less.

And even with all of this, I was late for work every single day.

Days kept passing the hustling and bustling of the city was getting out of control.

Coming from a small town I had never had to face traffic and the countable times I had ever come across traffic I think lasted for almost 15 seconds. I always stayed in, I didn’t have friends and I was more than happy with myself watching shin-chan on my bed while munching on Oreos.

Moving out to a developed city made me question my whole life. Everything felt chaotic the number of cars on the roads felt annoying, and the crowd on the bus irked me.

I didn’t necessarily like the city.

After 2 hours I got off the bus running and panicking because I knew I had missed my stop, I was a stop ahead and that was also 1.5 km away from the office. I was walking on the opposite road and there was no going back, every single vehicle was coming towards me at a speed as if they would go over me.

I reached the office and exhaustion got me so emotional that the tear which was sitting on the threshold of my eyes left, and I tried to inhale deeply maybe thinking that tears would get back in.

I never have been a crybaby but also I never cried as much as I cried that one month.

The whole month included me crying and trying my best to just go through things.

Being told, “It’s okay other people are going through it too!” annoyed me further as the words of pity reach my ear.

It was another day when I decided that I would have to get away from this feeling of not being able to do my best.

Because I was just too exhausted to do anything. Yes, physical exhaustion does reach your head sooner than you might think.

I decided to quit.

As the conductor passed me the ticket and loose change which clinked with one another as I put it in my small coin purse.

The fast-paced city, full of hustle and bustle, which was difficult for me to adapt to, the city which annoyed me with its traffic, the city I felt left out at because of the language barrier and the city full of youngsters who were, in fact, my age with the mindset I couldn’t seem to reciprocate… All of this felt calm.

The bus stopped at every stop just the way it used to but this particular day it was so much more beautiful.

The beautiful city lights, the skyline in the orange sunset as the sun slowly sets with its full glory, the elderly people smiling and looking at each other, people glancing at their wristwatches with furrowed brows worrying if they would be late for their destination, two best friends in school uniform walking tightly holding each other’s hand both having the same haircut and jumping with happiness as they talked about how their day at school was every single thing… Felt peaceful.

This day I realised that you never be able to share anyone’s happiness until you’re happy.

This day I understood the actual meaning of, “A glass half-filled can’t fill others.”

You would have to be overflowing yourself to be able to share the same happiness with others.

From that day to today, my respect for people at work has grown tremendously and everyone who manages to stay sane with odd working hours because they are madly passionate about it.

So today, when I am actually content with the work that I do I feel privileged in a way because not everyone gets to love their work wholeheartedly for a long time.

So here this post was for you to understand that your life is too short to not choose what you love to do because one bad thing is more than enough to make you question your whole existence.

We are often driven by needs and desperation so much that we forget that being disappointed with ourselves for over 2000 hours a year would be a way more expensive price to pay than you might think.