Your Guide to Making Friends at Any Age

Dear Friends,

“You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” a quote attributed most often to motivational speaker Jim Rohn. There's also the “show me your friends and I'll show you your future” version. Whichever you've heard, the intent is the same.?

Certainly, the pandemic put friendships in perspective. Loneliness is now also an epidemic. And as we get older, our friendships change. It may be time to double down, make some cuts, or expand your circle to meet new and interesting people!

A Framework to Evaluate Your Friendships

I'd encourage you to consider the following criteria when evaluating a friendship:

1. Mutual support and understanding: Does this friend offer emotional support when you need it? Do they make an effort to understand your perspective?
2. Trust and respect: Can you trust this person with personal information? Do they respect your boundaries and values?
3. Reciprocity: Is there a healthy balance of give and take in the friendship? Do both of you contribute to maintaining the relationship?
4. Positive influence: Does this friend encourage your personal growth and well-being? Do you feel good about yourself after spending time with them?
5. Conflict resolution: When disagreements arise, can you communicate openly and resolve issues constructively?
6. Shared interests and values: While differences can be enriching, do you have enough common ground to enjoy spending time together?
7. Reliability: Can you count on this friend to follow through on commitments and be there when you need them?
8. Authenticity: Do you feel comfortable being your true self around this person? Do they seem genuine in their interactions with you?
9. Empathy: Does your friend show genuine care and concern for your feelings and experiences?

If you answer “no” to more than a couple of these questions, you may want to reevaluate the friendship. Keep reading for tips on how to find friendships that better align!

??As your Retirement Coach, I assure you that social connections are crucial for healthy aging and contribute to better mental health, cognitive function, and overall well-being. Let's explore some practical ways to expand your social circle.

The New York Times Friendship Challenge

The New York Times recently launched a 7-Day Friendship Challenge , designed to help people of all ages strengthen existing relationships and form new ones. This challenge offers daily exercises to boost your social connections. Here's a brief overview:

1. Day 1: Reach out to an old friend Reconnect with someone you've lost touch with through a call, text, or email.
2. Day 2: Practice small talk Engage in brief conversations with acquaintances or strangers to build social confidence.
3. Day 3: Turn an acquaintance into a friend Deepen a casual relationship by sharing more personal information or planning an activity together.
4. Day 4: Show appreciation Express gratitude to a friend, highlighting specific qualities you admire.
5. Day 5: Make time for friends Schedule regular catch-ups or activities with friends to maintain connections.
6. Day 6: Be a better listener Practice active listening skills to enhance the quality of your conversations.
7. Day 7: Make a new friend Take steps to form a new friendship, such as joining a club or initiating a conversation with someone new.

I encourage you to try this challenge and see how it impacts your social life!

The Power of Volunteering

Volunteering is an excellent way to meet like-minded individuals while contributing to your community:

• Local food banks or soup kitchens
• Animal shelters
• Environmental conservation groups
• Mentoring programs

Resource: VolunteerMatch - Find volunteer opportunities in your area.

Pursue Your Passions

Joining clubs or groups related to your interests is a natural way to connect with others:

• Book clubs at your local library
• Gardening societies
• Art classes or workshops
• Photography groups

Tip: Check your local community center or Meetup.com for groups in your area.

Act Three Podcast Featuring Longtime Friends!

In the Act Three podcast episode featuring Erica Baird and Karen Wagner, the founders of Lustre, the two women discuss their journey of creating a platform aimed at redefining retirement for modern women. They delve into their personal experiences, the challenges they faced, and the motivations behind Lustre. Throughout the conversation, it becomes evident that Erica and Karen have been friends for a long time, sharing a deep bond that has significantly influenced their professional collaboration. Their enduring friendship is highlighted by their mutual respect, shared vision, and the seamless way they complement each other's strengths and weaknesses.

You may want to join Lustre to find some like-minded virtual friends!

Stay Active, Stay Connected

Physical activity not only keeps you healthy but also provides opportunities for social interaction:

• Join a walking or hiking group
• Try water aerobics or yoga classes
• Participate in local sports leagues?
• Pickleball! It’s all the rage. Find schedules and locations in your neighborhood!

Intergenerational Connections

Forming friendships across generations can be incredibly rewarding. Consider these options:

1. Become a mentor: Share your wisdom and experience with younger individuals through programs like SCORE .
2. Take classes at a local college: Many institutions offer reduced or free tuition for seniors.
3. Join intergenerational book clubs or discussion groups at your local library or community center.
4. Participate in community gardens: These often attract people of all ages.
5. Volunteer at schools: Many schools welcome senior volunteers for reading programs or as classroom helpers.

The Vexing Problem of the 'Medium Friend'

Friendships come in various intensities, and the "medium friend" occupies a unique space in our social circles. These are the people we enjoy spending time with but don't consider our closest confidants. This article from The New York Times explores this phenomenon, highlighting how medium friendships can be both rewarding and challenging. These relationships often provide a sense of community and social connection without the deep emotional investment of best friendships. However, maintaining medium friendships can be tricky, as they require a delicate balance of effort and boundaries. The article suggests that embracing these relationships can enrich our social lives and provide valuable connections, even if they don't reach the level of our closest bonds.

Korean Savings Groups: A Unique Approach to Friendship and Finance

This fascinating article highlights a Korean tradition that combines friendship and financial planning. Known as "gyemoim," these savings groups are formed by friends to save money for shared experiences like vacations, meals, and other social activities. This practice not only helps friends afford luxurious experiences together but also strengthens their bonds through shared financial goals. The article describes how one group of friends was able to enjoy a lavish resort stay thanks to their gyemoim savings. This concept offers an interesting perspective on how financial cooperation can enhance friendships and social experiences. Read more about gyemoim here .

?? BONUS: The Art of Hosting and Attending Parties ??: A Guide for All Ages

For those looking to expand their social circles through hosting or attending gatherings, The New York Times has published a comprehensive guide on the art of partying. This interactive feature offers valuable advice for both hosts and guests, covering everything from planning and invitations to conversation starters and proper etiquette. Whether you're throwing a dinner party or attending a social event, these tips can help you navigate social situations with confidence and grace, potentially leading to new friendships and stronger connections. The guide is particularly useful for those who may feel out of practice with social gatherings (I feel like we all need a little refresher post-Covid!). Explore the party guide here .

? Remember, building friendships takes time and effort, but the rewards are immeasurable. Stay open, be patient, and don't hesitate to take the first step in starting a conversation.

Stay tuned for weekly content about travel, health, relationships, identity, spirituality, doing good and starting a new venture as it relates to retirement/the next chapter in your life ?

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Warm regards,

Cara Gray Retirement Coach

P.S. If you want to start planning your retirement, set up a time on my calendar for a chat: Schedule a Chat with Cara

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