Your Future is NOT in Your Past

My wife Michelle, and I recently returned from an amazing 17 day trip to Asia, the majority of the time being spent in the Philippines. I had been invited to speak at the Leading with Heart, Global Women's Summit. I was honored and grateful for this awesome opportunity. This event officially made me an "International Speaker". I had been preparing, planning and mentally getting ready for this trip and my speaking event for a few months. I was filled with excitement and a bit of trepidation. You see, many years ago I lived in the Philippines. In fact, I lived there for over 10 years. I went as a volunteer missionary with an international nondenominational Christian organization. I loved living in the Philippines. I learned the culture and became fluent in two of the main languages- Tagalog and Ilokano. I got married to a Filipina woman, we had 2 children and I believed I was going to live the rest of my life in the Philippines. At that time we were actually living in a mountain village with no electricity, no indoor plumbing- a vary simple existence. Those of you who know me, may find that very hard to believe, but I assure you that it is true and I have pictures to prove it. Of course that was many years ago.

Everything was going great, when, as they say-'life happened'. We became pregnant with our 3rd child, we went home to the US for a visit and upon arriving back in Manila, Philippines-within 24 hours, our baby was born. Prematurely. Very premature. My wife, at the time, experienced complications during labor and had to have operations and was bedridden after that. A lot of challenges and trials came our way. Eventually our baby passed away, our marriage broke up and I ultimately returned to the states. That was 25 years ago.

Now, this opportunity to speak at this Global Summit was presented to me. I spent weeks visualizing being on that stage-inspiring, engaging, sharing my story and yes, speaking a bit in Tagalog. I practiced for nights in my sleep. The summit was only 2 days, the rest of the time, I imagined a trip of a lifetime for Michelle, and me. My intention for our travels was two fold. One, to take her to some of the locations where I lived-I even had the addresses (yes 25 years later) memorized and the others, I knew the area but not the exact address. Second, I had an intention to also, and mostly, experience the Philippines together, in a new way, new experiences, creating our memories.

The second intention, experiencing the Philippines together, having fun, trying new things, creating our memories-that happened from day one. I'll share pictures and anecdotes in future post. My other plan-of taking Michelle to see the places where I lived and worked as a missionary both in Manila and Baguio, was so elusive. I would make a plan that we would do it the next day, but our day got busy (everything takes longer in Asia), so I would put it in my mind that we'll do it tomorrow. Or I would say aloud to Michelle, tomorrow we're going to go to... place. She did not seem to share my same enthusiasm but she did say she was open and willing. I was determined to make it happen.

Our first week was spent in Manila, the capital city. Then we had 4 days in Baguio-the summer capital, 'City of Pines'. While in Baguio we even took a taxi to the area where I used to live. But I couldn't find the house that I used to live in. Supposedly it was the same street. But it wasn't there. "Well, it has been 25 years," Michelle reminded me. "Yeah, but I want to find it. I want to see it and show you where I used to live."

Why? Why was I so bent on going to the past and bringing my wife with me? Because I'm nostalgic? Because I want to share my past with the one I love. I don't really know. I just knew that's what I wanted to do.

When we returned to Manila, I was even more determined to find and show her those places. The ones in Baguio weren't as important to me. And what were these locations that I was so focused on finding and revisiting? The first house I lived in with other missionaries when I arrived in Manila. It was important to me because that's where my career as a missionary began. It was in that neighborhood on that street where I learned to speak Tagalog. I wanted to show her the community of squatters who lived on the banks of the dirty Pasig river. That's where we did feeding and medical programs. It's not a very nice, clean area. The other one I intended to show her was another house in a nicer part of town of Metro Manila where I lived with the mission community. Nothing really special about it except that I lived there and had some memories.

The last place I wanted to take her was the last house that I lived in with my family, with my kids before their Mom and I separated. Why? What value would that have brought? Was that going to make me feel great, reliving that painful memory? Was that going to make Michelle connect with me more? Although I tried, I planned and I was intent on making these visits-each day the plan was thwarted. I didn't make a big deal about it. Mostly, I was intent on it internally and just mentioned it a couple times to Michelle.

Finally one night while I was sleeping I got the hint. I felt God saying to me, "You don't need to go back to the past. That will not serve you. It certainly will not serve your relationship with Michelle. She knows you lived here. She knows you served this nation's people. She knows you speak Tagalog-believe me, she knows! She knows your past. You don't have to revisit a location to remember. Take the good memories and cherish them. Leave the pain behind. YOUR FUTURE IS NOT IN YOUR PAST."

Thanks for reading. This message may resonate with you. It's not for everyone. But I felt led to share with you.

To Your Fulfilling Future!

Christoff J. Weihman

https://christoff360.com/