Your Focus Determines Your Reality

Working mothers were all around me growing up. As a first-generation immigrant child, it took a community of such women to raise me. The role models that my mother, aunts, cousins and neighbors were to me, largely shape who I am today, and I’m privileged to work among so many trailblazing working mothers at Healthfirst.

As a child of the 80s, I grew up with a frequently aired commercial for a fragrance spray called “Jean Nate.” In the catchy tune that accompanied the images of big haired, heavily shoulder-padded businesswomen carrying briefcases while balancing babies on the hips, I heard, “You can bring home the bacon AND fry it up in a pan.” The 80s working mom was expected to handle it all, be a perfectly coiffed super woman, effortlessly conquering the demands of both full-time work outside the home, while managing all the challenges of parenting and homelife with grace. As I look back on that imagery that was imprinted on me as a young woman, I choose to reject that expectation. I firmly believe we don’t need to do it all and let’s stop pretending that it’s all effortless. I speak frequently about how it’s okay to seek help from others. Yes, I will pay for someone to come clean the house, and no, I will not be spending all weekend cleaning. I have learned to communicate my needs to my spouse, vocalize when the load was uneven and consistently confront implicit and explicit expectations that as mothers, we’re supposed to handle it all. I cook infrequently, we are overly reliant on takeout.

I’m the mother of a 17-year-old daughter, who when I started at Healthfirst, was only 4 years old. My husband and I struggled with conceiving and consider our daughter to be a gift who we are blessed to parent and watch grow up. Even so, the challenges of being a working mother are real. I openly share with my colleagues and team members how difficult it is to manage the demands of work with the needs of my family. We send our daughter to an overly pricey private school because it offers more flexibility, programming and academic support than our local school. My daughter has participated in every kind of before and after school program available. She was oftentimes the first dropped off in the morning and the last to get picked up. I’m sure many can relate to the stress of white-knuckle driving to get to pick-up on time or get charged! Working in NYC while living in Long Island means that I must be hypervigilant about train schedules and rely on other parents when I can’t get there in time.

With the demands of work and home, I’ve had to decide to focus my energy on what is important to me. I’m a strong believer that you don’t have to do everything. But what you do, DO WELL. For me, that is being present for my daughter’s passion for competitive dance, which means getting her to endless practices, competition weekends, and sacrificed sleep. As a leader at Healthfirst, I hope that if I talk about the investment it takes to successfully take on what is important to me, I can be a good role model for those balancing their professional and personal lives. Many people depend on me in all my various roles as a Healthfirst leader, colleague, working parent, partner, friend; I must be cognizant of what is depleting but also what is restorative. I make time to go to the gym, take mental health walks, have dinner with my girlfriends and get a monthly massage. Prioritizing your family should not be construed as a negative as it relates to your career but oftentimes come with compromises. In my career, that has meant not pursuing roles that required heavy travel. At home, I navigate difficult conversations with my daughter about not being at every school event and risk disappointing her. It’s gotten easier as she’s gotten older and can appreciate that there are different facets of me, not just being her mother.

During International Women’s Day, I wish to celebrate you all and your professional successes while caring for your families and investing in your personal passions. Healthfirst is very supportive to our working parents, but your success requires focus. That focus determines your reality. Stay focused, working mothers of Healthfirst. I and many others here are Healthfirst will be right there with you.

About the Author

Laisha Washington is a Vice President of Clinical Quality at Healthfirst.