Are Your Financial Judgements Causing You Stress?

Running through our Financial Attitudes list yesterday was the easy list.

Here’s where it gets even more interesting. We have all kinds of secret, or not so secret, judgements around money and wealth (and people). Some of them are ugly beliefs that we don’t say out loud, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t there.?

Much like our money beliefs, our financial judgements impact our behaviour, especially towards other people.?

You probably aren’t going to like some of these, and you may not want to admit that you think or feel them.?

You may feel triggered by some of the phrasing too - but that’s how our shadow side works. These are often things that we might think but might also never say out loud, or admit to anyone else, because we know that they are unkind, unforgiving, socially unacceptable and judgemental.

But we may still think them because they are deeply programmed into us.?

Here’s the financial judgement list. Take a look through and see which ones, if any, you feel a mild or strong gut agreement with. That’s not the same as whether you would like to think them or not, in an ideal world; we want to audit our ugly thoughts!

“Poor people are lazy and lack ambition.“

“Wealthy people are greedy and selfish.“

“People in debt are irresponsible with their money.“

“If you're struggling financially, it's because you're not working hard enough.“

“People who receive government assistance are taking advantage of the system.“

“People who receive government assistance have failed in life.“

“Being frugal or thrifty means being cheap and stingy.“

“Financial success is a result of luck, not hard work or talent.“

“People who file for bankruptcy are trying to escape their financial responsibilities.“

“Those who live in poverty must have made poor life choices.“

“High earners are unethical or engage in unethical practices to make money.“

“If you're in financial trouble, it's your own fault and not society's problem.“

“People who don't have savings are reckless and irresponsible.“

“Living within your means means settling for a mediocre life.“

“Successful entrepreneurs exploit others to achieve their wealth.“

“Those who don't invest are financially ignorant.“

“People who receive inheritances didn't earn their wealth.“

“Financially independent individuals are selfish for not helping others more.“

“If you're not wealthy by a certain age, you've failed in life.“

“Investing in education is a waste of money; you can learn everything for free.“

“Having a high-paying job means sacrificing work-life balance and happiness.“

“Renting instead of owning a home is throwing money away.“

“Financial struggles are a sign of personal moral failing.“

“Financially successful people are heartless and lack empathy.“

“Living paycheck to paycheck is a result of poor money management.“

“If you don't donate a significant portion of your income to charity, you're selfish.“

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Self-esteem Protection

We often carry these around with us as a form of self-protection. We feel that as long as we aren’t like those ‘other people’ then we are OK. It’s as if we have attached some rightness or morality to money so that we can judge ourselves and others through money.?

In other words, we feel better about ourselves as long as we are ‘better’ than the other people who are on the wrong side of our judgement.

It’s often a message our parents passed down to us, or how we misinterpreted what they said.?

It’s not a particularly healthy structure to base our self-esteem on, or to judge others. Yet most of us carry some of these around.

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Self Judgement Too!

Don’t forget that if you judge other people in any of these ways, you almost certainly judge yourself in that way and possibly even harsher. Financial judgements can cause conflict, stress and anxiety in your life.

For example, if you believe that ‘Poor people are lazy and lack ambition’ then you are going to have a miserable time, feeling highly anxious and stressed, if you ever find yourself in a poorer financial position. Now you get to judge yourself as ‘lazy and lacking ambition’ on top of whatever else is going on.

Even if you never end up ‘poor’, that fear of being ‘poor’ might force you down a path of constantly seeking to earn more and more money at the expense of time with your family, and losing friends along the way.

The stronger your fear of ‘being poor’, the more you will judge those around you who don’t have money too.?

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How Do Your Judgements Serve You?

The question now is; how are those beliefs serving you? Are they making you happier? And how might they be holding you back or adding to your anxiety and stress unnecessarily.?

How might they be influencing your life choices in helpful or unhelpful ways?

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Why categorise people at all?

We can take this to another level as well - it is human nature to want to label and categorise other people. It is how our brain keeps us safe and identifies threats. But someone else’s financial position is very rarely a threat to us in any way.

How healthy or useful is it to categorise people as ‘poor’ or ‘wealthy’, ‘successful’ or ‘failing’, ‘hard working’ or ‘lazy’???

Why are we labelling people in those terms at all??

Those are both really tricky questions to answer. Often we have just grown up with people talking about other people as ‘poor’ or ‘rich’ and we have never questioned it.?

We see and hear that judgement of people all the time in the media; it’s no wonder we pick up some of it.?

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Example: “Hard Work” as a virtue

Politicians weaponise this kind of thinking to win votes - how often do you hear the phrase “hard working people of this country” as if hard work instantly makes us more valuable? We are trained to value “hard work” as if it’s a virtue.?

You might even be reading this and thinking “of course it’s a virtue”. That’s great - now you can see one of your financial judgements in action!

Politicians use that judgement so that you identify as a hard worker, rather than a 'lazy workshy sponger'… which is the assumed, but unspoken opposite.

It creates an ‘us and them’ scenario. It creates a divide so that they can manipulate you into supporting them, because they are on the side of hard workers.

None of it is healthy.

If you’ve been brought up to believe that we should ‘work hard’ it’s going to be really tough, potentially, for you to see through this.

Why aren’t we brought up to believe that we should work with joy?

Or that work should be uplifting, creative, fun, rewarding or a shared pleasure?

Who picked ‘hard’? The employers of course.?

The Impact of Thinking of 'Hard Work' as a Virtue

Once the belief that we are a ‘better person’ for being hard working is in our heads though, it can cause stress in many different ways:

If we are unemployed we worry that people will judge us as lazy and worthless.

When we take time off for self-care or to pursue our passions, guilt often creeps in, as if we're somehow less worthy for not working ourselves to the bone. We may hide it from people, and we feel shame.

We may find it challenging to delegate tasks or ask for help, believing that doing everything ourselves equates to hard work.

The pressure to constantly prove our dedication at work can lead to burnout and negatively impact our mental and physical health.

We may prioritise long hours and overtime over spending quality time with loved ones, assuming that hard work is the ultimate measure of success.

So you can see how if you have financial judgement around ‘hard work’ it can directly impact your mental health. Some of the stress comes from an intrinsic desire to ‘work hard’, but plenty also comes from avoiding the judgement of other people.

How might your financial judgements of yourself and others impact on your life like this?

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Financial Judgements create barriers

How often are we judging people, judging ourselves, and putting barriers up that prevent us from making new friends with people who are in a different financial position to ourselves?

How often are we making financial assumptions about other people that might cause stress and friction?

I would go as far as to say that none of those financial judgements in that list are healthy or helpful. They all put unnecessary judgements in place that can make our life worse.?

So what do we do about it? I can certainly feel the echoes of some of those financial judgements in me, but I am also aware of them now and can therefore choose to override them (sometimes).?

I am hoping that you have gained some new insight around any financial judgements you may have.?

Now you can spot them whenever they come up and ask yourself “is that helpful or fair?”.?

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