Your "feedback face" is talking

With feedback, what we show matters more than what we say.

Even well-crafted feedback can fall flat if it's not supported by the right signals. The raw force of our "feedback face" can change the way others perceive and receive what's said. Facial gestures, eye movements, and even our tone of voice make up the visual canvas that gives feedback its depth and dimension. Our faces tell a story, but not always the one we want to share.

Putting a new face to feedback

Just how persuasive is our "feedback face"? It can change the meaning of feedback: Giving negative feedback with positive cues (a smile or reassuring nod) made the message seem better than intended, while sharing positive feedback with negative cues (a frown or disapproving glance) made it sound much worse.

What's more, those who received the sad-faced feedback felt stung by it for longer periods of time than those who heard the same exact message without any facial cueing! Apparently, our “feedback face” makes a very strong impression.

Let's face it: The mind believes what the eye sees. When getting feedback from others, we instinctively scan and search for anything that might help us "read" what we're hearing. A wince, perhaps, or maybe parsed lips. The slant of their eyes. The face is a force -- all the more reason to pay attention to how we're speaking, not just what we're saying.

Prepare your feedback "game face"

So how can we match the audio to the visual? By taking a basic inventory of our non-verbal communication:

Facial gestures

Smiling and frowning at others can actually activate the muscles in their faces, too.?We internally register what another person is feeling by experiencing it in our own body. Smiling is so important to social interactions that we can discern whether someone is smiling even if we can’t see them .

?? Do this: Make sure to smile appropriately when sharing something positive or complimentary.

Eye contact

We can predictably tell someone’s emotions from their gaze.?Eye contact is the crucial first step for resonance, a term psychologists use to describe a person’s ability to read someone else’s emotions. It’s also the mechanism for building trust and connection, two key success factors for feedback.

?? Do this: Make and maintain eye contact, even when it's hard.

Tone of voice

From infancy, we are acutely aware of other people’s voices . The tone of our voice, more than the words themselves, can give away how we really feel.

?? Do this: Make sure to speak intentionally, clearly and calmly, especially when sharing delicate information.

Feedback can reveal insights that help others improve, but how we signal that information can make or break the outcome. With the right "feedback face," we can help others face life's most important conversations with clarity and connection.

Keep fixing,

Joe

Dr. Joe Hirsch helps organizations design and deliver feedback without fear. He's a TEDx and global keynote speaker and the author of "The Feedback Fix ." Joe's work and research has been featured in Harvard Business Review, Forbes, CNBC, The Wall Street Journal, Inc. and other major outlets. He also hosts the popular podcast, I Wish They Knew .

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