Is Your Fear of Judgement Because You Are Judgy?

CONFESSION: There is something that you MUST know about me. I hate being late. I mean, I wouldn't say I like it worse than a trip to a blind dentist. Even worse, I hate waiting. Just thinking about waiting has me screaming aaarrrrggghhh!!

Needless to say, punctuality is a part of my brand. Now this story is going to make sense.

STORY TIME: So yesterday I felt like The White Rabbit from Alice In Wonderland, who kept saying, "I must not be late." 

So I started my day really excited about the LinkedIn Instructor Reunion that was taking place here in Atlanta. It would be my first time at the Microsoft Office in Atlantic Station, and I was pumped. Plus, I wanted to meet a few rockstar instructors that caught my attention.

The point is I was excited! I got up early (like 5 am) and got all my work done, then headed out with 2.5 hours to spare. Just enough time to get my nails done and drive into the city, right? Tuh, WRONG!

MY MISTAKE: 

I totally forgot it was Mother's day weekend, so my favorite nail spot was packed. I needed to leave no later than 1:30 pm into the city, find parking, and walk to the Microsoft Building. When I walked in, I spoke with the manager and expressed that I had a HARD STOP at 1:30. "Is that enough time" he replied "should be". I wasn't' worried because I usually get 2 technicians. One for feet, one for hands. But they were swamped, so I only had one poor lady to service me. 

Fingers crossed, also crossed my eyes and toes too, cause my anxiety was creeping up.

I MUST NOT BE LATE:

As time ticked on the little voice in my head kept saying... "I must not be late". Each time my anxiety ticked up another notch, I offered a gentle reminder to the tech. She responded with "just 10 more minutes" each time. 30 minutes later... I couldn't take it! I was going to be late.

I imagined walking into a room full of people where were already seated and deeply focused on the speaker and shooting judgy glances my way. My mind told me that I would be deemed unprofessional and eccentric.

MY ANXIETY WON: 

I looked down at my nails. It would be at least 20 minutes before I would be done. I abruptly announced that I was leaving and that I would pay now and return first thing in the morning to let her finish. 

I raced out as fast as my nervous knees would carry me. I was so worried about being late. But to boot, now these bumpy, un-filed, dusty nails would NOT make a good impression. 

MY ARRIVAL: 

After finding a parking space and hustling to the Microsoft Building, I arrived at event just time for the meet and greet. A good 20 minutes before the official session started.

I WASN'T LATE!! 

All that doggone stress and anxiety and I wasn't even late. In fact, I arrived with another group of folks. Hell, I wasn't even the last one to arrive!

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Some times we stress over little things like the undone nails, or being late because we FEAR JUDGEMENT. We fear judgement because we think that other people will look at us the way we look at them. Shux, our own judgy thoughts sabotage us!

The next morning I was sitting in front of the nail salon before they opened. I was in and out before another customer arrived. My technician greeted me with a happy smile. We both were relieved to get these bumpy nails together. 

As I recounted the story to my sister she yelled "WHY WOULD YOU WAIT UNTIL THE DAY OF?! Why would you risk being late?"

**DEEP SIGH** I guess judgyness runs in the family, lol. 

What are you afraid of being judged about?