Your Facilitation Style Should Mirror You

Welcome to the Modern Facilitators Manifesto. This year Gareth and I will reflect on what meaningful facilitation looks like for our ever-evolving world. We have been practicing for some time, building and experimenting with facilitation styles that reflect creativity and co-creation in order to design experiences which are important for any progress for any group. We will be sharing steps we’ve taken to design and guide meetings, conferences, and strategy meetings (and more) that invite the world into learning how we might communicate to each other differently, so we can do things differently.

We use a dialogue format in this blog because as far as we can tell, it’s the best tool to allow for difference and find emerging themes that can help all of us grow.

Gareth: What tips do you have for less experienced facilitators in finding their own style?

Katy: I don’t think there is a fast way to develop any craft that requires you to use your mind, heart, and intuition- like meaningful facilitation. In my experience it takes time and a whole lot of intention along the way; it cannot happen unless you start with A LOT OF doing so get your butt out there and practice any chance you get. 

When we put together the prompt questions below to help new facilitators figure out their unique groove (rather than replicating someone else’s) you said to me, “all they need is 10,000 hours and intentional reflection of each hour, ” and I couldn' agree more. 

It is also important to cultivate the baseline of understanding that figuring out the elements you possess that will create your own unique style will be the ticket to getting good. This not only because where ever we can be more authentic we can also feel more comfortable, but also because being generic which is a breading ground for boring! From there you can start on your 10,000 hours holding “failing” as learning always and not being afraid to fail. Finally, make sure you have someone who can be a feedback loop along the way. I am finding that we learn much deeper in relationship with another.

Gareth: That is what is so cool about facilitating with someone else and finding other facilitation geeks or experts who aren't too stuffy about their experience to swap notes with. I've always felt different styles are what makes facilitation interesting. I know that you often start your sessions with ‘centering’ the group- listening to the chimes of the bells and making sure everyone is present before we move on in the agenda. I usually start by placing a large red dildo in the middle of the room (there is an unorthodox icebreaker for ya). Yet, I feel as if we might get the same outcomes despite our different styles. 

Different facilitators will undoubtedly approach the same content and same audience in radically different ways based on who they are at the core. 

Katy: I think on the outside people would call you and me similar in our facilitation since we seem to clump the world in these largely generic terms like introverted and extroverted. We are “extroverted” facilitators because of our energy. However, I think we are very different in the details of what we do. Our details come from the experiences that make up our life stories. It's been fun to think back with you over late night beers which experience shape how we show up in workshops. 

Needing to know thyself well is one reason I am so attracted to the profession- and it's no easy task. It means you have to be okay finding your unique strengths and unique experiences you can pull from that will help the group build trust with you. We are both committed to that process of learning about who we are now, and who are constantly becoming and not afraid to talk about that in a group to open-up the space for exploration no matter what the topic; we are learning this gives quiet permission for that to be the standard in a room. If we are not being honest about our human-ness (which is synonymous with imperfect to me) then I am not sure we are doing anything at all since we are not working within reality. 

When I am teaching young facilitators, I often tell them I can show them one way, and some tools or skills they can choose to cultivate- but ultimately they will be successful if they can find their own unique spin on things; one that does not look like mine, but theirs. 

Gareth: It is imperative to discover and forge your own style. Facilitation style is more about discovering what works for you- I would categorize my facilitation style as challenging, but fun. I am a high energy facilitator so, often it is my enthusiasm and humor that wins over the crowd. I work on building trust first so we can move on to the real work of consciousness-raising, growth, and change. 

I found my style like we are saying, by doing. Trying things that worked for me and the communities I was dedicated to. I started facilitating in the sexual health space so you had to make people feel at ease within the first one minute of any workshop or dialogue for any real communication to be possible. 

After running workshops for men who come out as gay later in life, running sexual health workshops to high schoolers, pleasure and male physiology lectures at all-female yoga retreats, values clarification training for health service providers (a way to engage groups to reflect on their beliefs, what's important to them and how that informs behavior)—I’ve honed a style that really is unabashedly confrontational and challenging while making sure it contains a strong dose of fun. 

I used to say my schtick is best described as ‘evidence-based dick jokes’, but really behind that self-deprecation and brutal openness is the fuel needed to deal with some pretty tough issues, steeped in stigma.

I’ve heard you talking about being tuned in to each culture you are working within, being intentional about asking groups to come together to collaborate in ways that can move us (all of us) forward, faster, how did you find that style?

Katy: Interesting question. Well, it ties back into knowingly thyself again. So, for me, I need to know my biases when I go into each project. I take time to identify these prior and become hyper-aware of them so I can make sure to notice IF they come and put them to the side in real time and don't let them pull the group (which has taken a fair amount of practice). Then, I think about what past experiences may be helpful to share with the group if they get stuck. I lived with many different cultures growing up and now live in a place far from my birthplace. This has given me the gift of being able to see how we are all connected and that we all need to get “unstuck” at times regardless of who you are or what we are working on. Humans in groups have very many commonalities across boundaries and my past makes me an expert of sorts here. No schooling needed. 

Outside of knowing myself and my story, it’s also about helping a group discover who they are too as a collective and why that matters. What are their stories, experiences, strengths and weak spots? Those things together have an identity and understanding that identity moves strategy forward and connects us to be able to go beyond. I haven’t quite figured it out yet, but I know there is a vital importance between the individual understanding of self at the intersection of a collective understanding of “us”. Both are important and need to be held in tension. One can’t work without the other. In my facilitation, this is always a theme moving between the two to deepen understanding of our current realities. And, it took me a lot longer than 10,000 hours to get to that point.

If you are interested in further developing your style have a look at the prompts below Katy and Gareth came up with. How would you answer them? Are there additional reflection questions you use in your practice?

Your Turn: Think back on your last opportunity to facilitate something.

How did you introduce yourself to the group? What does that say about your possible style?

What worked, didn’t work?

When were you your most authentic during this session/workshop/meeting?

When were you your least authentic? Why did you feel you had to be then? 

Throughout the workshop, when do you sense you have the most energy or are the strongest?

How would your participants describe your style? (Eg. introverted, structured)

How might someone more (the opposite of the style described above) have approached the task? 

How would you describe the audience/participants?

What would you have done if the participants were less or more (description above)?

What about your facilitation style seems to come from your experiences and style?