Your eyes don't lie, except when they do

I must confess I've never been much of a drinker. After a few drinks I'm more likely to take a nap at the bar than climb up on it and lead the room in a song.

One night I was out with some friends and we were cracking up about an absurd experience. Several of them remembered a time when they had a little too much to drink and as they were walking down the street, the ground suddenly jumped up and hit them in the face!

Now, you know, I know, and they know that this it not what actually happened. The laws of physics and common sense tell us that. However, for each of them, this is what they truly experienced at the time, it is their clear recollection, and no amount of logic, video evidence, or scientific reasoning will change that feeling.

For me, there are times when I think someone, not my wife, of course, is upset at me based on the look on her face. Then, my mental and emotional gymnastics begin...

Only to find out later that she wasn't mad at me at all.

When I ask what "the look" was about, it might be that she was trying to remember where something was, she had a stomach ache, or any number of reasons that had nothing to do with me. She might remind me that when it comes to our interactions, I can be hypersensitive. Still, none of that will change my experience of that moment or my recollection.

All this to say, just because you perceive something, doesn't make it "real."

Allow me to put a finer point on it. I'm not saying you didn't feel or perceive it just the way you did. I'm not even saying you were right or wrong. It is "real" to you in the sense that you really did have that experience.

All I'm pointing out is that just because you felt or perceived something, it doesn't mean it is accurately reflecting what is going on or what others may be experiencing.

Understanding and accepting this, truly and humbly, is one of the keys to being a Modern Manager. Even in areas where you may have tremendous expertise, your ability to perceive and rate a person's performance is imperfect in this regard.

This level of difficulty increases the more different you are from the person you are evaluating. Various cognitive biases and erroneous assumptions, including a phenomenon I call mirrormanaging can all conspire against you from seeing a person's performance as clearly as you otherwise could.

If you are a manager, this can be problematic when you are able to perceive some team members more clearly than others.

So you may think someone did a better or worse job than they did. Now, you may say, "But I'm the manager and I know better." But it can also happen that other managers, perhaps ones more experienced than you disagree with your assessment. It's not so much that your perception is wrong, it's just that it's not 100% right, either. It's just YOUR perception.?

And here's the real problem. You know, or at least I hope you do, that the ground did not jump up and hit you in the face. You know, that that look on someone's face had nothing to do with you.

But what happens when there is no easy way for you to know when your perception, as real as it feels, is off?

What happens when you happen to be the final arbiter, and the person you are evaluating doesn't have an equal status to dispute your perception?

And finally, what happens when you are consistently misperceiving performance of some team members based on biases without even realizing it is happening?

These are unconscious biases and they are working the way they are supposed to work - without you even being aware of them.

Which leads us to some next steps...

What can you do as a manager to begin to perceive and rate those who are unlike you just as accurately as those who are more like you?

What checks and balances, if any, do you have in place to test your assumptions and hold yourself accountable?

Bonus questions:

What biases might your peers have toward some of their own team members and your team members? And how effective are you at influencing them to perceive and rate people more fairly?

What would you do? And would it have any impact?

And if not, what do you need to learn to be a better, more effective advocate?

This is a topic we cover in our Modern Manager program....and will include in our upcoming Modern Manager VIP Event.

To learn more about the Everybody Thrives program, check out www.connectioncounselor.com