Your Energy Is a Finite Resource. Here's How to Manage It

Some days, you wake up and stretch, hop out of bed, and think to yourself, "Today's going to be a great day!" You brush your teeth, start the coffee maker or tea kettle, and check your emails. Then you shower, get dressed, have breakfast, and get yourself to work --?all before 9 a.m.

If you're having that great day, all of this can feel like, well, nothing. It's a habit or routine. It's just what you do.?

But when you're having a hard day, a stressful day, a physically or emotionally painful day, each of those tiny activities adds up, and they cost you energy. And that may be energy that's hard to spare.

Knowing that about yourself is also known as knowing your spoons. Spoon theory was developed by Christine Miserandino,?an?award-winning writer, speaker, and lupus patient advocate,?as a way to measure how much energy different tasks take. One spoon is a unit of energy. On a low-stress day, you might feel like you have tons of energy --?maybe 10, 15, or even 20 spoons.

On a day when you don't have a lot of energy to spare, you might feel like you only have five spoons.

1. You wake up and stretch -- that uses one spoon
2. Hop out of bed -- one spoon
3. Brush your teeth -- one spoon
4. Start the coffee maker or tea kettle -- one spoon
5. Check your emails -- one spoon (and that's five spoons before you've showered, gotten dressed, had breakfast, or headed out to work.)

Do you see how important it is to know your spoons for each day?

We can anticipate that our spoon count may be low if we're dealing with chronic physical or mental illness. Our spoons can also become diminished if we're neurodiverse but are expected to operate in an environment that is designed for neurotypical people. Other causes of low spoon counts include experiencing trauma (past or present), dealing with discrimination and inequalities, and anticipating a potential threat, such as layoffs.?

It's also important to recognize that your spoons may become depleted unexpectedly, even if you started your day with spoons to spare. If you're asked to give an impromptu update at a meeting, the stress of that could knock out some spoons. If you need to share a piece of negative feedback with a defensive person on your team, you could lose some more spoons. And even small things -- like hitting traffic on the way to work, attending a 5 p.m. call that you can't reschedule, or skipping a lunch break -- can negatively impact your spoon count.

Furthermore, it's not enough just to be able to identify how much energy you have to get things done. If you're a part of a team, a family, a community --?really, anything that involves other people --?you need to let them when you're having a hard time so that they can partner with you in managing expectations and putting together a short-term plan. You don't have to reveal more than you're comfortable with, but you should share if you're not feeling like yourself for more than a few days --?and that it's impacting your work.

Here are three tips to help you manage your spoons:

Keep track of your spoon patterns. On days when you have a lot of spoons to use, notice what might be contributing to that. Did you meet friends for lunch? Did you work on a project or hobby you love? Did you sleep well? And on days when your spoons are low, notice what contributes there, too. Did your boss cancel a supervision meeting for the fourth time in a row? Did your kid have a tough day at school? Did you forget to eat at mealtimes? Then review those patterns for what you can learn about yourself to help you plan for the future.

Don't keep your spoons to yourself. The primary goal of the spoon theory is to help you communicate to others how much energy you have at any moment in time so that you can manage expectations. If you're having a high spoon count day, let your colleagues, friends, and family know so that they can involve you in more activities and conversations. If you're low on spoons, let them know too so that they can limit their requests for you, and find other resources. And if they're not taking the hint, don't hint. Tell them directly what you need and why you need it.

Seek out support from a licensed mental health or medical professional. If you feel like your low-spoon count days are adding up, you don't have to feel like this alone, and there are ways for you to get better so that you have enough spoons, and maybe even spoons to spare!

It can be hard to manage work and life under the best of circumstances. When your spoon count is low, it makes it even trickier. Make sure you recognize what energy you can give, what you can't, and what you need from others to feel supported.

Originally posted on Inc.

Deborah Grayson Riegel is a keynote speaker and consultant who teaches leadership communication for Wharton Business School and Columbia Business School. She is a regular contributor for Harvard Business Review, Inc., Psychology Today, Forbes, and Fast Company. The author of Overcoming Overthinking: 36 Ways to Tame Anxiety for Work, School, and Life, she consults and speaks for clients including Amazon, BlackRock, Kraft Heinz, PepsiCo, and The United States Army. Her work has been featured in worldwide media, including Bloomberg Businessweek, Oprah Magazine, and The New York Times. Visit her online at www.deborahgraysonriegel.com.