Your Enemy isn’t what Others do to You. Your Enemy is what You do to Yourself

Are we our own worse enemy? Often we don't recognise we do self-harm. It's our blindspot, the Achille's heel that never heals! And even when others point out the potential for damage, we rationalise, offer thoughtful excuses and blame circumstances.

Here are some "enemies" you may find familiar.

Enemy #1: Be a Blocker

"I love this job and I am really good at it. I want to stay put!"

How can loving your job be bad! However, sometimes we equate doing good work and enjoying it as the ticket for staying in the same job indefinitely. But if you stay too long you will eventually:

a. become stale - stop learning cause you are in comfort zone. It's unavoidable.

b. limit your chances to get hired and transit to new roles

c. never give your staff a chance to get promoted to your role even if they are better than you

d. think your performance is better than it really is

So how do you know when you stayed too long in the job? When you stop learning, stop innovating and are more worried about keeping your job than doing it.

The key is to keep growing and it's hard to do that by staying still. Move to a new role or a new company. It can be scary. I know. I loved my job and team and didn't want to move. My story is in this article. https://lnkd.in/f3z_pXJ

Enemy #2: Thinking I can do it Alone.

I got promoted because I was great at what I do - managing projects. But this WILL NOT help me lead. Why? Because I did not understand that I had to STOP doing what I was great at and START doing what really matters - LEAD. I thought I can succeed by pretending I had all the answers, barking out all the orders. They took the instruction, but no communication, no commitment and no compliance. It was ME and THEM.

What to do?

I decided I did not need them. I work harder, work smarter. Did the work of 2, and then tried 4 people. It did not work. I did not work. We did not work. I was demoted.

Tired, burnout but mostly ashamed for behaving poorly and letting others down. I wish I knew then what I know now.

1. "Before you are a leader, it's all about yourself. When you become a leader, it's all about growing others." Jack Welch is right. For a leader to succeed, the team must win first! WE before I!"

2. Failing is not bodacious or extraordinary. Having the courage to get up, say sorry and try again is extraordinarily bodacious. Do it!

3. No one ever does it alone. Malcolm Gladwell, of 'Outliers' fame, dismiss the idea of "self-made" success and argues, “no one – not rock stars, not professional athletes, not software billionaires, and not even geniuses – ever makes it alone.”

More lessons on how to be the "Best Manager" here https://lnkd.in/ftju6Kw

Enemy #3: My Scarcity Mindset

When I was young, the family would buy a packet of chicken rice. The chicken was tender and the rice, fragrant. We could afford only 1 packet and hence mixed the fragrant rice with plain rice so everyone had some. It was too little and I grew up wishing I had more.

When I grew older I can afford and did enjoy chicken rice all the time. But that "scarcity mentality"- the belief that everything is limited stuck with me. So in school, I didn't share my notes because we were after the same scholarships. When I started working, I did not offer to do extra work or help my colleagues cause what's in it for me?

Stephen Covey explained that the scarcity mentality helps me see life as a zero-sum game. Either I win or I lose. That's one reason I feared taking risks, trusting others and enjoying life fully because I could not bear to lose anything.

Two things saved me - My bosses and Aleth. I learn from generous leaders who gives and gives. One was my boss at J&J. A dedicated, result oriented, full of integrity, 'call it as it is' boss who makes the toughest call but has the biggest heart of gold I have ever seen. The other is Aleth. I watch my wife do what she does every day - genuinely happy when others are successful, giving without expectations of receiving - and I learn to follow her - serve. Once we were about to enter the entrance of a mall. An elderly gentleman gave way to her so she could enter first. She said that's the difference between one who gives and another who rush to be first. I did not get it then. But I get it now! I am not perfect but it's impossible not to get better with such role models in my life.

So what's the Cure so we don't become our own worse enemies? Humility- when you are truly humble you seek feedback and can accept criticism as easy as you accept compliments. Hence it allows you to listen and act on what you learn. Surround yourself with friends who tell you what you need to hear and not what you wish. And review your values from time to time and act accordingly. It will ground you and help you differentiate things that really matter and things that distract.

The good news about having "selfie enemies" is that each one you conquer offers both personal growth and learning.

Do you know who your "enemies" are? And do you have the cure?