Your Ego Will Destroy You
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Your Ego Will Destroy You
Quote: The takeaway for me was to see that I was my own worst enemy, and so often, my desire to protect my ego or to prop myself up was a big part of the problem.?
-Steve Dennis, Author Leaders Leap, former Sears and Neiman Marcus exec
You and I both have an ego!
Before we go to the extent of breaking down egos, irony intended, let's level set and define ego.
Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines ego as the self, especially as contrasted with another self or this world.
Ok, I’m lost.? Maybe it's my ego!
M-W further explains ego in this context, which I think makes our discussion clearer. I may have an Ivy League degree, but man, sometimes we make things too complicated!
We “generally use ego simply to mean one’s sense of self-worth, whether exaggerated or not. When used in the ‘exaggerated’ sense, ego is almost the same as conceit.”
Self-Worth
Ego is our self-worth.? Yet, who determines our worth?? This is where it gets spicy.
Steve Dennis was a strategic executive in retail sales with two of the largest department store companies in the United States.??
As he shared in our conversation and outlined in his book Leaders Leap, when he was an executive with Sears advising on their strategic moves to combat new consumer behaviors with the advent of the internet, everyone who was a decision maker let their ego destroy them.
The board member who was too afraid to admit the reality that the days of 100,000+ sq ft stores as the basis of selling products because of what it might do to the value of their real estate holdings and investments let their investment dissolve in bankruptcy.
Or the strategic executive, too concerned with whether or not people would like them and embrace their outlandish proposal to enter online commerce aggressively, lost their job when sales plummeted.
Our ego destroys us when we protect it.??
Our ego destroys us when we let others determine it.??
Our ego destroys us when we don’t understand it.
Our ego destroys us when it's our enemy.
That last one is surely tongue-in-cheek.? Ryan Holiday's book “Ego is the Enemy” wonderfully outlines and defines how a conceited or fragile ego limits our ability to grow and transform.
The enemy of the ego is the ego that lacks checks and balances. An ego with checks and balances is fluid.
Some days, we’re great.? Some days we suck.? It is what it is.? We are not defined by one moment or spectacular moment of failure.
The ego isn't really the enemy.? We are our enemy when we fail to confront reality.
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Foundations
Confronting reality means accepting that we have fears and insecurities.??
I don't know why we have fears and insecurities. I imagine some psychologists have speculated. I just know from my experience that everyone does.
An insecure ego is fragile, and in its fragility, it aims to preserve and protect; this seems rather instinctive.
Our insecurities have a foundation in this. They are not figments of imagination but rather conditioned by experiences.
Experiences lived or perceived based upon the stories or experiences of others.
The board members undoubtedly saw a shareholder revolt when an organization wrote off big losses on real estate deals.
The executive knew what happened when they missed the mark that the board or executive team expected.
Rubber stamps lead to promotions!? The yes man always makes friends.
But what happens when those foundations aren't rational or aren't identifiable?
They drive us to protect our egos at all costs, to armor up and build a brick-walled barrier around us.
This is when we are so heavy and out of touch that our ego is the real enemy.
Next Steps
When we choose to own how we present ourselves to others, our egos move from the conceited to the healthy version.
Our ego guides us when we are vulnerable.
Our ego guides us when we celebrate our uniqueness.??
Our ego guides us when we are curious.
Our ego guides us when we feel safe to take risks openly.
Ego is a mindset. It will destroy us if it's all about preservation, but it will guide us if it's about discovery and growth.
I encourage you to listen to my conversation with Steve. Are you registered for the IMPACT SUMMIT yet? If not, it will be a great time to grow. If you are, I can't wait to see you in just a few weeks!
Lastly, Steve said in our conversation, “If the world has changed so much, why have you changed so little?”
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