Your Desire For Immediate Gratification Is Destroying Your Success & Happiness According To Science
Michael Simmons
3x 7-Figure Education Entrepreneur / Writing in Fortune, TIME, Forbes, & Harvard Business Review
"Early success turns out to be a weak predictor of long-term success. Many top performers are overlooked early on, then grow quietly into stars." —Daniel Coyle, Author, Talent Code
There is one thing that is always required for success in nearly every domain whether it be career, health, marriage, parenting, happiness, money, or learning...
We MUST pass the marshmallow test
In 1972, Stanford researcher Walter Mischel conducted one of the most famous experiments in psychology that has ever been done. He offered a group of children an immediate reward of a marshmallow or two marshmallows 15 minutes later. Amazingly, follow-up studies found that children who waited longer tended to have better dramatically life outcomes.
As I've gotten older, I've appreciated the profound power of this study on two levels...
- I've personally seen the marshmallow test transform every area of my life.
- I've seen that self-control is not fixed and can be dramatically improved (research backs this up).
In other words, the marshmallow test isn't a story about how the innate and unchangeable trait of self-control predicts children's future success.
Rather, it's about how we personally choose to confront the dozens of marshmallow tests we're given everyday...
Here's what the marshmallow experiment looks like in our life
- Health. We must be willing to eat healthy food that tastes ok now instead of eating unhealthy food that tastes amazing.
- Exercise. We must be willing to push our body to its limits and exercise for 20 minutes a day or so when we'd rather watch TV.
- Learning. We must be willing to slow down and learn and get less done on our to-do list even when we feel behind.
- Marriage. We must be willing to stomach intense, negative emotions and talk through differences when we'd rather ignore them.
- Entrepreneurship. We must be willing to accept the uncertain payoffs of starting a business rather than the certainty of a pay check.
(Side note: I'd be curious what other areas you see the marshmallow test showing up in your life. Feel free to share in the comments.)
If we pass these tests, we will likely...
- Live years longer with vibrant energy rather than die young from preventable causes.
- Have a longer-lasting, happier marriage rather than become a divorce statistic.
- Be wealthy rather than living paycheck to paycheck.
But, there are key differences between the 15-minute marshmallow test and its application to real life...
- Rather than delaying gratification for minutes, we must be willing to delay it for years.
- Rather than simply doubling the reward, we can 1,000x them. This multiplier is possible because of the incredible power of compound interest.
Everything I've said so far is not controversial. Most people realize the power of delaying gratification in our own lives and even society (ie, environment). They just don't pass the test.
This begs the magic question...
How do we consistently pass the marshmallow test in every area of our life without feeling like we're not living life fully?
I have a system I'm going to share in a future article. For now, I'd be very curious to hear more about your experiences. Please take a moment and answer the following question in the comments below:
Is there an area of your life where you used to consistently fail the marshmallow test and now you consistently pass it? What did you do differently that caused this shift?
I look forward to connecting in the comments...
Staff Scientist at Illumina AI lab
4 年While it's popular in "pop psychology", it's not clear that the Stanford marshmallow test was much more than a test of family background / socioeconomic status. Delaying gratification is probably still important, but it might be worth finding better evidence. It matters whether you promote what amount to "just so" stories, or present the evidence for people to understand more fully. https://www.theguardian.com/education/2018/jun/01/famed-impulse-control-marshmallow-test-fails-in-new-research https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2018/6/6/17413000/marshmallow-test-replication-mischel-psychology
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4 年Yes. Exercise and learning. One of the many things I have learnt has been you are your systems. Before i used to look at exercise with what i wanted ro achieve. Sadly though when I started I had not realized that previous system will be the biggest bottleneck to my ability to achieve. I had also not really connected with the why of Exercise. Come COVID-19 and time. I have come up with a specific time everyday that i prioritize exercise. Due to the fact that I don't move to work. Essentially every morning I have about 3 hours where i can do things without anyone needing me. As a result the urge to exercise has become stronger than the urge not to. On learning i have a thought process that works like this. Before i start work, can i send at least 30% of the time meant to do that work learning something about that work? So for this year, again during COVID-19 greater point of effect. I read a book about work, called deep work and from that i was able to get productive. So my first thought before i do work is how can I learn something about the work I am about to do. In essence not choosing the short term benefit of 30 minutes of work but the long term benefit of how better i will be at the work!
Helper, Sid Joynson Partnership
4 年"Train, don't complain." Micheal Jordan.
Student at Kiambi institute of science and technology
4 年In my opinion, In our day to day living we must also accept that good is a unattribute that many consider as foolish like and sometimes it may not seem as the right think to be but its actually the best policy in almost every aspect of living
Cyber Security Expert ??Cyber Psychology ??Podcaster??International Speaker??Fraud Investigator
4 年There is a missing dynamic with regards to the marshmallow test which is not discussed. The children in the test were from a specific demographic and didn't take into account other factors. There are a number of people who exhibit short term gain approach who are just as successful. This has been documented and research extensively by Flow Research collective and the work done by Steven Kotler. When you look at people who follow extreme sports and are thrill seekers the dopamine hit allows them to access states of flow due to the risk aspect. When your mindset is in a more positive situation then you are more inclined to follow a delayed gratification approach. It does tie into whether it fits into your long term goals and plans. The quote you have from Ali is a long term goal approach which allows for delayed gratification as a tactic. If you are in survival mode then you will eat the marshmallow as it allows you a better chance of survival. Saying outright that delayed gratification is an indicator of success is looking at one side of the coin without the necessary context and feeds into confirmation bias.