Are Your Decisions Continually Failing You? Here's Why

Part of Kathy Caprino's series "Becoming The Most Powerful, Impactful You"

In working with hundreds of executives, leaders and professionals in a wide array of industries and arenas each year, many come for help to explore how to improve their leadership and communication approach, but also, more deeply, to understand exactly why they're experiencing the challenges they're facing. There are numerous root causes of these key challenges that are common - that millions of people experience. But we also explore their specific process of decision-making, and how that's working for them. We look at how to make better, more growth-inducing and success-oriented decisions that support their life and professional success, happiness and impact.

Why focus on decision-making?

Because we can't build a happy, rewarding life and career if we don't know how to make decisions that support our values, wants, needs and our highest goals.

Research has shown that we're making upwards of 35,000 decisions or choices each day, (often 2,000 per waking hour) and decision fatigue is a reality. Some people have worked on honing their decision-making process, and actively focused on improving it, while others are making big and small decisions without much conscious contemplation.

There have been some great tips and strategies shared on how to become a stronger decision-maker in the workplace (here's an interesting article from Indeed about that) and many ways to hone our skill in this process.

Reflecting back on my 40+ year career in both corporate life and in my own business as a therapist and now career coach, executive consultant and writer, and bringing to mind the good, bad and ugly decisions I’ve made over the long arch of my career, and the dramatic impact they’ve had, I've realized why some the big decisions I made derailed me from the success I hoped for.

I came to realize that among the decisions I’ve made that I consider really good and sound ones – that is, those that led to positive and opportunity-generative outcomes – there are noticeable traits in common.?And the reverse is true as well.?Of course, we don't have a crystal ball in our lives to predict all future outcomes. But in looking back on important decisions that changed the course of our lives and careers, we can see some patterns and traits we need to be aware of.

For me and for many of my clients and course members, the truly terrible decisions that we later regretted, and that caused us pain, suffering and setback, have a number of core commonalities.?

I decided to do some research to determine if these common traits of poor decisions hold up when I analyze the decisions that my clients regret most, and turns out, they do.

What are the top 5 traits of poor decisions that lead us to regret?

The decisions that fail us, that take us away from who we are are our core and where we want to go, and that generate serious unhappiness and regret, typically have the following 5 traits in common.?

These decisions:

1)??Don’t support your intrinsic values

No decision can be a good one if in making it, you’re going against what you deeply value and respect.?I’ve made so many errors in my career by taking work, consulting gigs, partnerships, or pursuing new opportunities that, in my heart, I didn’t value or respect, but I did so because I thought I had to (usually around earning more money or pursuing some misguided version of what I believed greater "success" looked like).?

When you make a decision that goes against your values, it almost never comes to a good end, because either you can’t live with yourself for making it, or you end up sabotaging the direction because it’s so out of alignment with what you believe in that you can’t sustain it.

Tip: Without exception, align your decisions with your values -- honor what you hold dear, what you know to be true, and your highest standards of integrity and honesty. Know what your "non-negotiables" are, and adhere to those.

2)??Are executed poorly or without proper reflection and analysis

I’ve made some good decisions that turned out badly because I failed to execute them in a thoughtful, confident and clear way.?An example of this is when I’ve had to move away from partnerships I’ve created, often with folks who’d become my friends.?There were solid reasons why I believed we needed to part, but even so, I felt wracked by guilt or worry that my professional colleague would be hurt or angry, so I botched (even sabotaged) how my decision was shared, communicated, and executed.

Tip: A decision is only as good or positive as the way in which it’s shared and communicated.

3)??Come from a place of weakness and disempowerment

Decisions that emanate from weakness, fear, powerlessness or running away from something, almost never move us forward in the ways we want.?You can’t get to the next level of success or fulfillment if you don’t do the inner and outer work of overcoming your fears and addressing your “power gaps.”??

My research over the past decade has revealed 7 damaging power and confidence gaps that block 98% of professional women and 90% of men from reaching their highest, happiest potential. Over 75% of professional women are experiencing three or more of these gaps at the same time, and when that's occurring, it is difficult to make effective, brave decisions that can help us grow and thrive.

One of the most damaging is not recognizing your special talents, abilities and accomplishments and failing to leverage those talents in ways that are rewarding and productive. 67% of women I've studied share they experience this gap. Here's more on that, from my podcast Finding Brave:

When you decide, “I’ve had it!” for instance -- with a relationship, a job, a situation, or a role you’re playing, it’s vitally important that you attempt to shift yourself to more of a place of empowerment and confidence in the situation first, before running away.

Tip: If you run away from something (which is a choice and a decision, whether you consciously recognize that or not) or when you choose to act from a sense of fear, powerlessness, or victimization, you’ll find that the decision you’ve made won’t resolve the problem. Often, the same challenges will reappear (and be even more extreme) in your next situation. (Check out this info on what I call "The Pendulum Effect" about how running to the farthest ends of the world to escape a problem without actually addressing it, rarely delivers the results you want.)

4)??Haven’t been properly vetted – they don’t factor in well enough the potential impact and outcomes

One necessary ingredient to effective decision-making is that you’ve gathered all the necessary information from the most diverse and inclusive perspectives possible, and vetted each alternative scenario before you choose one option.?Many terrible decisions come from an incomplete decision-making process that fails to involve the necessary brainstorming phase or a thorough enough evaluation of all the potential consequences of each alternative.

Tip: Develop sufficient boundaries and apply a rigorous analysis process so that you’re not being overly reactive, emotional or unbalanced in your decision-making.?Use an integrative style that incorporates as much feedback and data as possible, and allows you to brainstorm all possible solutions, and vet them in an effective, holistic way.

5)??Are focused on the wrong problem

Numerous bad decisions I and my clients and course members have made in our lives and careers emerged because we were looking at the “wrong” problem.?Personally speaking, these were situations in which I knew things had to change in my career, but instead of pinpointing exactly what wasn’t working, and taking a long, hard look at the root cause of that, I focused on an ancillary issue – one that usually wasn’t as deeply challenging to explore and deal with.?

Thus, the decisions I made couldn’t possibly bring about the desired outcomes because they didn’t address the right (and real) problem.?

For instance, when I found myself in a high-level job at a company I ended up not respecting or feeling safe at, instead of dealing with the misery of that and changing employers immediately, I sought promotions and more responsibility, thinking that focusing on “getting more” would somehow alleviate the pain of my feeling “less” (less satisfaction, worthiness, value, and safety) every day in that role.

Tip: When you know you have to make a change, make sure you identify the deepest root of the problem and address that first.?

Don't skirt around the most important issues. Get outside help to do that if you need it.?Don’t take the easy way out of the decision-making process by bypassing the most essential issues and problems you need to face and resolve, once and for all.

Decisions are fundamental instruments that help you face and successfully address life’s challenges, uncertainties and opportunities.?The quality of your decisions will determine how successful, fulfilled and productive you’ll be.?Take the time to explore and improve your decision-making process so that from this day forward, you can make better decisions that honor and value who you are at your core, and what you really want in both life and work.

For top-level career and leadership growth resources, training and coaching, visit?KathyCaprino.com?and take Kathy's 16-week The Amazing Career Project course and The Most Powerful You training. For ongoing inspiration and support, tune into Kathy's podcast Finding Brave and listen to Kathy's The Most Powerful You audiobook to close your power and confidence gaps this year and beyond.

For a deeper understanding of your career trajectory to date, the impact of the decisions you've made, and what you want to create in the next chapter, download and complete Kathy's free Career Path Self-Assessment.