Your Daily Struggles Are Irrelevant (And That's Liberating)

Co Authored with Parth Jhawar

Introduction

It's fascinating how the smallest inconveniences can consume us entirely. A snide comment from a colleague ruins our day. Our mood plummets when someone cuts us off in traffic. A wrong order at a restaurant makes us question everything about our day. We let these trivial matters balloon into mountains of stress, affecting not just our well-being but also how we interact with others, snapping at loved ones, withdrawing into ourselves, or letting anxiety spiral over the pettiest concerns.

Now, contrast this with a moment of cosmic clarity. Have you ever gazed up at the stars on a clear night?

That instant when you peer into the vast expanse of space and realize you're not even an ant in this cosmic dance. You're a mere speck, a fleeting fragment of consciousness in an infinite universe. This humbling realization makes all those daily frustrations seem almost comical in their insignificance.

1. The Spectrum of Perception

We oscillate between different states of perception. Let's consider them as three points:

• Point A: We're drowning in self-absorption, where every minor inconvenience feels like a personal assault.
• Point B: The middle ground where we seek balance, aware of both our personal struggles and the bigger picture.
• Point C: Confronted with the cosmic truth of our insignificance, where nothing seems to matter.

During my school days, I lived mostly at point A. I was never the topper, never felt like the best-looking kid (at least in my head) and was poor at sports, so much so that I avoided them entirely to escape embarrassment. The lack of confidence followed me like a shadow. I never quite fit in at schools, with family. What kept me going wasn't some grand vision or external support. It was finding that sweet spot near point B, this tiny voice whispering: "Get through this, get to college, find independence, and none of this will matter." This perspective prevented me from making drastic choices: running away from home, self-harm, or worse. It was my anchor in chaos.

2. Key Idea: The Power of the Conscious Pause

Life has a way of testing our coping mechanisms. Few months ago, when my AS pain had become unbearable, I found myself stuck at point A, so consumed by suffering that even micro-perceptions couldn't pull me out. I felt stuck and trapped. What helped eventually wasn't zooming out instantly, that's impossible when you're in such pain.

I hit freeze mode, that third response beyond fight or flight. But rather than letting this freeze consume me, I chose to transform it into a conscious pause. With no external expectations on me, not even from myself, and with the cushion my family provided (with its own caveats), this pause became my salvation.

This conscious pause allowed me to give myself the space to slowly but steadily zoom out. By the end of my month-long break, I felt at least two years more mature.

This reminds me of how some people say: "Some people age like fine wine, others age like milk." (This is a nonmisogynistic version I created from the original very problematic phrase you might have come across at some point)

I don't want to be a grumpy, agitated boring old man when I grow up (point A), nor do I want to be a lone monk who has given up everything (point C). I'm a juggler and so are most of us in our unique ways.

Perhaps aging like fine wine is about manipulating your perceptions at the right points, and pausing is the starting point of creating the right conditions for your maturity to develop by choosing where to zoom in on or being cognizant of multiple vantage points. If winemaking is an art, is life any less so?

2. Creating the right environment to age the fine wine you are.

Sometimes we might know all these things and much more, but a friendly reminder from a well-wisher might be the only nudge we need to consider multiple vantage points. I appreciate the people in my life who have helped me shift perspectives, sometimes through conscious conversation and sometimes by being examples themselves.

This is where most self-help advice falls short. They tell you to "look at the bigger picture" as if it's as simple as pinching your phone screen to zoom out.

Real life isn't a smartphone camera. You can't just tap your way to perspective.

Pause, step away from the constant media consumption, stop the endless scrolling, cease the continuous input of information. Spend time with your pets, your friends or family, or just yourself. Find a space where expectations fall away, where you can simply exist.

Think of it like a thousand-piece puzzle. When you're fixated on two or three pieces, trying to force them to fit, nothing makes sense. The pausing is when you spread all the pieces out on the table. The zooming out is when you step back to see multiple patterns emerge. Both steps are crucial, and you can't skip either.

Knowing isn't the all-encompassing solution, that's why I call most self-help books 'Band-Aids,' but that's a story for another time.

Once you zoom out, you'll gain a clearer understanding of who you want to spend more time with, what truly fulfills your soul, and what you desire to do more of. This broader perspective empowers you to make intentional choices about your relationships, passions, and pursuits. It helps you focus on what truly matters, aligning your life with your deepest values and leading to a more authentic and fulfilling journey.

3. Embracing the Pause-and-Zoom-Out Approach

This manipulation of perception isn't deception; it's survival. We need it to function in our modern capitalistic world. The trick isn't to permanently camp at point C as a monk, where nothing matters. Most of us enjoy the comforts of modern life: warm clothes in winter, a cozy bed, good food, technology and what not. Complete detachment might offer temporary relief, but it's not sustainable for those of us who choose to remain engaged with the world.

The pause-and-zoom-out approach doesn't promise instant solutions. Your struggles won't vanish overnight. But it offers something more valuable: a way out of the bubble you might be stuck in.

Your struggles won't vanish overnight. But it offers something more valuable: a way out of the bubble you might be stuck in.

It provides fresh perspective, deeper insight, and a clearer path forward. It's not about escaping reality – it's about seeing it more completely and consciously focusing on what matters.

So next time you feel overwhelmed by life's details or lost in the cosmic void of meaninglessness, remember pause first, then zoom out. Find your balance between the microscopic and the cosmic/micro and macro.

Because while we might be insignificant in the grand scheme of things, we're still here, experiencing this remarkable journey called life. And that counts for something.

Where do you find yourself most often – zoomed in too close, or lost in the vastness? Share your thoughts, challenge my ideas, add your own insights.

After all, every one of us is navigating this same complex terrain called earth, just from different vantage points.

Acknowledgements:

First and foremost, I would like to thank my friend Parth Jhawar for his invaluable inputs and support, making this post possible.

Life's precious hours are divided primarily between sleep and work, with the remainder split between daily responsibilities and leisure. This reality makes me deeply grateful to my colleagues at HDI: Namita, Rani, Susan, Aditee, and Lalita. Your guidance, support, thoughtful attention, nudges, and sometimes the lack of it, gave me both the encouragement, nurturing and space I needed to grow.

We humans thrive on connection: it's no coincidence that solitary confinement is considered among the harshest of punishments. Finding your tribe is essential to both personal and professional growth. I'm so grateful AND thankful to have friends like Malcom, Mohsin, Rudransh, Nithin, Parth, Kanishk, Akshita, Kurnal, Nikhil, Niti, Pearl, Alice, Grusha and my beloved younger sister Jiya. Each of you has inspired me, led by example, and been there during some of the most crucial moments of my journey.