Your Daily Dread : How to Cope When You Feel Kinda Hopeless

Whether it’s general malaise or outright dread, waking up each day feeling ‘meh’ really stinks.

We only get one life. And while there’s a ton that we don’t get to choose, we do have agency over certain things that can help to shift our daily experience.

Let’s quickly explore why we feel dread & hopelessness in the first place and then identify actionable options for coping and creating some change for ourselves.

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We feel dread and hopelessness when:

• Things are uncertain – and there’s no guarantee of life shifting for the better

• Things will definitely get difficult - We know for sure that an inevitable challenge or negative experience is on the horizon.

• Things are lacking - We are missing something important or don’t have anything promising to look forward to.

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All of us face uncertainty, difficulty, and lack in life.

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So of course it makes sense that we feel dread and malaise. And if we want, we can try to offset this dread by taking specific action in various areas of our life and daily experience.

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I like to take a wholistic perspective on dealing with dread & hopelessness...

We can create some positive shifts from the inside....out.

I like to imagine nesting dolls here.

If you’re not familiar, a nesting doll is a carved wooden doll that opens up and reveals a smaller version of the same doll inside, which also opens up to reveal an even smaller version, and so on.

The dolls nestle together to make a whole unit.

All the individual inside dolls contribute to the overall stability & weight of the fully assembled doll.

We can approach ourselves the same way.

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My grandma gave me a set of nesting dolls as a kid (still have ‘em, as pictured!) and the set has 5 dolls.

So I’m going to break our "dread coping strategies" into 5 areas for you to focus on.

5 areas to address when coping with dread

1. Managing your internal thoughts and feelings (tiny doll)
2. Attending to your physical body (small doll)
3. Intentional daily activities and choices (medium doll)
4. Focusing on relationships (large doll)
5. Engaging in community (jumbo doll)

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There are a lot of ideas for you here – take a skim and pick a few that appeal to you most.

1. Managing your internal thoughts & feelings (tiny doll)

First, recognize your hopeless feelings as a natural human response. Remind yourself of the reasons listed above that we feel dread.

• Validate yourself that it makes sense to feel what you feel. Avoid ridiculing yourself or judging yourself for feeling some hopelessness.
• Pay extra attention to things that are okay or stable in your life situation.

• Focus on what you DO have: Start or end your day by writing down a few simple things you appreciate (like your comfy pillow, your snuggly pet, or your functioning vehicle).

• Catch & shift your unhelpful thoughts intentionally. Distract yourself away from rumination on worry thoughts.

• Notice when your thinking isn’t based on widely accepted facts. Use that moment to shift to something that IS currently factual, like the firmness of the ground beneath your body, that you have access to food & clean water, or that people in your life care for you.

• Remind yourself that thoughts & worries about the future are not absolute certainties. The future is not written, things are constantly changing, and you can help your headspace by reminding yourself of this.

• We all use common distorted thinking patterns as humans, like "catastrophizing" and "crystal balling" which have a big impact on our mood.

• Read on for more strategies about managing thoughts.

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2 - Attending to your physical body (small doll)

When stress & uncertainty is high, we ideally want to keep our physical self and immune system strong to counteract that extra drain on our system.

Know that your lower body & brain send messages back and forth to each other 4 times per second.

They are constantly reporting about “the state of the union” and assessing how you’re doing.

If you can attend to your body in ways that bring calm or soothing, this will help soothe the emotional parts of your brain that may be sending out distress and dread signals.

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Breathing intentionally?–

I know it’s cliché, but it’s cliché for a reason.

• Your breathing system is your body’s natural regulation mechanism.

• Your lungs are a tool you carry with you all the time, so it’s a helpful one to use for regularly & quickly calming your body and your mind.

• Square breathing is an easy and popular method:

• More specific breathing techniques.

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Nutrition –

Most of us are pretty adept at using food to shift our emotional state. Either to calm & soothe or just to give us something else to focus on. When trying to address dread, we are trying to focus on areas that we can control or shift. What we choose to eat is on this list!

• Try to eat more of the foods that help you feel most healthy, energetic, or proud about your choice.

• Notice your cravings & patterns and when you can, nudge yourself away from those foods that create guilt or lethargy.
• Your brain uses more calories than the whole rest of your body, so it's ideal to fuel it with nutrients that make navigating difficulty easier to do.

• Certain foods (especially sugars & carbohydrates) can indeed trigger the release of dopamine in our brain and momentarily provide soothing. But there is often an emotional or physical crash afterwards.

• When tackling hopelessness, one option is to shift our focus towards our overall longterm health and controlling what we can.

• More info on some?foods your brain will appreciate.?

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Movement –

• Bodies do better and feel more powerful with regular activity.

• Movement gives the stress hormones that are flowing through your body a place to go.

• Plus, after sustained movement, your thinking gets more flexible. You become more open to new ways of creatively dealing with problems and processing information.

• If possible, aim for 20-30 minutes of movement daily. Take a walk, putter in the yard, play tag with your kid, dance to a favorite hype song. ?

• Give a listen to this sweet little earworm and I challenge you to keep your body from moving a little.

Hydration -

• Our bodies need a lot of water. Sometimes when we feel dreadful, we stop taking care of things as basic as hydration.
• Dehydration saps our energy and impacts our ability process information well. Both of these inhibit our ability to manage heavy thoughts and feelings.

• Make better hydration an easy goal to achieve.
• Know that sugary drinks & alcohol require extra effort to process through our bodies, which means there are fewer resources for your other physical & emotional needs.

• It’s easy to lean more on sugary drinks or alcohol when stressed, because they do feel soothing. Just try to notice your tendencies and make some effort to balance it with water or some hot tea (also soothing).

Sleep -

Poor sleep diminishes our ability to function physically, to think clearly, and to put in effort to manage challenging situations & emotions.

• Inadequate sleep increases our moodiness & emotional intensity. We all know that tired = cranky & lethargic.

• Our bodies respond positively to the predictability of a sleep routine. Sleep is another thing we can try to improve and take ownership over in the face of uncertainty.

• Aim for an amount of sleep that helps you feel rested (7–9 hours for most adults).

• Try to keep consistent sleep and wake times, especially if you are having difficulty sleeping.
• If you’re struggling with sleep, learn more sleep tips in this article or explore this course to create your own sleep toolkit.

General physical care –

Most of us have predictable & consistent control over our basic self-care activities like brushing teeth, showering, changing clothes, etc. Control helps to offset hopelessness.

• Reflect on how you can increase your physical maintenance as a place of power over how your day goes.

• Putting care into our bodies can feel grounding because it sends a message to your brain & physical system that things are safe and okay (and predictable).

• Attention to our body also serves as a reminder that we have agency over our physical state.

3 - Intentional daily activities and choices (medium doll)

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We can offset the lack of control by incorporating predictable and consistent things into our home and daily activities.

Consider ways you can bring additional aspects of pleasure to your daily routine.

You may already have a daily process when it comes to waking up, grooming, eating meals and doing work/school or caring for others.

If not, start there! Create a predictable routine. Then let’s add in some helpful extras to nurture or soothe:

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Get outside -

• For most folks, being in nature or outside in fresh air triggers a sense of groundedness for the body.

• And exposure to the sun increases your brain’s release of serotonin, the natural soothing hormone.

• If you can’t get outside, working with indoor plants can hit this mark.

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Hobbies & fun activities –

Consider how you can put time into your hobbies or other pleasurable activities.

• What did you used to enjoy? Can you nudge yourself to pick it up again?

• Even if it’s just 15 minutes here and there, any amount will improve your positive vibe inside.

• Activities are also a helpful distraction from the fear, uncertainty and unhelpful rumination about the future.

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Projects & tasks –

• Engaging in new projects can boost your confidence and provide a sense of accomplishment.

• Consider something you can put time into or learn how to do or that’s been on your interest list.

• Look for something that’s a slight challenge to increase your sense of pride when you see progress.

• Feelings of achievement and completion lead to a sense of pleasure and control.

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Laugh –

• Laughter is another thing that releases serotonin in the body.

• Choose to regularly view/engage in things that elicit laughter, even if just briefly. Make this part of your daily routine.

• Curate your social media feeds to bring levity. Watch funny videos, listen to comedians, be with people who make you smile and laugh.

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Memories –

If adding new things to your days feels out of reach, you can always rely on your fond memories.

• Set aside some moments to focus intentionally on meaningful & pleasant experiences you’ve had in the past.

• Pick a time when you’re doing something mundane and pair it with reviewing memories on purpose (like while you’re showering or driving or brushing teeth or doing dishes).

• Before you send your first email of the day, flip through some favorite photos on your phone or social media timeline to remember positive times

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Autobiographies & hero journeys –

We can offset feelings of dread by focusing on stories of resilience.

• Learn about folks who overcame adversity or persevered against tough odds.

• Read books, watch documentaries or otherwise explore stories of others who went through difficulties and came out of the other side.

• True stories can foster a sense of hope and remind us what humans are capable of.

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Take more breaks –?

Recognize that your feelings of dread & hopeless are telling you that your body wants your help. It’s struggling to regulate the overall system on its own.

• Schedule in some regular breaks in addition to your normal routine. Put it on your daily calendar or set up phone alerts to remind you.

• Be thoughtful with your breaks: listen to a favorite song, watch a quick video clip, walk down the hall and slow your breathing intentionally.

• Consider ways that you can give yourself a little more space in the day to get through. Maybe slowing down and pausing more often is what your body is craving.

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Foster some predictability –

When things are distressing, predictability feels soothing. When you're facing unknowns, try to give yourself more knowns.

• Predictable looks like: you let yourself re-experience content where you already know the outcome.

• Re-watch your well-loved shows/movies, re-read favorite books, or re-listen to entertaining podcasts and favorite musical artists.

• Give special consideration to stuff you enjoyed during your teens and early 20s. Our brains make a lot of meaningful connections at that age, so stuff that mattered from that time period can be especially impactful for our emotions.

• How about this great little remix of one of my fav songs from youth?

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4 - Focusing on relationships (large doll)

We are social beings, so one of our basic human needs is connection to others.

• When feeling dread & hopelessness, take the edge off by reaching out to others more often

• Schedule to spend more quality time with others. Leave devices behind and engage in fun distractions. Put some get-togethers on the calendar to give yourself things to look forward to.

• When interacting, be sure to notice if it’s helpful to talk about your worries or more helpful to focus on instead on other topics.

• If possible, increase your time with physical connection - hugs, cuddling, playing with kids or pets.

• If it's a challenge to connect more with others, you can instead spend some intentional time thinking about others in a loving way. This fosters a calming sense of goodwill and gratitude inside your body.

• Recall past situations where you felt connected or valued or cared about (this prompts feelings of safety & belonging).

Manage your relationship to news -

When you can’t control external factors creating hopelessness, you do have control over how you protect your psyche.

• Constant exposure to the breaking news will not help you get through times of uncertainty with less fear.

• Maybe choose a couple/few reliable sources of news. Trust that you are getting enough of what's happening from these sources.

• Set a limit for yourself about how often/how long you check news sources. Notice what feels like the right balance between being informed vs. being overwhelmed. This may ebb and flow.

• Pay attention to your mood when you're exposed to news. and make decisions accordingly. ?

• Also…please strongly consider avoiding news first thing in the morning or right before bedtime.

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Monitor your relationship with social media -

Like with the news, your brain will do something with whatever you expose it to, so take control of that and choose wisely.

• Notice how your time on different social media impacts your mood and emotions.

• See if there’s a sweet spot with how much/how often…where you don’t feel left out or disconnected but also don’t feel increased distress and emotions like fear, overwhelm, anger, or envy.

• If you aren’t sure, check in on your mood before, during and after getting on your socials and notice what changes. Consider if that platform or content is helping or hurting your sense of dread or hope.

• Consider creating a time limit and walk away when it’s no longer a helpful place for you.

• If you don’t want to walk away, see what you can do about changing up your feed and what you get exposed to. Subscribe to some puppy channels. ??

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5 - Engaging in community (jumbo doll)

When we feel distraught, it helps to connect with other humans. We see communities come together after tragedies all the time.

This happens because as humans and pack animals, we feel safer and stronger together. You can harness this innate aspect inside you.

Build new connections -

• New relationships & experiences help to give your brain something new to focus on and make sense of. It's a positive distraction from distressing dynamics.

• Remember that one of the sources of hopelessness is the lack of positive things to look forward to. New experiences and activities can offset this.

• Can you plan a little trip or explore a nearby town?

• Explore this blog article for a multitude of ideas for getting more connected with your community.

Work towards change -

We can also feel less discouraged and feel more encouraged when we devote our time in ways that might create change.

• Whether the source of your current dread is politics, climate, or changing social patterns...there is an organization devoted to it.

• Search out organizations & causes that help you feel motivated to address some of the things that are causing your hopelessness.

• Identify ways to contribute to the change you are hoping to see happen. If you can't volunteer time, maybe you can volunteer funds.

• The following websites can help you get connected with all kinds of causes. You can search by keyword, skillset, interest area and even location to find a fit nearby.

Volunteermatch.org?

Activategood.org?

Idealist.org?

Volunteer.gov?

Catchafire.org?

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Summing it all up:

• Feeling dreadful and hopeless is part of the human experience.

• We're in an uncertain moment of human history right now and dread is fitting.

• We do have options and agency to help ourselves through it.

We can focus on shifting away from dread by taking action for ourselves in 5 areas:

1. Managing your internal thoughts and feelings?(tiny doll)
2. Attending to your physical body?(small doll)
3. Intentional daily activities and choices?(medium doll)
4. Focusing on relationships?(large doll)
5. Engaging in community?(jumbo doll)

• When hopeless thoughts & feelings seep in, remember the visual of the nesting doll.

• Keep in mind that all 5 areas interact with and support each other.

• Change in one area helps you have a positive shift in another area.

You've read through a a lot of ideas here! Which strategies resonate for you? Where do you want to implement some small shifts?

Did you find at least one thing to try?

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If you experience intense emotions and want to better understand yourself and learn new ways to manage anxiety & other emotions, check out my 8-week online course?to see if it's a fit for your needs.

Cover image photo credit: Constance Kowalik from Pixabay