Your "CareGriever Kit"

Newsletter No. 3 by Christine A. Smith, #AgingEnthusiast and host of the Aging Better Network and author of "The Act of Aging" available on Amazon/Kindle

Your “CareGriever Kit”?

An Aspect of Aging is increased opportunities to grieve. With the addition of human connections and days of life come more reasons to read the obituaries and to anticipate peer deaths. You even mourn a larger number of people of notoriety whom you’ve never met, but to whom you have formed decades of attachment.

In between the news of another passing, there are the anniversaries of special times with those dearly departed or the death dates of people who were especially significant. Anticipatory grief is another feeling that grows with your years as you hear news of friends being put on hospice or being given terminal diagnoses.

You want to climb up out of that pit. You want to feel like you’re going to be “okay” again. Self-isolating and dettaching is one way. Bottling-up until bursts of anger strafe innocent by-standers is another. Anesthetizing with substances, diversions, or busy-ness is expected. Crying and reminiscing is common.

There are a variety of natural reactions to your initial deepest losses or your frequently re-surfacing sadnesses. You will have a REACTION—overtly or covertly—to your grief. I have…and I will again. We care about them. They were part of our lives. We continue living. We grieve that they are not continuing with us.

Here is a RESPONSE, a thoughtful gift for yourself, that you prepare personally. It’s ready as often as you need it.?Your “CareGriever Kit” is your healthier, healing alternative. This customized kit checks your boxes: your Emotional Intelligence box, your Preparedness box, your Independent Living box, your Self-Care box, your “what do I do when I don’t know what to do” box.

You fill it while your mind is clear, your emotions are calm, and your relationships are growing deeper. The “CareGriever Kit” process is whatever and however YOU determine is good for YOU. Which items and when you choose to use them is something you DO have control over when feelings are spiraling out of control. The people who care about you as you grieve will know you have something to see yourself through.

Be generous to yourself. Put in plenty of variety. Fill your kit extravagantly. Whether you are packing your kit for the first time, unpacking for use, or re-filling for the inevitable, you KNOW yourself. What restores your soul? Where do you turn for assurance? When are you most likely to smile? How have others ministered to you in the past? Select cuddly comforts, rare finds, silly stuff, reminders of who you still are, something of real substance, distracting gizmos, representations of enduring truth, meaningful treasures and guilty pleasures. In those particularly painful moments, you may need more than one.

Empower yourself and others. Print and pass this article along to any hired or unpaid person who comes alongside to assist. This kit would make a heartfelt gift for grieving caregivers.

Non-perishable foods which are comforting or uplifting

+particularly favorite soups with a unique bowl and spoon used exclusively at low points

+drink packet mixes with a note to your future self to Grieve Well by being Well Hydrated

+indulgent snacks because you and the one you’ve lost are worth it

Private items of introspection and reminiscence

+journaling notebook and a high-quality ink pen

+any item from earlier years that always brought you encouragement

+photos of people long gone that reminds you that you have grieved well before

+novels, classic comic books, poetry, and old letters you finally can sit down and soak in

Personal hygiene products that restore your humanity

+crazy nail polish color, a ring from an ancestor, gloves “no one wears anymore”, a wrist band from an event

+cologne or perfume that maybe others don’t like, but makes you feel large & in charge

+expensive shampoo, soap, oil or lotion that tingles or makes you feel like a valuable human being

Ceremonial flames, warmth and lighting

+candles that change your mood as the day turns to night

+aroma therapy from potpourri, incense, scented wax, wall plug-ins you just really like

+jackets, sweaters, or blankets reserved only for times like these

+glow sticks, battery-operated lights, or a string of seasonal lights

Tribute representations that you add to a private memorial

+polished stones that you place in a jar or water feature

+a small flag that you can put at half-mast next to your bed

+flower bulbs that you bury in pots or the yard

+puzzle pieces that you put into place as that friend has now left this place

Sounds that allow you to sink into sorrow, then rise again

+selection of music that you only play when you really need it

+recordings of healthier, happier times in your life you reserve for restoration

+harmonica, wind chimes, bells, water stick, or something that you activate and control

Condolences to share with others who are sharing your grief

+holiday décor you would like to give them to commemorate that life

+sympathy or general note cards so that you can write them a message

+baking mix so that you can bring them freshly made brownies, etc.

+pre-printed “busy-ness cards” to pass on to others to let them know someone has passed on

Project starters to give you a forward focus

+practical, useful supplies to build something that will last

+culturally expressive supplies to get in touch with your roots

+artistic supplies for a free-form, one-of-a-kind, make-whatever creativity fest

Very likely you thought of different things that specifically suit you. Or you decided to include some of the above but for a different purpose.

That’s the stuff! Make it your own. Put it all in a container that makes sense to you. Filling your kit won’t fix your feelings. USING your kit is a step toward facing your worst feelings on your own terms.