Your Business is Not Your Identity

Andy Cavanaugh is an entrepreneur and business broker out of the Kansas City metropolitan area. At brokerage firm Apex Business Advisors he has seen many married couples who own businesses together walk through his door.

He has also been married for many years himself and once had a business venture with his wife. For these reasons (and the fact that he’s an all-around good guy), I knew I had to welcome him to the Untrapped Entrepreneur Podcast for Season 2.

We had a wonderful conversation that was full of interesting takeaways. As you can imagine, Andy had much to share on the topic of being a married entrepreneur.

A Natural Entrepreneurial Spirit

When Andy graduated from college he started working at a consultant firm. He worked there for a few years before moving on to some other corporate gigs in the KC area. Although he was consistently a top performer, his position at his last three jobs were eliminated.

This caused a shift for Andy. He says that he had always dabbled in entrepreneurial ventures — selling baseball cards, mowing lawns, working on side hustles when he got older — and so after being unexpectedly let go the natural next step was to go out on his own.

Getting fired coincided with his wife’s desire for a career shift as well. She was a school teacher at the time and was really struggling with some of the changes that were coming through the school district. She too was disenchanted with her profession, and so the couple decided to buy into a smoothie business as a franchisee.

Andy’s wife was going to operate the business while Andy planned to be more in the background — focusing on sales, marketing, bookkeeping, and the like. This plan was soon upheaved when his wife got pregnant and was told that she needed to be on bed rest.?

That meant that Andy was now totally responsible for the 5-year-old child they already had, the smoothie business, and the consulting he was doing on the side. He reflects that while he was running around like a maniac, his wife couldn’t do anything to help, doctor’s orders. It was a stressful time, to say the least.

They had to make a change — it was time to switch roles and responsibilities. The things Andy had planned to do had to go to his wife and vice versa. He laughs and says that they, “shifted roles to their weaknesses. The new roles were not our strengths.” His wife was personable and enjoyed being around people, but struggled in the math department. Andy was the opposite. But, at this point, they didn’t have a choice.

It was a learning experience that the couple had to go through, but they did learn a lot and came out of it even stronger. A few years ago they sold the smoothie franchise, and now Andy is full-time in the business brokerage world.

Communication is Everything

Today, Andy works with many different types of entrepreneurs who are looking to exit their businesses, but he says that most of them are simply folks looking to retire. I had to ask: were there any patterns he noticed in these couples? Do any of them talk about things they would have done differently?

It all comes down to communication. One pain point he sees often is that one spouse is ready to sell but the other one isn’t. He gives an example of a mom-and-pop auto repair shop. The husband is the mechanic and the wife takes care of the front desk and back office. The husband is sick of being a mechanic, his body hurts, and he wants to retire. But, they’re only 55 and 52 years old. What’s the wife supposed to do for the rest of her life? She’s not tired yet.

Many times couples like this end up in Andy’s office and the spouse who isn’t ready to retire yet introduces roadblocks to the sale. They haven’t communicated enough, and as such they’re not on the same page. Andy says that much of his job involves determining whether or not a business — and its owners — are actually ready to sell. He adds that a lot of this could be avoided with better communication.

He also sees a lot of married folks who have a different idea of what retirement looks like — again due to a lack of open, honest communication. He says that it doesn’t matter what the relationship is, whether it’s a spouse, friend, or business partnership. As soon as communication starts to break down, deviate, or stop, things start to splinter.?

The key? Talk — even if you disagree — because that open line of dialogue makes all the difference.

Where Does Your Identity Lie?

Something else that Andy has noticed since working with married entrepreneurs is that many of them don’t have an identity outside of their business. They’re used to working 15, 16-hour days, and that’s how they spend their time together. They don’t often enjoy each other’s company outside of the business, which ends up causing problems.

Andy insists that a lot of this has to do with where their identities lie. This causes a natural fear when it comes time to sell, and many couples wonder, who am I? Who am I in this relationship without the business? What are we supposed to do together now?

While it’s a difficult transition to make, Andy says that most people figure it out. There are other things they can do together outside of the business and those are the best exits.?

Andy notes that he and his wife worked really hard on this and always tried to remember their priorities. Their identity was not wrapped up in the smoothie place — businesses come and go, but their marriage is the mainstay.

As an entrepreneur, you’re going to build something, exit, and build something else. When you’re married, tying your identity too closely to the business and not close enough to who you are as a couple is a big mistake.?

Even I sometimes need to be reminded of the importance of focusing on my marriage, no matter what happens with the business. At the end of the day, my relationship with my wife Lauren and our family are the most important thing.

The moral here is to keep your personal and business identities separate and communicate as much as possible. When you do, you’ll be able to enjoy your marriage before, during, and after all of your entrepreneurial pursuits.

This content originally appeared on The Untrapped Entrepreneur.

#mindset #business #communication #entrepreneurship #untrapped