Your Brain is Not Shrinking Any More Than Your Head Is, But Stress Will Cause Amnesia

Your Brain is Not Shrinking Any More Than Your Head Is, But Stress Will Cause Amnesia

A few months ago, a long-time coaching client sent me an email with a subject line that said, “You said this wouldn’t happen.” I clicked on the email, fast, feeling a troubling jolt of concern.

In the email, she shared a HuffPost article. The title read “Doctors Reveal Exactly What Happens to Your Brain After You Turn 50”.?

The article delivered the news that the brain, invariably, starts shrinking after 50. Two juicy graphic details embellished the threat: The cortex will thin. The insulating layer of myelin will degenerate. In other words, the part of the brain we rely on most ends up reduced to a dysfunctional layer of Saran Wrap. It was easy enough to envision all of the over-50s in the world walking around with shrunken heads. Or maybe just making a racket -? jingle-jangling like baby rattles clinking on every step, that dried up prune of a brain smacking against the inside of a sapless aged skull.

Later in the article, the author surrendered to fate, writing something akin to “there’s not a lot you can do about an aging brain”. The reader was advised to avoid street drugs, stop smoking, increase exercise, and eat right; then, maybe the pace of shrinking would slow down. The gist was a few lifestyle factors might decelerate cognitive decline, but nothing is going to stop you from sliding down that slippery slope of inevitable brain loss. Yep. You’re doomed to be frustrated and made a fool by your shrinking brain.

I blinked my eyes. I think I may have dropped a WTF-bomb.

What utter rot. (Especially the clickbait headline that included the claim “doctors? reveal exactly” what happens.) Shame on you HuffPost.?

The day after I received her email, we had a Zoom chat.?

• I reminded her that clearing her headspace of this kind of garbage is one of the steps to taking care of her entire nervous system, especially her brain.?

• I reminded her that her meditation and relaxation practices were reducing her brain’s age. Even medicine recognized those practices as reducing the brain’s age by at least 7 - 10 years.?

• I reminded her that the inner lifestyle, a.k.a. style of self-directedness, equaled if not dwarfed the outer lifestyle factors.?

• Then I reminded her she was 81 years old. Her brain was already well past the looming threat of a shrunken 50 year old brain.

I did not have to remind her that she was doing great - better than most people at 50. And, I did not have to remind her that it was by design. It was she who’d chosen to nurture her brain to stay young and flexible.

Let me share a snapshot of this lovely woman to help you get to know her. She owns two companies and still works every day; not because she has to, but because she is full of ideas, and loves to lead and mentor her people. She is a skier who still loves a challenging blue run. She has a boyfriend who is ten years younger than she is. She enjoys sex. She doesn’t take a single pill, except the nutrition- or herbal-type that’s been part of her coaching program for the 25+ years we’ve been working together.?

I am her brain and body life coach. It’s been my job to help her excel in leadership and life, so she loves herself, and loves the life she is living, every day. For the first 45 years of her life, she lived on other people’s terms, sacrificed her well-being, and neglected her own priorities. She became rich and powerful, but unwell in her mind, sick in her body, and disconnected from her own sense of purpose and meaning.

Back when we started coaching, she had just come through the roughest patch of her life, that included a “mental breakdown” following a divorce, a lawsuit with her former partners, a cancer diagnosis, and the loss of a dear sister. Despite her high IQ, financial wealth, entrepreneurial power, and social prowess, her career was in the pits, her personal life was in shambles, and her mental and physical health were teetering on the brink of disaster.?

She wanted two things money could not buy. Meaning and fulfillment. At that time, she was baffled. She couldn’t understand how she could be so rich and successful, yet feel so miserably unfulfilled. She told me that when she looked forward to the next ten years of her life, she felt a sense of panic. There was not a drop of enthusiasm for what was to come. Just dread.

The transformation happened quickly. (It was that, or die.) She threw herself into coaching with the same kind of vigor that had made her successful in everything she’d done. We outlined her problems, and we set to solving them.?

What was her biggest problem? It was this: She didn’t know what to expect from her own brain, body, or mind. She was clueless about her very own being. She’d lived her life fulfilling everyone else’s expectations of her. The only thing she’d ever known how to do was to push herself to accomplish, to achieve, to win, to compete, to lead, and to succeed. She had been on autopilot with two default settings: “Make Partner” (a.k.a. “Succeed to the Top”) and “Make a lot of money” (a.k.a. “Get Rich”). Basically, she had been living life as a circus seal, constantly balancing a ball on her nose and doing fancy tricks for the public. Perform. Perform. Perform. Applause. Applause. Applause. Repeat.

Her new goal? It was to love herself back into health, and to love herself enough to do what she wanted to do instead of what she’d been trained to do. She wanted to get rid of the “shoulds”.?

She quickly learned that she didn’t have to give up power, leadership, wealth, or success in order to love herself and to love the life she was living, and that it could be better than she’d ever imagined.?

In the more than 200 times we’ve met over the last 25+ years, I’ve found her to be one of the most forward-thinking, enthusiastic people I’ve ever worked with. She is powerful, yet blessed with a curious and humble beginner’s mind. I can’t help but feel awe at her transformation. It was no small feat to change her life in her mid-50s. With grace and courage, she redefined herself, emerging more energized and vibrant than ever before. Her past no longer defined her; she had become a whole new version of herself, one that embraced life on her own terms.

So, why did the HuffPost article upset her??

She was concerned because in recent weeks she’d felt distracted, and couldn’t seem to restore her focus on a big and important project. Suddenly, after seeing the article, it occurred to her that her brain might, finally, be aging. She was alarmed, afraid of what was to come.

After reviewing her priorities and life’s happenings, here’s what we discovered: Her brain was healthy. But she was stressed. Very stressed. She had a new challenge. It was a big goal, and the outcome was important to her. Unfortunately, it was not going well. So, the stress was mounting. And, guess what? She had ignored it. She’d been overlooking her own brain, body, and mind’s needs.

Stress isn’t something that happens ‘out there’. It happens in the body, to the brain…and ultimately to the mind. It takes its toll. And it happens at every age, regardless of the IQ, EQ, bank account, or title….

The shadow of self-doubt that was cast over her when she read that article happened because she was vulnerable. Vulnerable because of the stress.

“I’m mad at myself,” she said. “I know better. How could I have let myself go? And, how could I have fallen for this nonsense?”?

I said the only truth I know, “You’re only human. Stress is insidious. It makes your brain and body a stranger to you. You’re not the first person to be oblivious to it while it’s happening. That’s the amnesia of stress. It’s the poison of forgetting yourself. It makes you vulnerable to all sorts of harm.”?

Before we ended our meeting, we chatted about a few more things. We strategized how she’d handle her current challenge, and she reflected on how important it was for her to honor her own values and priorities. She was in a lighthearted and carefree state of mind, but determined to achieve her goal. Just as ambitious as ever.

This is the magic of great coaching. It’s about using self-discovery for the purpose of self-evolution. When you are self-determined, you have the power of agency. It’s the ability to act as an effective agent for yourself—to contemplate, reflect, choose, and create the meaningful life you are meant to live. You get to tap into your own inner wisdom. That’s not only where you find your divine self, it’s your fountain of youth. That is what protects your brain.

Science loves pronouncements, but the truth is, our brains are far more complex than clickbait headlines can capture. Big pharma thrives on the illusion of decline, churning out pills for every perceived ill. But what my client needed wasn't a prescription, it was a reminder. She’s a powerful being. She just needed a nudge to guide her back in the direction of herself.?

The amnesia of stress robs people of their own lives. In forgetting themselves, they miss out on the joy of self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-love - and all of the possibilities that go with the power of agency. Whether it’s a guide, a coach, therapist, doctor, teacher, or mentor – there is someone out there who can offer a deep perspective, not a mindless pronouncement of doom. The interplay between stress, brain, and body can feel awful, and be daunting, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Self-discovery is the true path to a vibrant brain at any age.