Is YOUR BOSS a Narcissist?

Movies are great for telling stories, even how to work with bosses with big egos. I’m sure most of you are aware of the movie, The Devil Wears Prada, which is based on the internationally best-selling novel written by Lauren Weisberger, who was an assistant to the editor at Vogue. In the movie, the editor uses power and her ego to hurt people and to beat up those who would undermine her kingdom. Do you feel like Devil Wears Prada 2 is looming on the horizon with your boss? If so, there are better ways you can look at this! In the original movie, the assistant comes face to face with her own obsession with success and the kind of person she has become. The lessons she learns from the editor about the nature of the competitive marketplace are ones that all of us have to learn early on in the world of work on the way to leadership success. It’s time to set the scene and roll the cameras as you are the director of your life! FIRST COMES COURAGE!

“Ego interrupts intuition” – Danielle LaPorte

Is YOUR BOSS a Narcissist?

In Inc., Matthew Jones outlines, “Is Your Boss a Narcissist? 7 Easy Steps to Survive Big Egos at Work.” Our society values people who brag about themselves--their accomplishments, their travels, and their knowledge--because it gives people a sense of hope that they too can achieve success, and provides them an opportunity to temporarily forget their own shortcomings. Charismatic, confident individuals know how to capture attention and inspire others, which is one reason they do well in business. Combine this bravado with the desire or willingness to take advantage of others and you have the perfect recipe for maximum profits and a bottom-line-driven mentality. The major downside of narcissistic leaders is that they don't always make the best bosses. They frequently blame others, come off as overly harsh, or won't even acknowledge your existence. Other times they make you feel like an object--a toy that they can control--rather than the unique person you really are. These relationship difficulties are inevitable. Because many individuals have narcissistic traits, it's important for you to learn how to navigate these sometimes difficult workplace relationships. Here are seven ways to survive your narcissistic boss and deal with big egos:

• Know that the bold front is armour to protect against insecurities
• Don't take their dismissiveness personally--it's not you, it's them
• Recognize that they need to be the centre of attention--and that's okay
• Be strategic (and gentle) with your feedback
• Avoid getting caught in the cycle of blame, but stand up for yourself
• Don't expect to feel emotionally supported--get that elsewhere
• Challenge yourself to practice compassion

Handling Toxic Bosses

A former Forbes contributor shows “How to handle 4 types of toxic bosses.” She seemed nice enough in the interview. It all started out great—but now it’s week 2 on the job, and you’re quickly realizing you might have a boss-from-you-know-where situation on your hands. Unfortunately, you’re not the only one who could write a tell-all work memoir that would make The Devil Wears Prada seem like a bedtime story. Bad bosses are out there—in every industry, at every level, at every organization. The good news? They usually come in one of a few identifi-able varieties. And by recognizing what kind of monster you have on your hands, you can come up with the right tactics for handling the situation. Check out our guide to the four common types of bad bosses, plus tips for managing the crazy.

Beyond the Devil Wears Prada BOSS

You can “Survive the Devil-Wears-Prada Boss says DeborahHill. Twice a week our boss picked someone to tear apart in staff meetings. Although she was a brilliant and visionary engineer and entrepreneur—and she knew how to hire exceptional people—her leadership and management skills left a lot to be desired. She skipped over the love or respect conundrum many women leaders face, and went straight to fear and domination. Since I had just moved across the country with my two small children to take the job, quitting wasn’t an option. I wasn’t the only one affected either; the whole team struggled. Can teams succeed despite a toxic boss? We needed new coping skills fast. Here's what we did:

• Adapt to the Reality and Help Each Other
• Shift the Focus
• Prioritize Relationships within the Team

For us, personal and team validation turned out to be a key strategy for coping with our Devil-Wears-Prada diva. Thankfully, this is a skill you get better at with practice. It helped our group stay productive through some tough moments. We recognized the power of this technique and actively used it to on-board newbies who joined the team over time.

HOW MUCH EGO IS HEALTHY

In my blog, Leadership and ego, I always say that Leadership is an Attitude and Mindset not a role or title. However what happens when we step into a leadership role and our ego gets into the way. Have you seen this happen? While it takes a certain amount of ego to be a confident leader, how much is too much? Ego refers to our sense of self. It is our self-knowledge, our acceptance of our abilities or lack of them, and the awareness of our place in the world and in our relationships. We all need ego to help us get through life.

While people often associate the word ego with big-headedness, it is actually a necessary part of our human makeup. If you are a leader, be sure to make peace with your ego so it helps you perform as the great leader you want to be. Here are some great tips around dropping the Ego:

• Practice forgiveness and letting go
• Practice honesty and being open
• Surrender your need for control
• Enjoy silent moments with yourself
• Practice gratitude

Learning to let go of your ego is very easy in theory, however can be very difficult to execute in the moment. When I think about times that I’ve been frustrated I always recognise a single thought that resonates in my head, “Drop your ego! You have nothing to lose here, but a whole life to win.

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Stay Kind. Stay Courageous.

Sonia x