Is Your Body Out-Talking You ?
Everyone has heard how important it is to pay attention to body language. In this article a number of different aspects will be presented. When you are watching and listening, be careful how you base your interpretation. Listen to the words, vocal variety, as well as the use of eyes and gestures. Don't read too much into any specific expression - one gesture, one movement, or how someone is moving their hands does not tell the whole story. Don't permit your eyes to deceive you when you are listening; don't judge the message because of a person's physical appearance. Another point is to glance around to see how other people are reacting; maybe you are just being overly sensitive. When you are the speaker you have to assess how to use the space around you. Depending on the audience and the situation you will have to determine how friendly you can be with the group, how close you can get to them, and what they consider a polite public distance.
Every move you make expresses more about how you feel and think than anything you can say. What you say may only be half as important as how you handle your body movements, posture, gestures and stride. The way you walk reveals a great deal about how you feel and how you view life. A walking style will vary according to the situation and can be an indication of feelings, attitudes, and skills.
How is your posture? Do you walk upright with your shoulders back showing you are confident. Or do you have a perpetual slump which could indicate feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. Occasionally temporary “slumps” in life can take on a physical expression; those occasions will hopefully go by quickly. How large is your stride? Self-confidence, purpose, and knowing your destination are revealed in a brisk walk. Hesitant steps are often taken by those who fear the future, are aimless, or indecisive. The steps you take could also indicate discouragement or disappointment. Do you walk with a spring in your step or do you shuffle along?
If you are walking with your head and torso thrust forward this could signal aggressiveness. It can also demonstrate that the person thrives on meeting challenges head-on while not fearing obstacles. In contrast, a person whose head droops and eyes face the ground may be demonstrating a lack of willingness to face what is happening in life. If you walk with your upper body turned to one side or one shoulder is leading it could be a subconscious statement that you are trying to avoid conflicts or adversarial encounters.
Swinging arms are characteristic for people who are open and receptive to what is happening in their everyday occurrence. If you bury your hands in pockets or they are just dangling at your side you might be saying “I want to be left alone.”
Watching someone's eyes can tell you a lot about how much attention they are paying. When the eyes are wide open it tends to signify understanding and acceptance of an idea. It might also be used by an individual accepting a new idea with great difficulty and who has questions that you should be addressing. When someone's eyes wander it might suggest that a particular idea is unimportant, inappropriate or even sounds ridiculous to the listener. Depending on the situation you may or may not want to stop what you're discussing and focus on that person to try and discover what the issue is. If you have lost the attention of the listener, because they are lost or confused with the information you were sharing, they may look at the walls, the ceiling or even at the floor. Squinting could mean that an individual is coming to a conclusion or that they are thinking hard about what you have said. It could also mean that they need clarification on key points. A narrowing of the eyes could mean the speaker has touched an emotional trigger point.
We know that hands tell many different stories. If hands are relaxed with the palms facing upward this gesture usually means a calm, neutral demeanor. It may indicate a desire on the part of the person to present an idea in a straightforward, logical manner. Honesty and a level of comfort with the idea which leads to acceptance or agreement often accompanies a palms up gesture. Clasped hands can be an indication that someone is nervous or concerned; it can also be an attempt to hide something. Another aspect is that an individual may be subtly suggesting that he or she has a hypothesis and is preparing to advance it. When you see hands that are open and palms outstretched it could be a signal that the person is hoping you will change your mind about your position or idea. On the other hand they could just be seeking your agreement or help with the key issue.
Have you ever been distracted by someone's hands moving in all directions? When the speaker is demonstrative they seem to use their hands quite a bit to emphasize points. It can be distracting to the message so be careful when you are speaking or listening (close your eyes to concentrate if need be). Depending on how an arm moves this could demonstrate the desire to conclude the session or smooth over a disagreement. Finger drumming, thumb twiddling, or other fidgeting might tell you someone is either bored or agitated. We've all been subject to the single finger movement. Many times this action suggests a discussion or presentation has gone on long enough and it's time for you to make a summing up point. Or, the person could be attempting to come to a resolution on an outstanding issue and they want to make sure they have your attention.
If you notice someone clenching muscles in their hands, face, shoulders, or arms this could indicate aggression, anger or nervousness. Some people use these gestures to suggest an indifference to what is being said or a desire to speed up a slow moving discussion. Don't necessarily believe that tenseness is negative though. The listener could just be unsure of what was said or has a question but is concerned about standing out from the group by asking for clarity.
Facial expressions are very important because that is where people focus their primary attention. Use your smile to relax yourself and your audience. A genuine smile implies sincerity which is associated with a willingness to be fair and equitable. Move your eyes around the room – slowly - to connect with people. Don't stare at one person, even if they are alone with you, move your eyes periodically. Furrows between the eyes can indicate disturbance, a question, or lack of understanding. If someone is chewing or licking their lips, tensing their jaw, or have a pouting expression it might be a sign of discomfort with what they are hearing or perhaps just being where they are.
Is your body out-talking your message? The tips above will help you determine how well you are presenting your outer package. Remember, your posture, eye contact, gestures, and walk are regularly influenced by your emotions, attitudes, capabilities, and confidence level. Pay better attention to your own actions and you will be more aware when you are the observer and listener.
**
Looking for additional ideas on how to enhance your personal message including thoughts, beliefs, talents, and skills? Please take a look at my large series of eBooks at www.amazon.com/author/virginiareeves