BE YOUR BIGGEST FAN: Why self-compassion is the missing piece of your wellbeing puzzle

How many times have you told yourself you’re useless and not good enough?

How many times have you started out trying to do something new but doubted your ability to make it happen, so you just gave up?

How many times have you thought you’re destined to fail because you’re not capable of the success you wish for?

I’ve been this person, and I'd bet you have been or still are this person now. I was always putting myself down and berating myself for everything I wasn’t. I’d jump straight to the things I didn’t like about myself and the parts of my life that I felt were failing because of my lack of ability. The problem is that when you think like this it creates negative feelings which drag you down even further. When you feel rubbish and your mood is low, your energy drops, you can’t be bothered, and you lack motivation. You keep spiralling to a place that isn’t making you feel worthy and capable of achieving the things you want in your life. You feel stuck and like it’s your fault.

It’s one of the biggest factors why so many of us don’t make the changes we want to make, why we stay stuck not feeling truly happy, or bigger still, why we don’t like ourselves.

When it comes to self-care the number one thing that makes a positive difference to your life is being kind to yourself, yet it is the one thing we do the least!

I focus on five pillars of wellness in my coaching framework, starting with the mindset. It doesn’t end with the mindset, because there is no finish line. We must always be aware of the power of our mindset and keep evolving the way we think, building habits that embed positive ways of thinking into our routines and lifestyles. This is how we’ll grow our self-belief and self-worth and be kind and supportive to ourselves, encouraging ourselves to progress and change and achieve.

There are so many foundational things when it comes to wellness that we should all be building into our habits and routines - moving our bodies, getting good sleep, having a nutritionally balanced diet, managing stress, and surrounding ourselves with the right relationships and communities. However, I believe that the biggest impact on overall wellbeing is actually the thoughts you have about yourself, and how you feel about yourself, who you are, and your life. You can do all the practical things that will positively contribute to your health, but if you continue to undervalue yourself and struggle to show yourself compassion, kindness and encouragement, you’re always going to feel off the mark with your overall happiness and health.

That’s why I want you to learn how to cheer and support yourself. How to be your biggest fan. Why would you be a supporter to all those you love and care for but not think it necessary or important to be one for yourself? To put it simply, you have to like and love yourself.

It’s so normal for us to go about our lives giving our energy and emotions to everyone else when the reality is that we need it first. The way we think and talk to ourselves is the most impactful voice we hear, yet we don’t realise this, so when we fall into a habit of negative self-talk and thoughts of self-doubt and dislike, we’re doing far more damage than if our friends or loved ones acted this way towards us.

Imagine if you become your number one fan! By building habits that encourage a positive way of thinking and treating yourself with compassion, you can truly change how you feel and the way you live your life.

When you build kindness, compassion, support, encouragement and self-belief habits in your life you are going to 100% value yourself and know your self-worth. When you have high self-worth you’re going to want to take care of yourself to feel good and happy, and achieve the kind of life you’re dreaming of but struggling to build right now.

It starts with reframing thoughts you have that might not be things you’d like to think or have someone else say to you. Put yourself into the shoes of a good friend who is advising you, coaching you on something you’re struggling with - become this friend for yourself.

Accept the fact that you have things going on in your life that might mean you aren’t able to do the things you’d like to do. Accept that you have challenges right now, or will face new obstacles that might throw you off your path. This is life, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough or that what’s happening to you is all your fault. When you have a bad day you must practice self-compassion and put perspective into what’s going on. Don’t let a moment of feeling rubbish or having something not go to plan make you throw all of your progress out of the window and tell yourself you might as well go back to the way things used to be.?

It might seem hard but by pushing yourself to challenge your typical automatic negative thoughts about yourself you’ll get better at recognising when they’re happening and can react faster to pausing them and thinking about how to reframe them. The more you repeat this and stay consistent with it, the sooner this will become your new norm - a new healthy habit.

So, next time that inner voice tells you you’re not good enough or that something you failed at was because this is just who you are, tell it to stop and replace it with what you’d like your coach or best-friend to say to you to make you feel stronger and in control. Be your own coach, and start shifting your mindset to one that offers empathy, compassion, support and encouragement. Be your own biggest supporter, friend and coach and create the thoughts, feelings and actions that lead to the success and happiness you’re striving for.

Nicola Mercer is a Transformational Health Coach supporting female entrepreneurs and those working in corporate to transform their health into wealth using her core framework of mindset, movement, nutrition, sleep and stress.

Offering one-to-one and group coaching programmes, alongside workshops, bespoke programmes and wellbeing consultancy, to normalise healthy living so that we can all thrive in and out of the workplace.

Reach out to book a free call to chat about how we can support you or your team to live healthy, happy and strong.

#selfcompassion #selfcare #supportyourself #selfworth #healthyhabits #healthandwellnesscoach #workplacewellness