Your behavioural patterns determine your success in any relationship

Several research studies on mental health have found that healthy relationships and good mental health can contribute to lower rates of anxiety and depression, higher self-esteem, greater empathy, and more trusting and cooperative relationships between individuals. Social ties can instil a sense of responsibility and concern for others that then lead individuals to engage in behaviours that protect the health of others, as well as their own health. Social ties provide information and create norms that further influence health habits.

As all of us know, love is one of the most profound emotions dearest to human beings. There are many kinds of love, but many people seek its expression in a romantic relationship with a compatible partner (or partners). For these individuals, romantic relationships comprise one of the most meaningful aspects of life, and are a source of deep fulfilment and happiness. Each individual of course should first feel confident that the partner is willing to devote time and attention to the other. They must both also be committed to accommodating their differences, even as those change over time.

We know that good relationships are generally marked by emotional and physical fairness, particularly in the distribution of chores necessary to maintain a household. Partners in strong relationships also feel grateful for one another, openly provide and receive affection, and engage in honest discussions about sex between partners. What we mean by true concept of love in determining whether a particular person is suitable as a potential mate, and whether a connection reflects temporary infatuation or true love, can challenging, but research suggests that there are revealing clues in behavioural patterns of the person.

In good relationships, partners try to afford their partner the benefit of the doubt, which creates a sense of being on the same team. This feeling, maintained over the long term, can help couples overcome the challenges they will inevitably face together. While the need for human connection appears to be their innate behaviour, the ability to form healthy, loving relationships is learned. The evidence clearly shows that humans do not respond to the same stimuli in the same way across the various relationship contexts; it is indeed, the meaning of kind of stimulus to the individual may change dramatically with changes in relationship context. 

We’re more often than not aware of the impact our feelings and behaviours have on each other, and because of this relationship, changing our behaviours can have a very big effect on our emotions. We can often tackle depression by changing key behaviours, and for many young people this is the most direct way to help them improve their mood. Our thoughts normally go on in the background while helping us make decisions and carry out many tasks automatically almost on reflex actions actually.

Sometimes, we become aware of our thoughts for example when we try to work out a puzzle, or remember a specific event of the past, we have to apply our automatic thoughts. Automatic thinking (‘thinking fast’) means that we can get on with life for most of the time without too much effort. Automatic thinking helps us make decisions quickly, recognise patterns, fill in gaps in information, study the thinking process and carry out well-rehearsed behaviours of people around. This brings us to the concept of cognitive behavioural therapy

Aaron Beck first developed 'cognitive' therapy with the belief that a person's experiences result in cognition or thoughts. This cognition or thoughts are connected with schemes, which are core beliefs developed from early life, to create our view of the world and determine our emotional states and behaviours. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) involves the individual working collaboratively with the therapist to develop skills for testing and modifying beliefs, identifying distorted thinking, relating to others in different ways, and changing behaviours. Cognitive therapy focuses on present thinking, behaviour, and communication rather than on past experiences and is oriented toward problem solving. Cognitive therapy has been applied to a broad range of problems including depression, anxiety, panic, fears, eating disorders, substance abuse, and personality problems commonly known.

To summarise, when simply put, a situation arises, and we have thoughts about the facts of that situation; those thoughts actually trigger the feelings, and based on those feelings we engage in behaviours which in turn impact the situation (either positively or negatively), and the cycle continues. This is the major cycle determining the behavioural patterns which becomes a determining factor for success in relationship with people. Stay Blessed ! #kishoreshintre