Is Your Addiction to Struggle Causing Your Emotional Exhaustion?

Could your emotional exhaustion be caused by your addiction to struggle?

It’s a loaded question isn’t it? But just take a moment and let the question sink in…

If you are like me, perhaps you have taken pride in being someone who works hard, studies hard, has overcome numerous challenges and adversities, and is extremely passionate about numerous complex pursuits. And while these can certainly be admirable traits, could it be possible that you are also someone who resists ease and welcomes more struggle? And is it possible that all of this is contributing to a feeling of emotional exhaustion and overwhelm?

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While “I struggle” to admit this (pun intended), I was faced with this question during a session with my coach and I had to admit to myself that yes, I have been in active addiction to struggle for most of my life!

And that this conditioning “to struggle” took root in early childhood and continues to play out in my present day life, creating even more… you guessed it… struggle.?

When my coach posed the question it caught me off guard because I had never considered this before. But now that I have had some time to reflect on it I can see that I do have a great deal of resistance towards embracing the idea that things can be easy.?

Here are some of the things I have said to myself, in the past, that have fed my addiction to struggle…

“Life is hard.”

“I have to be perfect to be loveable.”

“I?need to work harder.”

“I can’t depend on anyone else.”

“I have to do everything myself so it gets done right.”

“I hate to trouble others by asking for help.”

“Hard work and sacrifice has made me the person I am today.”

“Money is hard to come by and even harder to hang onto.”

“Kids are a lot of work.”

“Relationships are so much work!”?

“Building a business is hard work.”

“Anything worth having is worth fighting for.”

“What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.”?

Can you relate to some version of any of these?

Once I started to really tune in to my self talk on this I understood why I am so prone to mental and emotional exhaustion (aka; burnout). Not only am I placing my focus on the struggle but in doing so I create a lot of barriers to my own success, which require a herculean effort to overcome. And as I go through this cycle over and over again I recognize that there have been times where I have given up before I even really get started because… well… I convince myself it’s going to be too hard, and too exhausting, so why even bother? Hence the “addiction to struggle”.

So I had to ask myself, why am I doing this? What does the struggle give me??

And it hit me… it gives me a distraction. It provides a rabbit hole for me to hide in so that I don’t have to confront the aspects of myself that I could be exploring and dealing with but would prefer to avoid. Why? Because let’s face it, sifting through layers of grief, anger, shame and guilt can be pretty darned uncomfortable.

You see, the struggle allows us to numb ourselves from the source of our unhappiness and loss of control. In other words it appears to be easier to keep ourselves busy with “the struggle” than to turn our attention inward and work through years of accumulated fear and grief.

And the resulting collapse into exhaustion gives us a “legitimate” or “socially acceptable” reason to slow down, give up, and numb out.

Can you relate to this in any way??

When I am struggling, I live inside my head, and I disconnect from my emotions. I go into “victim mentality” focusing on how everything in life is happening “to me” and singing the song of “poor me” (in chorus with about 80% of the population) while staying stuck in a cycle of stress, overwhelm and pain. And it’s been pretty humbling to realize that this has been my comfort zone in the past!

When we think of our journey in life as the hero’s journey of course we want to be able to reflect back on the proverbial “dragons” we have slayed that got us from point “A” to point “B”. Because let’s admit it makes for really good storytelling, but maybe it’s time that we acknowledge that not every path has to have a dragon.

Some paths can be EASY and… dare I say it… even?FUN!?

We don’t need to conjure up a dragon to slay simply because “slaying dragons” is what we know and have been trained to do most of our lives.

What if we allowed things to be easier??

What if we started to replace the old thinking with empowering questions like…

“How can this be easy?”

“What is the easiest path here?”

“How can I make this fun?”

“Who can I ask for help to make this even easier?”

When we ask ourselves questions like these, we shift our thinking and our focus to possibilities instead of problems and the load begins to feel a lot lighter.

And also worth noting… When the people around us see us having more fun and feeling more at ease with life they gravitate towards us and want to follow our lead. It happens every time! I know this because I have experienced it in my own life and watched my clients do the same.

Are you ready to give this a try? It's so easy!

Let’s do this together. All you need is a pen and a piece of paper. Now take in a few deep breaths and ask yourself, what is one thing I say to myself about life being hard or a struggle and write it down.?

Here are some cues to get you started… (choose one).

Life is…

People are…

I am…

Money is…

The most important thing to know about happiness is…

Now cross out that statement and underneath write an empowering question instead.?

When you are done, post the piece of paper somewhere visible as a daily reminder to replace the old limiting belief about struggle with this new empowered one about ease and grace.?

And if you are feeling inspired please share your new and old statement in the comments below and leave some encouraging remarks for others who have shared theirs as well. Let’s do this together and raise each other up! We DO recover from our addiction to struggle!

And remember… Easy does not mean lazy or selfish, it means treating ourselves with compassion and grace while loving and honoring ourselves. And all of this provides us with the bandwidth to show up for others with greater focus, energy and joy. And we often will inspire them to do the same.

If you’re looking for more clarity on how to release your addiction to struggle, please get in touch with me.

About Shelley Wallace Coaching:

25 years Coaching & Counselling Experience ?? Hypnosis Practitioner - I show worthy women how to recover from burnout & manage stress. Learn to align with your values for more love, harmony & energy in your life!

?? Shelley Wallace Coaching website: https://www.shelleyw.ca/

?? Book a call with Shelley: https://www.shelleyw.ca/book-a-call/

?? [email protected]

?? 613-920-2881

Shelley Wallace Coaching Services:

? Private 1:1 Coaching

? Speaking/Private Events

? Online workshops & courses

? In person workshops & retreats in the Belleville / Bay of Quinte / Kingston, Ontario area, Canada (based in Stirling, Ontario)