Your 2 AM Friend

Do you have a friend you can call at 2 AM? The friend that will pick up no matter what when they see your name go across the screen on their phone? The friend that will pick up no matter what when they see your name? 

As we get older, it can become harder to make friends. Our responsibilities change, our interests change, and our access to new people can diminish. 

In the time of COVID-19, this is more true than ever. 

When we were young, we were in school with lots of other children, and the barriers to meet friends were low. As we got older, we tended to become friends with the people we worked with - proximity being the critical influence. But, as we get older, these opportunities tend to fade. 

To top it off, if you're a man, the chances are you don't make a lot of new friends - you tend to "lone wolf it." 

And if you're at the top of the food chain, someone who is in the public eye and successful, you feel that you need to maintain a certain persona, and thus you can't let your guard down with those that depend on you to lead them - your staff, your family, your tribe. 

But then there's your 2 AM friend. They're different. You have history with them. You've seen them at their best... and their worst. 

You know where the skeletons are in the closet, and they know where the bodies are buried. 

Friends come in all shapes and sizes. To take the analogy that Mel Robbins uses, friends are like parts of a tree. 

A tree has leaves. Those leaves change colors, grow, and die with the seasons. They're temporary, yet they feed the tree (you) with nourishment, and when it's time for the season to change, they die off and leave. 

Other friends are like branches. They are good friends and could have even been your 2 AM friend at one time, but life has changed. You may have moved, or perhaps one of you had kids, or your interests altered, and it was just time to move on. The branches on the tree are important, but at times, they need to be pruned. 

I've had to prune my tree many times in order to continue to grow. Nothing personal; it was just that I was growing and some of the people around me wanted to weigh me down. They were on their journey, and I was on mine. Yeah, I'm crazy, I get that, and I also love my craziness, so when a branch falls off, I honor it and allow that branch to go. It's tough for me because loyalty is something I value highly. But, at the end of the day, we might have to let go of that branch - for ourselves and for the branch. 

Sometimes our friendships transition because we simply no longer like the same things that brought us together and not because we don't enjoy the person. This is OK. Your friend you used to go to happy hour with and now has small children and is singing "Baby Shark" has moved on, yet they are still a great person. 

A tree also has roots. Roots keep us grounded. Roots are stable and are really the lifeblood of the tree. 

I recall hearing Lisa Nichols talk about when she "made it", was traveling the world speaking to thousands of people who would pay a lot of money to spend time with her. When she'd arrive home, high on her accomplishments, her 2 AM friends (my words, not hers) didn't care about her recent accomplishments; they just wanted to make sure she brought over her potato salad to the party. 

Now, I know I'm butchering her story, but you get the gist. Your 2 AM friends simply want you - the real you. 

Again, your 2 AM friends may change, and that's OK. 

I have one of my 2 AM friends, a guy I've known since kindergarten, flying in next week to stay with me for a week. 

There's no pretense, no secrets to hide, just someone who's been there for you through thick and thin. 

We've ebbed and flowed through our friendship - sometimes talking often and sometimes taking long breaks between calls. 

But we always pick up where we've left off. Always. 

If you don't have a 2 AM friend, start by being your own. 

Talk to yourself as you would to your 2 AM friend. When you're going through a rough patch, take yourself, your 2 AM friend, out and treat them special. 

In order to be a great friend to someone else, I believe you need to be a great friend to yourself. 

As business leaders, we often pour into others and forget to fill our own cup. We fail to forgive ourselves and often talk harshly at even the slightest indiscretion. We would never speak this way to our 2 AM friend, so stop talking to yourself like this. 

When my 2 AM friend gets here, we won't have any set plans, yet I know we'll have fun. I know it to my core. But do I do the same with myself when he's not here? Would he be coming if I talked to him the way I talk to myself when I'm frustrated with something I've done... or not done? 

We all need 2 AM friends, and there's no need to beat yourself up if you don't have one... or even if you don't have any friends. The key here is to be your own 2 AM friend first because you are the friend to yourself that's never going anywhere. 

Tag your 2 AM friend in this post and share it - chances are you'll make someone's week. That's just what 2 AM friends do.