Your 101 Guide to Professional Jealousy: The Good, The Ugly and everything in between

You’ve been here before. Going down another LinkedIn spiral. Looking at what your classmates are up to now. How does she have so many clients already? How did he get hired at that company? Is their private practice thriving already? It feels like EVERYONE is doing better than you on LinkedIn.?

It gets a little more complicated when it comes to the therapy space where there are no traditional job title hierarchies like CEO, Vice President or Director. There’s no objective way of comparing ourselves with each other and figuring out who is a “better” therapist. So how do we see ourselves in comparison to our peers? Where do we stand??

We know by now that social media is a photoshopped, glossed, and filtered version of people’s real lives. But something about LinkedIn feels different. It seems factual, almost like a resume filled with people's educational achievements, career progressions and achievement trophies. And in this comparison, it feels like we’re falling short.

So how do we avoid the trappings of LinkedIn Career Envy?

Remember that LinkedIn is ultimately a highlight reel of people’s best moments! You can't see their past job losses, rejections, or the nepotism that got them hired. Their journey is their own and so is yours. It’s impossible to equate two people’s unique backgrounds, skills and individual journeys.

Envy in the broadest sense is wanting something you don't have that someone else does. It creates a dynamic of have and have not, more and less, superior and inferior. It innately makes us feel small. So it's important to take a step back and check in on what this envy is bringing up for you. Is it making you feel worse about yourself? Bringing up your insecurities? Does it feel overwhelming to look at other people's progress?

If your answer to any of these was yes, you’re likely experiencing a more distressing and possibly destructive form of envy. It’s important to respect these feelings and take some time away from the LinkedIn doom scroll. Start limiting your access, spend less time scrolling, try filtering content or just turn it off for a few days. If you’re still finding it hard to navigate these feelings, talking through this in therapy can always help (*wink nudge*)

We don't like to feel envious and much less to sit with and dwell on these feelings. But your envy, just like any other emotion, could be trying to tell you something. Get curious about it. Envy often doesn’t occur in a vacuum. What other feelings accompany my envy??

Embarrassment? I’m so much older than them, I should be at a higher position.

Frustration? My pay is so unfair.?

Fear? People in my industry have been upskilling, I’m falling behind.?

Figuring this out can help you understand what lies at the heart of your envy. It answers the question why am I envious of this person? What do they have that I want? Is it their status? The kind of space they work in? Peer therapy spaces??

One possibility is that your values, needs and desires are not met by your work. This can be a career-altering thought, so take your time to reflect and consider whether this is really the case. It might be time to consider new opportunities or to talk to your manager about your new goals and needs. They may be able to provide guidance or offer suggestions to address the gaps you’re experiencing.?

Another possibility is a grass-is-greener mentality. It’s a very natural human tendency to wonder what life might be like for someone else. They seem richer, happier, prettier or smarter. If we were in their shoes maybe things would be different, possibly better. When we don’t have the full picture of their experiences and reality, it’s easy to fill in the blanks ourselves, creating an idealistic happy bubble. This might just be a case of wistful what-if thinking, and it's natural to daydream about the could-haves, should-haves and would-haves. But what works for someone else might not be the right fit for you, so take some time to figure out if it really aligns with your deeper needs and wants.

Other people’s journeys can be a reference point to figure out what you want or a tool to criticize yourself. Your career is essentially a choose-your-own-adventure with no right or wrong answers. Here’s to trailblazing your own unique journey. Bon Voyage!?