Is the younger generation feeling psychologically safe in their homes and their colleges?
Kalpana Rajagopalan
Educator and Behavioral Trainer - Assistant Professor with Manipal Academy of Higher Education - T.A.PAI Institute of Management
?As I write this the board exam results are coming out, and exams in many professional colleges are going on. We must be conscious of the fact that some young boy or girl is planning to end his or her life, planning to run away from home, or planning to do drugs. Today, on the front page of the Times of India, I read that a student from one of the colleges in Bangalore committed suicide, jumping from his college building because he was pulled up for coming late for the semester exams and was also informed that he would not be eligible for placement.
As an educator and a counselor for young students, I was aghast at the action of this student on one level and, at the same time, as a student of this generation, I was wondering what kind of authoritarian, regimental rules exist in higher education universities in our country. Everything is treated like the most abominable and criminal act, and the youth are subjected to tremendous pressure. I am unable to respond to the predicaments of the students or how do we understand the dilemma that the management of higher education institutes are facing today as they think a thousand times before implementing any rule for establishing discipline in their colleges. ?This is causing a huge concern and we cannot escape this scenario.
It has become invariably very tough for college authorities to strictly implement any kind of disciplinarian measure as the emotional capabilities, mental strength and resilience of this current generation are relatively less, less powerful, and fragile. We are developing students who are full of fear and are not able to accept any kind of letdown or failure. As an institution, we must follow examination policies to be fair and equal to all students who appear for the exams. We have allotted time when the exam will start and when it must end. All students follow this, and in case it is not followed, we have policies related to the consequences of violating the policy during examinations.
Today, I am writing this not only from the point of view of this incident but also because it shakes me up as an educator, parent, and counselor. What are we nurturing in the children? Why are students not able to stand up and accept things if they are pushed out of their comfort zones? Where do things go wrong? At home, at the school, at the college, or is it at the social level? We are unable to pinpoint a particular reason for this inability to sustain and continue despite adversities.
?I have the experience of working in close quarters with students at the undergraduate level. They are a generation whose expectations from society are insanely high. It comes with an entitlement attitude; they believe that they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. They believe that they already know more than their parents and their teachers and that they need not be disciplined as it is restrictive and curbs their freedom. This could be one way of empathizing with them. Another way is that when the student is reprimanded in college, the shame and guilt he or she has to face at home and with friends can be terrifying, and they buckle under that consequential trauma, leading to behaviors that can be hurtful to their parents and themselves.
Where are we failing in our approach? As parents, are we pressurizing them to meet academic standards? Are we always in a threatening mode that they fear facing society when they fail?
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Both as educators and as parents, we need to draw a fine line and balance our efforts to provide a safe environment for the children at home and at the institutions. When we inform them about rules, we need to explain and make them understand how these rules are implemented, for what purpose these rules exist, and what purpose they serve for an organized way of conducting large-scale operations. ?The student today is entitled to know the logic behind this and the consequences of facing unorganized systems when there are large numbers to handle need to be explained. What needs to be told is, of course, important, but I feel how this is communicated to the students when they join and how it is reinforced is crucial. When we communicate, we must ensure that all students feel safe despite the rules and that they don’t have to take flight or fight mode. There can always be a middle way, and things can be negotiated.
The dangerous virus that is spreading like a pandemic is the fear virus. What is the vaccination we need to discover in reducing the fear and letting students be accepted as a dynamic force with their energies driving change and growth? We need to rationalize our policies with the younger generation. Maybe they have better and more creative inputs and insights that will help us meander through all the challenges of imposing policies and procedures concerning exams, timings, and attendance. Strong support systems like mentoring, buddy programs, counseling, and mental well-being activities must become mandatory in educational institutions where students know whom to approach when they are punished for some wrong actions, or how to resolve issues with their faculty or management. They must know that these rules are not something etched in stone, and there can be ways in which students can engage with the administration with the support of their parents to find the best possible solution available and feasible. They need to know that they don’t have to resort to anything that will hurt their family and themselves.
As parents, my inference is that our role is even more critical because the child comes back home with the stress of having been bullied by peers, stress from adapting to a new college environment, new subjects, new modes of learning, and many other issues. They are overwhelmed with the changes and confused; they need support, kindness, and loads of compassion and empathy. Instead of questioning them and probing about why they have failed, why they can’t cope, why they are not scoring high, or comparing them with others, parents today need to do a lot of listening. They need to invest time and make children feel psychologically safe in their homes. Children face fear from both directions: fear from parents, fear in colleges, and sometimes fear from seniors and peer groups. They do not know whom to turn to. Some children have more gumption and resilience to bounce back, while others do not and hurt themselves. As parents, we cannot escape this responsibility. We cannot play the blame game and say the institution has harassed our ward. All institutions have mandatory regulations and protocols as part of the system. Parents trying to play the role of watchdogs and strict dictators are not working out today. As parents, we have to adapt and be flexible to the changing mindsets of the future generation.
Creating and nurturing fear in young minds will lead us to a dysfunctional and mentally disturbed younger population. We need to do a lot of introspection and learn better practices of education, pedagogy, discipline management, and continuous love as an educator and a parent.
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Revolutionizing Management Education @ TAPMI
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