Young adults are not ok

Young Adults are doing worse than teenagers.

In this article we face the difficult truth that young adults are not ok, and they need help, before attempting to offer some actionable insights to try and form a small component of the solution, to such a complex and serious problem, aligned to the Edventurous Leadership table of elements.

A recent report was released by the Harvard Graduate School of Education this past week, detailing the drivers of anxiety for young adults ages 18 to 25.

• 34% reported feelings of loneliness.
• 51% said achievement pressure negatively impacted their mental health.
• 58% reported lacking “meaning or purpose” in their lives the previous month.
• 50% reported that their mental health was negatively influenced by “not knowing what to do with my life.”

There has been much examination of the well-being of teens aged 14 to 17, not much has been known about those occupying these critical young adulthood years.

And yet, “young adults report roughly twice the rates of anxiety and depression as teens.”

The young adults are not OK.

Typically on hearing an individual or group of individuals’ are struggling, the natural first questions are;

• What are the causes? &
• What can we do to help them?

Given the pervasive nature of these statistics but also wider challenges around loneliness, mental health and purpose for all age groups and demographics, we have considered what this means for the individual. What does it mean for their relationships with themselves? This encouraged us to look internally first, by exploring;

• ?What kind of structure do we have in our lives?
• How well do we control our thoughts, and comparison to others?
• What value do we assign to the view of others?
• Do we treat ourselves with kindness and respect?

Exploring these respective questions will leave clues for both the individual and those around them on what can be done to work against some of the alarming statistics noted.

What kind of structure do we have in our lives?

Between the ages of 18 to 21 are when most individuals leave formal education, and for the first time in their lives, there is no framework and no one instructing them on what to do. They are completely self-guided. While this might be liberating in some respects, the institutional support networks available, particularly at school, are underappreciated until they gone. Even your peer network – your friends whom you have seen every day for years, overnight are effectively gone, or at least requires significant effort to maintain to even a much reduced level.

Learning and education give us a clear ‘purpose’. Once that is done, (formally that is, we should never stop learning!), we must wrestle with what to do with our lives, and what gives us our raison d’etre. That is a question that most people will probably never fully satisfy, but at 18-21, at the start of your career and in most cases, not yet married and without children, (which bring a very different kind of purpose!), it is very likely we won’t be very sophisticated in articulating what this might be. And its important to acknowledge that... that’s okay! ?It is also okay to admit that this can be quite a scary place to be.

What can we do in the interim to bridge the gap? Can we build a self-imposed structure, to our days, weeks – life, and a framework for ourselves? What would that look like, and how do we be disciplined enough to maintain it? Edventurous Leadership attempt to respond to these questions with elements of excellent leadership captured below, and a few helpful tips connected to each:

How well do we control our thoughts, and comparison to others?

When comparing to others, do we cherry pick things we like? I wish I was as tall, athletic, articulate, smart as that person, had their partner, their car etc. Its important to remember that whenever you compare yourself to another person, envying what they have, wishing you would be able to swap your life with theirs, what you really do is compare yourself to the fantasy of how you think it would be to walk in this person’s shoes. This is a meaningless comparison – and we should only engage with it if we are willing to do a 100% swap with their life. To swap with an individual for their height for example – you must also be willing to swap your family for theirs, your partner or spouse, friends, house.. debt! Any other comparison is futile. This is a swap none of us would meaningfully engage in. ?

One thing we can do to reduce the comparison loop is to be cognisant about what we feed our mind – limiting the exposure to the drivers of this loop. Ask yourself - is what I am exposing my mind to helping me feel good about myself, to feel content and positive about my life? You have likely heard the expression ‘you are what you eat’ and this is even more so true for ‘you are what you think’. The obvious example is social media, something we could all do with less of, but there are very tangible examples in our day to day lives as well, and it could be that certain people bring out this behaviour in us – and we should ask ourselves why. Is it a behaviour they are exhibiting, or how we feel about them? If it’s the former, can we encourage them to change it, or if not, consider seeing less of them? If it’s the latter – what can we control of our behaviour to reduce these feelings?

Additionally, we should consider comparing both ways. Notice how you have more fortunate circumstances than so many others, and try to remind yourself regularly of all the good things in your life. By flicking this gratitude switch, and increasing our awareness of what is going well in our lives, it would reduce our attention or concern with the neighbours car or their greener lawn.

What value do we assign to the view of others?

Caring about what people think is natural, but we should not treat all people’s opinions as equal. A family member or a boss expressing concern can be helpful in the right circumstances, whereas an acquaintance or stranger being critical is not.

We often believe people judge us much more harshly than they actually are. We are our own worst critics – by far. Only ~2000 years ago, Persian emperors ruled the known world. Can you name any of them? If we don’t know much about them, then its likely we are putting too much emphasis on our own achievements and peoples interpretation of them. Don’t get us wrong – they are important, and how you and your inner circle feel about them are important, but when it comes to a wider circle, or ‘society’ – do not place your emphasis here.

There is a quote, “Never take criticism from someone you wouldn't ask for advice”, which reinforces that its important where we place importance.

Do we treat ourselves with kindness and respect?

Have you critically listened to your ‘inner voice’ over the course of a day? What does it say when you make a perceived mistake? It is likely something unpleasant, ‘That was so stupid’, ‘I messed this up’ etc. Would you talk this way to a friend? To be human is to fail. Knowing this should provide greater perspective on our personal shortcomings and difficulties, but we hold ourselves to such a high standard. We need to be better at being compassionate with ourselves.

We should try to reframe our inner voice, to play the role of a supportive friend. When we notice a failure, we should feel safe and accepted enough to acknowledge it and make any changes required, without being critical or negative. Fortunately, most of us are already skilled at being kind, and compassionate to those we care about – so all we need to do is to turn around and apply those same skills toward yourself.

Conclusion

The highlighted problem is significant and complex. Human beings expectations and perceived results can come down to such small margins. Our hope is that in reading this you can find even just one actionable insight for yourself or somebody you care about – to help to take care of yourself and others and move in the right direction – however gradually that might be, in a sustainable way. What are you going to do differently today?

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