You'll Only Have Three Friends

I sat outside the airport gasping for air, with heaps of tears dribbling down my face. I had fallen out with my friend. The truth was we had partied too much, we had taken every form of transport known to mankind in several days to reach our ultimate destination, New Orleans. Then we had drank and danced and stayed up light over and over again and eventually one thing led to another and here I was, sitting outside New Orleans airport, tired, broken and miserable.

?My boyfriend at the time was just mad at me. Mad, that instead of purchasing the last ticket back to Chicago, I had had a panic attack and I needed support and understanding. Instead, I had been served a walloping for my inability to resolve my issues with my friend or purchase the last remaining ticket and now I was stuck. My credit card maxed out, no cash left in my wallet, basically nothing in my name and I was on the mercy of my boyfriend at the time to get me home.

?I felt angry and betrayed. For the same time, I had been explaining our ridiculous falling out to my boyfriend he had been texting and supporting my friend and not me. Even though this was two years ago, I still feel resentment just writing about it. It was probably around that time; I began thinking this may not be the man I want to marry. This man may not be who I thought he was at all.

?I was sitting on a bench, crying, coughing, blowing my nose and the pattern just repeating itself. Gasping for air, floods of tears drenching my shirt. I leaned over placing my face into the palms of my hands, “What have I done so wrong? How did we end up here?” I think I left Oshkosh on this girl’s trip because I needed to get away. I had begun to feel trapped and suffocated at the thought of moving my life there. The pressure to not be me, and to change who I was had slowly been crippling my soul.

?I had kept telling myself I?could do it. I could be the woman he wanted. Cut down my fanciness, be more casual, change who I was but everyone else was right, I couldn’t. Neither was it fair to ask me to do so. So instead of staying in Oshkosh, instead of celebrating our one-year anniversary together, I chose to go on a trip I couldn’t afford. A trip that ended up in an argument, of which the outcome, much to my dismay, had been that my boyfriend wasn’t there for me nor on my side one bit.

Then an older man walked up to me. I was startled because I was embarrassed at my appearance. He came and sat next to me, and asked, “Are you okay?” I decided to be honest, “Well you know what, not really. No, I am probably not okay at all.” In between gasping for air and those pathetic little, hiccups that come after crying too much, I told him my story. I told him how I had been left alone in the hotel room and told to get back to Chicago on my own. He politely listened and then said something I haven’t forgotten to this day.

?“I will tell you what I told my daughter. At the end of your life, you will only have three friends,” he said. “Only three?” I whimpered. “Yes, only three. But you will have many people come and go from your life, and who knows what their purpose is but they will come and go for many years, through the many stages of your life and at the very end, you’ll only be left with three. So, whatever your friends’ purpose was in your life, it sounds like its over now. So, don’t be sad, just be grateful for whatever time she served in your life.” And then, he patted me on the back and went on his way.

?But I felt a sudden calmness. Because what he said actually made sense. I used to think there was something wrong with me with the number of friends who came and went. I’ve seen some people hold on to childhood friends and they’re super close. I always wished I had that but for whatever reason, I didn’t. So, it’s a sweet thought to think sometimes people come in your life for a reason and once their reason is done and through, they depart, be it on good or poor terms.

And so, it is, the older I get, the more people seem to fade away from my life. I have cried, I have felt deep sadness at their decision to no longer maintain a friendship with me but I soothe myself with the thought, that whatever is meant to stay, will stay, whatever is meant to go, will go and just be grateful for the times those friendships got you through.?

?When you hit your thirties, you just don’t have the energy to hold grudges anymore, it takes too much time and effort. So instead, I concentrate on my work, I keep those man’s words close to my heart and when somebody sees the effort to hang out with me, I remain grateful and always thank them for making the time.

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