You are WORTHLESS!

The post October 7th world has had a profound effect on how I have come to interpret and discuss in my lectures the concept of mental toughness (MT). At first I was heavily influenced by the dominating 4 C's model, but after discovering that it has been mostly studied only in the context of sports and amongst individual over achievers, I found myself asking "well what about the rest of us?"

I mean, don't we all need MT?

This brought upon a major turning point in how I teach and discuss this crucial attribute. Now I discuss it in terms of three key elements:

1. Know what values drive you at all times.
2. Accepting that there will be endless struggles on the path to your goal.
3. Having the self-confidence that you can successfully cope with each of these struggles.

Each has its own multi-verse of theories and applications, however the one that usually generates the least amount of questioning is the third one, as it appears so obvious. At least until a few weeks ago...

A student of mine approached me asking an intersting question, "how do you attain the right level of self-confidence without becoming arrogant?"

As usual, I knew my answer would upset him... "Unlike what probably floods your positive psychology pumped social media channels, I start each day by looking in the mirror and saying 'You are worthless!'"

He was dumbfounded as if the entire enculturation he had experienced growing up had it's foundations aggressively rocked. "What do you mean?!" He replied in a disagreeing bewilderment. "Self-confidence is about reminding yourself that you can, and you will be successful. It's having those unshakeable mantras that you repeatedly tell yourself before starting your day. I couldn't disagree with you more Doron!" (Usually when people disagree with me this is the begining of a meaningful conversation).

I stoicly responded, "You can go down that avenue, but that road will most likely lead you to one of three options: (i) diassapointment because you did not meet your declarations, (ii) deplete your humility, but most importantly (iii) kill your curiousity. That curiosity is what is protecting your humility." He still remained puzzled by my philosophical fencing.

Let me put it for you differently. "What if you woke up every morning looked in the mirror and said 'I'm worthless?'" I asked him.

"You'd feel like a self-degrading piece of s#it who hopelessly lays in bed all day." He chuckled.

"I guess that is one potential avenue... OR," I stopped holding my breath for a dramatic pause, "... you can see how hungry you are to prove your worth. To go and grow. To prove firstly to yourself that you are worthy. To ultimately bring yourself to the end of each day back to that same mirror. Stand yourself before your reflection from point blank, and then ask aloud,

'Am I more now than I was this morning?'

Now if the answer is NO - then you get back on the field and sweat until it's YES.

But if the answer is YES - then you can congratulate yourself as you have earned the legitmacy to feel like a King and enjoy a royal night of sleep."

He still wasn't convinced that this approach protects one's humility, so I laid the final complementing element in a Salt-Bae-esque fashion. "Humility comes in to play when you wake up again the next morning, back at zero and start over."

One of Nike's most famous marketting campaigns was in 1977 when they took out a full page add in the Wall Street Journal, it was titled, "There is no finish line." These words ring true in respect to true self-confidence as we should reignite this process everyday until our demise. We will remain hungry while protecting our curiousity thereby delicately balancing between self-confidence and humility.

But as I told my student in the end, whatever you decide to do "the choice is yorus..."