Are you a Worried Warrior?

Do you ever struggle with a low sense of self-worth or imposter syndrome?

This may happen even when you’re achieving your goals or being celebrated and supported by people in your life.

When someone compliments you or something great happens, you feel good about yourself. But this feeling doesn’t seem to last.

In many cases, a low sense of self-worth is associated with an anxious attachment style.?

These worried warriors tend to give others’ opinions more weight than their own in forming their self-concept, which drives them to constantly seek others’ approval and rely heavily on others’ opinions so they can feel good about themselves.?But without constant, repeated reinforcement, they start to lose their belief in themselves.

Worried Warriors’ tend to emphasize others’ thoughts, feelings, and behaviors over their own. This leads them to subconsciously (or consciously) form the idea that they are not as worthy as others—of love, attention, achievement. They work so hard and so constantly to chase validation from others and put a premium on others’ opinions, values, and experiences, so it must be that they are not as important as others.??

In the process of trying to please others and meet their needs—often at the expense of their own—they become more self-critical and don’t treat themselves with the same love and compassion that they afford to others in their lives.?Your brain starts to internalize this idea - “I’m not as worthy as others” - and the belief that you are not worthwhile solidifies and drives your behaviors.

The Antidote to “I’m Not As Worthy As Others”

No matter what the roots of your low self-worth, the great news is that by engaging in the following exercise you can strengthen your self-concept and increase your resilience.?

By creating a positive emotional bond with yourself and with your inner child, you can foster a secure, nurturing, and responsive attachment style that can promote well-being, improve goal attainment, and support healing connections with others.

This simple visualization exercise will give you an opportunity to connect with your younger self.

1. Get comfortable and close your eyes.
2. Take a few deep breaths, focusing your attention on your breath as you breathe in and out. ?
3. Turn your attention to your thoughts. Don’t actively push away any thoughts, judge them, or analyze them. Simply observe the thoughts floating around and let them be.
4. Imagine yourself as a child. Try to recall a time when your inner child first encountered the idea that you were not as worthy as others. When was the first time you felt that your needs and wants were not important? Did a parent ignore you when you were in distress? When was the first time you thought you needed to take care of someone else’s needs or feelings so they wouldn’t leave you by yourself? Did you feel you had to not ‘rock the boat’ in your family so you wouldn’t upset your parents?
5. Bring the image of your child self to a sharp focus by visualizing all the details of how you looked and acted as a child. Where were you? What did your hair look like? What were you wearing? How tall were you? What was your favorite toy? The more details you can give to the vision of your child self, the better.
6. Now, imagine your adult self entering the room with your child self. Visualize your adult self taking your child self by the hand and reassuring them that they are loved, they are enough, and you will be there for them no matter what. Remind your child self that things will change and will not always be so difficult. Tell them that although your parents were imperfect, made mistakes, and were not always available, that it was not your fault. Ask your inner child what they need most from you and listen to what they say to you.
7. Listen carefully to your inner child’s needs and let them know how you might help them get what they want. Reassure them that they don’t always need to turn to other people to meet their needs because your adult self will always be there for them.
8. Express gratitude to your inner child for doing their best to cope with difficult situations when they were younger. Let them know they can call on you whenever they need you.
9. Lastly, offer your inner child a hug. If it feels right, tell your inner child how much you love them. ?
10. Then, wave goodbye and let them know you are looking forward to visiting with them again very soon.

After completing this exercise, spend a few minutes journaling about how you felt during the exercise and how you feel immediately after. Write down any thoughts that come to you and reflect on what you think about the experience of your adult self providing your child self with a secure base and a way to meet their needs.

Here’s to your worthiness,

Dr. Judy

P. S. I hope you found this helpful. If you did, please forward it along to a friend you think would benefit from this.

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About me:

Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage.?An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.

Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.