Are You Willing to Be Open Minded?

If you regularly read along to this newsletter (either here on LinkedIn or via email), you know I tend to recount?stories?about?my kids from time to time.

Bear with me, I have another one...

A while ago I was having an interesting discussion with my oldest son (who is now a senior in college) about how he was going about juggling his priorities.

He shared that he was getting "super stressed" out because he "had a lot going on" and was really anxious that it wasn't "giving me enough free time to take selfies so I can increase my followers." Or something like that....

"You don't understand the pressure, Dad."

By the way, this is the kid whose superpower has always been that he is capable of turning into a complete a**hole when he gets stressed out.

For example, when he was about four years old and was told he couldn't go into his favorite toy store for the umpteenth time, this son decided to kick off his shoes, throw them into the street and loudly declare:

"I want to go back to Jesus Christ!"

I'm sorry, but how do you not stand there and laugh your a$$ off at the absurdity of that?

I know, I know, you are probably thinking I should have had some empathy and recognized that what he really wanted to say was "you don't understand the pressure, Dad.....but Jesus Christ probably does."

Anyway....now, over 15 years later, remembering the vision of that shoeless little boy, arms stretched to the heavens, crying out for his Matchbox Car Messiah, I kept repeating to myself "Don't laugh...You can do better."

As tried to calm him, I found myself falling into the trap I always seem to fall into: I tried to fix the situation by offering potential solutions to his quandary.

And with each suggestion, the?bullsh!t?and a^^holery increased. He was not listening to anything I was saying and was convinced I did not know how he felt.

That is when I paused and calmly asked:

"Are you willing to be?open minded?"

Whether it is in sales, working with or managing others or dealing with a stressed out young adult (or perhaps all of the above), this basic question can be a simple yet effective way to try to break through an impasse.

First, note it is a question and not a suggestion. It stops the pattern of dissent and creates a break in the volleying of potential solutions and subsequent rejections. It effectively hits the reset button on the conversation.

Also, it is non-confrontational. By asking the question you are not saying the other person is wrong in their approach -- it can be validating while also offering another potential option without forcing it upon them.

It does create a "choose your own adventure" moment for the person who is asked the question however.

Interestingly, this can sometimes cause the other person?to try to continue the debate?-- ignoring the question altogether and rehashing past options put on the table, reiterating why they won't work.

"Are you willing to be open minded?"

So now they have to choose -- "yes" or "no." If they answer "no" to the question (or refuse to answer), the discussion is effectively over. Someone who indicates they are unwilling to be open minded is committed to their position. They cannot be sold nor accept reasonable alternatives no matter how well they are presented. Game over.

But if they say "yes," they are indicating that they choosing to explore and consider other options that they may yet not see nor understand. Now the conversation can continue in a new, constructive direction.

People having a willingness to be open minded is the only way for things to progress. It is critical in any situation where you are seeking?alignment. Most importantly, being willing to be open minded is an invaluable problem solving skill.

I am pleased to report that my son didn't throw his shoes in the street this time. After a bit of thrashing he ultimately indicated that in fact he was willing to be open minded. And the conversation continued in a positive direction.

Whatever we discussed must have helped, because the anxiety he was experiencing soon lifted, we talked about some strategies he could use to better manage his time, and the selfies quickly returned to his various social media feeds. I honestly don't get it...

But I guess I am willing to be open minded.

XOXO

Dave

This was adopted from the February 13, 2021 intro to my weekly "Friends of Dave" newsletter, which is accompanied by interesting links I curate each week. If you would like to see past full issues, please click here (note: NOW ON?Substack)>>>?https://friendsofdave.substack.com/