You Were Expecting Middle Aged Man?

It's Friday, it 10:30. Time for Wayne's World.

After the guitar intro and an extreme closeup?

Wayne: We are back after a brief sellout! With me as always is Garth.

Garth: Party on, Wayne.

W: Party on, Garth. The No Longer Virtual Conference is open for next March. When Catholics and Jews come together?

G: And a strategically placed Lutheran.

W: Right. Magic happens when people leave their computers and meet face to face. This year's conference is in Park City, Utah.

G: Park City? I think I'm gonna hurl!

W: Take your Ritalin. I know you had a bad experience in Salt Lake City. This will be better. Sarah decided to have her conference here.

G: It's a summit!

W: It's a conference!

G: It's a summit!

W: It's a conference!

G: It's a floor wax!

W: It's a dessert topping!

W and G: It can be both. And- Scene!

W: To give a sample of the monumental babes you can meet we have three who attended every conference. Please give a warm welcome to Amy Blaschka, Heather Younger and Melissa Hughes!

(the guests come down the stairs to the standard guitar intro)

W: Wow, you are amazing. No wonder people connect beyond the keyboard.

Amy: Thanks, I guess. Sarah Elkins could not join us.

G: And she was just my height.

W: Having the four of you here would have been a veritable Mount Rushmore of babes. Maybe you should have a conference in South Dakota.

G: Any excuse to get Matthew Chicoine to join the festivities.

W: He shoots, he scores! So Amy, you are a ghost writer. What it is like to write in someone else's voice?

A: Something tells me you have some idea of what that is like. I spend time with a client and learn to write in their style.

W: Excellent! Heather, your book The Art of Caring Leadership is available. What makes one a caring leader?

Heather: Listening to others, taking them seriously, creating a safe space for new ideas. I don't know why everyone isn't more caring.

G: My boss sucks.

H: Why do you say that, Garth?

G: Hiding behind teamwork he expects me to do everything while he takes all the credit for my hard work.

H: That's not good. Maybe I should give him a copy of my book?

W: Reading is fundamental. Melissa- what can you tell me about the brain. Do men have one thing on their minds like Freud said? SCHWING!

M: Women like that, too, and you should be a more caring lover. It creates oxytocin and seratonin which makes the body feel better. Are you in a relationship?

W: Baking powder? Exsqueeze me? Are you asking me out?

M: No, silly. The better you are at communicating in a relationship the stronger the bond and the better you will feel.

G: I think I need a relationship. So who else is going to the conference, summit or whatever? Can we call it The No Longer Virtual Guardians?

A: That is better rebranding than The No Longer Virtual Football Team.

W: Although there will be an appearance by the guy who made like Aaron Rodgers.

H: Leadership is a little like being a quarterback.

W: Wouldn't know what that is. Growing up in Aurora I was a Bears fan.

M: Don't worry about that. Tom Dietzler won't hold it against you. The Bucks will be defending NBA champions at the conference and my partner in crime Kimberly Davis might cross the border to join us.

W: Tom and Kimberly at the same conference? Shyeah, right.

G: Everyone knows one makes it and the other cannot. Maybe they will look into each others eyes next March.

W: Yeah. And monkeys might fly out of my butt. That's all the time we have for this week. Next March 3 and 4 you can meet professional babes.

G: And Joe Kwon.

W: Yeah, he's cool. I'll play us out. Wayne's World! Wayne's World! Doesn't resonate the same in a non verbal format. That's why we have to meet in person. Excellent.