If You Want Radical Happiness Start With This Ancient Lesson
We forget what happiness feels like
Happiness is this fleeting promise, so vague in its own definition. Call it joy, contentment, or satisfaction if you like those words better. Happiness describes a state of being, and it is not something that comes without work. The same is true for the state of unhappiness. It takes work to be displeased.
Dissatisfaction can overwhelm us. It festers and makes life dull and depressing. You might be so encumbered by the gravity of dissatisfaction that you no longer recognize where depression ends and “normal” begins. Don’t worry. I have a cool surprise for you that will boost you right into the brighter side of the equation.
What if you were given a map with directions that led straight to the best days of your life? Nice!
What if the journey toward that elusive “happy place” is a long and winding road filled with obstacles and disillusion? Yep. That is reality. However, I have some great news. There is a time-tested shortcut to the good life. This fast path to joy works for everyone who tries it so far. I hope it also works for you.
Let go of grudges
Sounds simple but it can be a challenge to forgive old hangups. We are trained from birth to do the opposite (despite being told to say sorry when we made mistakes as children).
The virtue of forgiveness likely got overpowered by the constant onslaught of gossip and things that left us empty and unfulfilled. We quickly closed up our forgiving hearts and instead crossed our arms and learned to navigate using complaints instead of good thoughts.
It is hard to convey the relief and the uplift that comes flooding in when you practice letting go of grudges. Here is?exactly?how to put this into immediate practice in your life
First, identify a source of discomfort
Think of a person who hurt you recently. Someone who betrayed you, or never came through with promises made. Don’t dwell on it though. Just acknowledge who it is in your mind.
Don’t get stuck rehashing the past in this phase. When you focus for too long on the villains in your life you are at risk of becoming overwhelmed by negative perspective. Negative thinking is contagious and spreads like an illness. When you linger for too long in anger or sadness it shines an unintended spotlight on the wrong part of this whole equation.
Ready, set, let go!
Now that you have a person in mind, without thinking too much?just forgive them. Right now.?You don’t need to announce it you just need to intentionally let go of the fight. Yes, right this moment. Forgive it right now. No matter how terrible the issue or offense. Let it go and experience the immediate antidote for mental poison.
But, Why?
In extreme situations, you might be asking:
Because you deserve to be happy, that is why.
You know that molten anger and rage that churns inside you when you get cheated in some way? The urge to punch a wall is natural when you see a guy playing slot machines instead of paying you the fifty bucks he owes you. Even so, that rage is making you experience that same negative occurrence over and over again. For nothing.
It isn’t the money that enrages you.
It isn’t even the person that makes you mad.
The cause of that anger, sadness, hatred, confusion, and fear is?your own commitment to the grudge you are holding.?That's right, you are holding it like a baby. Feeding it and helping it grow too!
It’s the commitment to that grudge that makes it stay in your heart like it owns the place. A grudge like this thrives in your mind, in your voice, and in your eyes, as you look at others. It isn’t fair that you were the one affected and still it is you who suffers every time you linger in those feelings. Think about what grudges are doing?for you, and compare the benefits with the costs.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes
The burden is not yours to carry alone. So stop doing it.
Close your eyes and say goodbye to the anger you have aimed at your ex.
Close the door on jealousy.
Turn and walk away from a nagging associate that rolls her eyes each time you speak.
If you make the choice to abandon the rage and sadness as many times as you can from now on, you will be uplifted, I promise.
This doesn’t mean you should accept bullying or any abuse for that matter. It means that you cannot control the people around you or their choices.
Great news! At least you?can?do something about?your?choices. Your perspective is yours to manipulate and reshape. You can influence yourself readily, and immediately. If you’re holding on to anger because of an injustice you are basically turning the karma from it on yourself. Instead, please, let it go.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi
Grudges come up daily. Let them go daily. No matter what. This is for your own good.
Choose to remove the weight of all those whose trespass against you. If you want justice start by taking back that power they have over you with the rage in your heart. Change it now.
“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love,” Martin Luther King Jr. wrote in?A Gift of Love.
Think of it this way
If someone stole 5 bucks from you and spent it at lunch, it makes you mad. Of course. Then the next day when you see the same person it makes you mad again and they are stealing from another purse. Letting go of your personal commitment to hate that guy will do two powerful things. It will relieve you from the toxic burden of rage and it will clear the energy for justice should that be the goal.
So I am not telling you to let people just take from you without recourse. By letting go of the grudge from a personal injustice you are taking back control of your thoughts. Do you want the person who made you mad to steer the wheel in your mind? Heck no! So take the wheel back.
Are you mad at your family again after a big fight? Do something unexpected and say “Okay, I quit. You win, I am sorry.” Say it because nobody will see it coming. Say it even if you know you are right. Watch how your lifelong family members shock you in return by letting it go just as you did. Witness the surprise in their reaction as they see you easing the tension. Even if people don’t respond to your forgiveness the way you hope, guess what? The burden is no longer yours to hold. Congratulations.
The part I almost didn’t tell you about
The final benefit that I personally experience in my daily life as a result of my “no grudges” approach comes with vivid imagery that is very useful to me in the process. It is too good not to tell you about it. But it might sound a little quirky and eccentric for some tastes.
Anyway, my mental picture really helps me follow my own advice here so, maybe the visual can also help you to implement these techniques in your world.
Here is what I do now:
When someone violates me in some way, I used to feel it in my stomach like the person had punched the air out of me. It actually hurt. But now as soon as I recognize the venomous emotions starting to mess with my mind I forgive the people involved, and I forgive the negative energy for its existence too. And then I dismiss the negativity. I actually talk down to it in an almost condescending tone.
The act of dismissal is a rude way to convey rank, usually. But dismissing a feeling is quite the lovely buzz and great for your soul.
I swear to you it almost feels like the grudges are pouting little monsters in some unseen dimension. I can sense them sizzle and mutter as they dissolve and leave.
Isn’t that so much cooler than spreading it around for everyone else to feel? I think so.
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My original post was published to my Medium account in Illumination today. The free link to it is below. Thank you Dr. Mehmet Yildiz for that great outlet. Also love you over at Medium and here on LinkedIn . There are days when I think you all have saved my life. Cheers. #thankful for the #lifelessons found recently.