If You Want to Influence Me, Speak to My Values, Not Yours

I work with leaders all the time who become frustrated that their attempts to motivate, inspire, or inform people seem to fall on deaf ears.?

There are many reasons this can happen—poor or unclear communication on the part of the leader, a culture of indifference in the organization, etc. But even when the communication is clear and the audience is willing, a disconnection can still occur.

One of the main causes of this disconnection is that the leader is not taking into account the three instinctual biases—Preserving, Navigating, and Transmitting—and understanding that they shape people’s values and influence what engages them. If a leader is unaware of their instinctual bias and that those around them may be operating with a different bias, they miss an opportunity to create deep rapport and alignment.

As a leader, you must always remember that people are motivated to satisfy their values, not yours.

“Values” are simply those things we think are important and upon which we place worth. There are moral and ethical values, of course, but values take many forms, including security, camaraderie, relationships, structure, excitement, identity, etc.

And while every leader I’ve ever worked with intellectually understands the need to speak to the values of the people they are trying to lead, they frequently forget it in practice. They end up trying to motivate others by speaking about what the leader thinks is important rather than what the people they are interacting with place value on, and then they wonder why they are not getting the results they want.

The ability to find out what matters to people and figure out how to speak to them accordingly is a crucial factor in leadership success (and life in general…).

Our instinctual biases are a way the mind non-consciously shapes what matters to us. They are systems of attention and prioritizing aspects of one domain of life over the other two. If you are speaking about things related to my instinctual bias, you are (to me) speaking about things that are important. If not, it will be more difficult to get my attention.

Preservers are instinctually focused on issues related to “nesting and nurturing.” They are safety and security-oriented; are generally risk-avoidant; and tend to seek process, structure, and consistency. They are the “nuts and bolts” people of the organization, ensuring that tasks are executed and resources are not wasted.

Navigators are instinctually focused on issues related to “orienting to the group.” They emphasize interpersonal dynamics and group politics, gathering and exchanging information about people, and highly attuned to hierarchies and group mores. They are constantly evaluating the organization’s social “landscape.” Transmitters are instinctually focused on issues related to “attracting and bonding.” Their attention goes to excitement, opportunity, and possibility. Transmitters often have large ambitions and grand visions, and they are often expressive, charismatic, and charming. They are natural salespeople drawn to “the sizzle” of the business.

In addition to having a bias toward one instinctual domain, we also have a predictable area of indifference—Preservers are generally indifferent to the sizzle of the Transmitting domain; Navigators are generally indifferent to the nuts and bolts of the Preserving domain; Transmitters are generally indifferent to the politics and gossip of the organizational landscape.

What this all means is that we easily fall into the trap of unwittingly focusing on what matters to us when we are trying to influence someone else, rather than what matters to them. Preserving leaders attempt to inspire Navigators by emphasizing efficiency rather than relationships; Navigating leaders try to inspire Transmitters by emphasizing team dynamics rather than opportunity; Transmitting leaders try to inspire Preservers with a vision of a dynamic and changing future rather than how adaptation and change can improve job security. All fall flat.

To be great at leading, influencing, and inspiring people, especially in smaller groups or one-to-one encounters, you have to understand your instinctual bias, the instinctual bias(es) of those you are speaking to, and frame your message in terms of their bias, not yours.

This takes practice. It requires stepping outside of ourselves and preempting our natural tendencies. It can feel artificial and insincere until it really sinks in that all of the domains are important and have some relationship to most objectives in the organization. But failure to do so will make it difficult to inspire people consistently over time.

But remember, if you want to inspire me, talk about what matters to me, not about what matters to you. It’s the best way to get my attention and support.

You can find out more about the three biases in this downloadable article.