“You Want a Divorce—But Are You Really Ready For It?”

It’s common knowledge now that the divorce rate has been—and still— hovers around 50%.   We hear almost daily in the media of celebrity couples splitting, or we hear about the issues that affect the divorce rate such as a cheating spouse, constant arguing, growing apart, and the list goes on and on.

But one thing we don’t hear about is the fact that many people who file for divorce aren’t really ready for the full ramifications of this life-changing decision.  Many people are under duress or simply not thinking clearly when they make this decision.   Others have mulled it over for months and sometimes years, vacillating between wanting and not wanting to split from their spouse. 

As a therapist and divorce coach who specializes in relationship issues, I’ve found that in most cases, either one or both spouses aren’t ready for a divorce.  They haven’t thought the whole process through or saw the end game where their entire lifestyle—including finances, “family traditions” and emotions are severely affected.  

This causes many marriages to end prematurely or the divorce to become contentious and deteriorate into a competition for assets, child custody and finances.  The decision to divorce is one of the most life-changing ones a person will ever make and can affect their life for years or even a lifetime.

Here are 4 things to consider when debating whether to divorce your spouse:

2.  Have you considered the long-term ramifications of a divorce?  Again, this is a life-changing decision that can affect everything from your children and how much you’ll see them, to your finances and your overall sense of self-esteem and well-being. Can you really handle being alone again? 

3. Are you at peace with your decision?  If you’ve made the choice to divorce, can you say you’re comfortable with the decision? Are you feeling conflicted? Feeling conflicted is a normal part of the process and you may inherently know that you’ll feel better once you’re divorced. Other times, this may not be the case. 

4. Are you willing to handle the responsibilities that come from the divorce?  Whether it’s your choice to divorce, your spouse’s—or a mutual decision—you’ll need to work through the emotions that will come with the process. Some of these can include bitterness, helplessness and even revenge.  Can you handle these emotions in a rational way? Are you also willing to take control of your finances in a responsible way? How about parenting?  

One of the services I offer in my practice is discernment counseling.  In this form of therapy I conduct a maximum of five (5) sessions to help couples decide whether to restore their marriage, move toward divorce, or take a time out and decide later.  It’s an invaluable service for people who are “on the fence” or simply don’t know what to do about their marriage.  Contact me at [email protected] or call (310) 614-0323.