Are You Vain for Wanting Plastic Surgery?
The following is adapted from You're Not a Vanity Purchase.
I carve people up for a living. I make scars, but most of them already have scars before they get to me—scars inflicted deep in their psyche by unwanted attention to a physical flaw. Other times it’s because people have stopped paying attention to them altogether.
These people—often women—come to me because they want to look differently, but many of them feel guilt over this. “Is this just vanity?” they ask.
Short answer? No. Wanting to look your best does not make you vain. It makes you human.
In my experience, people want to change physically not because they’re vain, but so they can move on mentally. Plastic surgery allows them to stop obsessing about their physical appearance and focus on what really matters in their lives.
The Guilt and Shame That Comes With Plastic Surgery
One of the main reasons why people struggle with their decision to have cosmetic surgery is guilt or shame. How do I know? Because I am a dual-board-certified facial plastic surgeon who listens to people share their struggles every day.
I earned my undergraduate degree at Columbia University. I graduated from medical school with a distinction in research in neuroscience at Stony Brook University. I completed my Head and Neck Surgery residency training at Yale, followed by specialized fellowship training in Facial Plastic Surgery. I have always had a passion for neuroscience and psychology, and the initial reason I went to medical school was to become a psychiatrist. As a facial plastic surgeon, sometimes my job is just that!
I have been in practice for close to fifteen years listening to patients ask: “Am I crazy, doctor? How can I do this to myself? Am I vain? Why do I care so much?” The underlying theme in all of these questions is guilt, and that guilt is pervasive and insidious. It may be accompanied by a good dose of shame, even from a close friend or family member.
It feels like a catch-22. Either you don’t get plastic surgery and feel miserable about your appearance, or you do get plastic surgery and you feel miserable because of the guilt and shame.
This guilt is unfounded. As I tell my patients, “As long as you’re doing this for you, you’re not vain.”
Plastic Surgery Is About More Than Looking Good
The simple truth is that looking good makes us feel good too. Changing our appearance can transform our entire lives.
One patient told me, “Since I was a little girl, I have been self-conscious of my nose. This caused extreme stress and contributed to low self-esteem. I was made fun of in school; and my grades suffered from lack of concentration. I made poor choices when starting to date, because I looked for acceptance to compensate for the low self-esteem. I had a failed first marriage.”
“How has surgery changed you?” I asked her. “What is your life like now?”
She said:
Surgery has changed my life in such a positive way over the last year. I finally had the confidence to look for another job after twelve years and even accepted an offer. The current job made me a counteroffer to stay with higher pay. I began volunteering at a hospital, visiting the sick. My husband and I remarried in August, which in turn has helped our kids have a stable family. I am able to concentrate on work, family, volunteering, everything!!!
Before the surgery, whether I was driving, giving out communion at church, or holding a training class at work, I was constantly worried about my side view and how everyone saw me. I have now completely cleared my mind of those thoughts. I never worry or think anyone is staring at my nose or how distracting it looks. Those thoughts consumed my life since I was a child, and the freedom and clearer thinking I have now is amazing. It has improved my efficiency at work and increased confidence in my personal life as well.
This is just one patient story about how a physical change can lead to an emotional transformation. I have seen similar transformations play out for countless other patients too.
Look Good, Feel Good
People’s reasons for plastic surgery go way beyond vanity and are much more than “skin deep.” Plastic surgery has the power to transform lives from the outside in.
Why should you feel guilty about something that could make you feel happier and more confident? If someone diets and exercises to achieve a particular body shape, we don’t shame them—we celebrate them! Why should someone changing the shape of their nose or getting a facelift be treated so differently?
Bottom line: it is completely normal to care about the way you look, and you should not have to feel bad about wanting to look good.
For more advice on whether plastic surgery is right for you, you can find You're Not a Vanity Purchase on Amazon.
Dr. James C. Marotta is a dual-board-certified facial plastic surgeon on Long Island, New York, with degrees from some of the world’s finest institutions, including Columbia and Yale Universities. Dr. Marotta is a fellow of the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery (AAFPRS), and since 2013, he has consistently been named the Best Cosmetic Surgeon on Long Island. Dr. Marotta has appeared in a variety of TV and print media, including Harper’s Bazaar, Huffington Post, and Fox 5 NY. While he is deeply dedicated to his work, family remains the center of Dr. Marotta’s life. He enjoys spending time with his wife and two children, traveling, playing sports, and cooking.