You v You for 20 years

I write this at the age of 31

That means if I die in the next 20 years statically I'll have done it myself

Now with modern medicine and life saving treatments it really is you vs you

Out of all self harm deaths in the world men make up 70-80% of the total number

For every death by suicide, there are approximately 20 suicide attempts made.

As someone who had a really dark spell with mental health I can see now more than ever my men see it as the only way out.

I tell this next part as I hope it has some parrells for others reading or if the time comes for you, you see them then.

I won't go into to any detail around why my mental health had gotten so bad because everyone suffers and everyone has their own levels of tolerance.

I was living in a block of flats in Central Manchester, my partner at the time had gone away for the weekend and I was on the 10th floor alone, low and with my thoughts.

I knew I didn't want to do it but I felt like I had no control in the matter, we had a small balcony that over looked Manchester out from some double doors.

I lay in bed worrying about what I might do if I fall a sleep and my subconscious mind takes over.

In the end I had to lock the door to the balcony and take they key down to the post box where I posted it through meaning me the key and access to the balcony where 10 floors apart.

It took me another several weeks of self work and forward momentum to step foot on the balcony but it was just in time for summer and I got to enjoy a morning coffee in cold wet summer of Manchester(if you know you know)

I thankfully was already working on myself at this stage and was able to compartmentalise thoughts as they came through and come up with a logically solution to an illogical time in my life.

I've since spoken to a lot more people about this evening and I'm not alone in having these types of thoughts when in a dark place

I'm again in a much better position and have developed tools and skills to help me get through and even prevent myself getting to these sorts of places again.