If you truly want the best for your children, give them the best of you.

I remember when I was pregnant with my first daughter 13 years ago. At the time, I was working in a senior leadership position for an advertising agency in Sydney. It was a fast-paced and stressful environment, and I often felt overwhelmed during my pregnancy.

When my beautiful daughter arrived, I was 40 years old. Despite all my reading and preparation, including preparing for a natural birth, she had to be delivered via C-section because she was breech and couldn't be turned. Even after her birth, I remained anxious, diligently following the routines outlined in "The Contented Baby" to establish good sleep habits for her.

My husband owned a busy restaurant and was gone from 7 am until midnight every day. We were like passing ships, and being away from family made me feel like a single mum. I remember when my mum came to visit from the UK. My daughter, cried a lot as a baby and my mum advised, "You have to let her cry; she has to learn to self-soothe." I decided to try it while she was there. I still remember my heart breaking as I listened to her scream for 40 minutes, popping in every 5 minutes to talk to her but not picking her up.

Breastfeeding was also a struggle, and I felt like a failure when I had to switch her to formula. I was determined to do everything "right," from breastfeeding to making fresh organic food when she started solids. But she eventually stopped eating the nutritious food I prepared. So I took her to a naturopath and nutritionist who mentioned my anxiety. At the time, I thought, "What are you talking about? I'm not anxious." I truly had no idea that I was.

Looking back, I can see how hard I was on myself, desperately trying to be the best mum and have the best baby. The expectations I placed on myself were immense, and I unintentionally projected them onto my daughter. I didn't know then what I know now about attachment theory and the importance of creating "safety" in the first seven years, or how trauma gets passed down.

My daughter absorbed all my anxiety, high expectations, and perfectionism. She became anxious too, mirroring my perfectionistic tendencies. I remember thinking she had OCD as she constantly rearranged her room, her books organized by colour and pattern. This was her way of gaining control and feeling safe in her environment.

I don't blame myself or beat myself up for that version of me. I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. In fact, I have so much compassion for that version of me. And if you're reading this and thinking, "Oh no, I've screwed my kid up"—please don't.

We all do the best we can with what we know, and it's only when we know better that we do better.

My experience with my second daughter was completely different. By then, I had done a lot of inner work and healing around my own wounds and trauma patterns. I was more present, grounded, and connected to myself.

Now, working with teenage girls and women who often struggle with anxiety, I understand that much of it stems from unmet needs in those first seven years of life.

I never had my emotional needs met in those first years, not because my parents didn't love me, they did the best they could. I remember being scared of the dark and crying myself to sleep, fearing someone would break in or that I would die. I saw these same fears in my daughter.

I don't have many memories of being soothed or my parents taking an interest in me as a person. It was all about what I did, my achievements, the grades I got, and being the good girl who wasn't allowed to express anger.

I unconsciously parented my daughter with the same pressure and expectations. Often, we're told that anxiety is a condition needing medication or that it's genetic or a chemical imbalance. While genetics play a role, no one talks about the environment we grew up in or how we energetically pass our wounds onto our children. When we don't feel emotionally safe, it creates disconnection.

The truth is, when we're disconnected from ourselves, we can't provide the deep connection our children need.

It doesn't matter what age you are—parent or grandparent—it's never too late to do the inner work and healing required to rebuild those connections with yourself, your children, and your partner.

If you truly want the best for your children, give them the best of you.

It 's probably the most important work you can do, and I'm so glad I did it. Now, I have deeper connections and am proud of the person and mother I have become. I'm not perfect, but I continue to evolve, grow, to love and live fiercely, because the greatest gift I can give my girls is to love life and myself.

If you're reading this and resonate and know its time to come home to yourself, to unbecome everything you thought you had to be to be loved and accepted, and want to more deeply connect with yourself and others. Reach out, let's have a chat.