Are you too scared to be successful?

It suddenly dawned on me the other day that I am going to be 51 years old next month.

50 resonates like a milestone that should be (and was) celebrated, but 51 sounds like the first station on the ‘over the hill’ branch line. 

So, it’s time to reflect on what I have achieved and start thinking about what I really should do with the rest of my life while I’m still capable (loosely speaking) of doing it.

Now, I certainly would not describe myself as a failure…I’ve had my share of fortune on life’s great journey but I’ve worked hard and stuck at it in the face of provocation and not allowed myself to be ground down by the narcissists who always seem to pop up like dandelions through the cracks in the concrete, just when you are thinking that things are all going rather well.

The biggest slice of luck to ever come my way happened when I was about 25. I endured something of a mixed education and I was an academic underachiever to the extent that I became accustomed to being labelled as ‘thick’ as a teenager. And, no matter how self-assured you are, repeated verbal abuse (although largely good natured) in your formative years will lead you to question your own abilities.

So, as I say, I was about 25 and working a telephone advice line for financial advisers when one day a colleague came over to me with a letter from an investor. This really shows my age because people still wrote letters when I was 25 and not just for the sake of creating a paper trail to legitimise a complaint…we received letters from people who just wanted a written explanation of how certain investments worked.

So, this colleague pointed to the question in the letter and asked me how I would answer it. I then picked up a piece of paper and scribbled down an answer. To my bemusement, my colleague then said

‘How can you just do that?’

‘Do what?’

‘Write a perfectly formed sentence without even appearing to think about it.’

‘Can’t you do that?’

‘No.’

Well, I was gobsmacked. The thick person that I was had apparently been afforded a talent for writing which wasn’t shared by the world’s best friend and his dog!

Since then I have largely made a career out of my ability to write and it is something I really enjoy doing, which makes me a very blessed individual. But, the big question is should/could I have made something more out of this talent?

Fear of failure

If somebody is successful at something, it counter-intuitively creates an 'entity' mindset. We carry on doing what we are good at in a ‘safe’ environment and try not to extend the boundaries through fear of venturing too far outside our comfort zone and subjecting ourselves to the possibility of failure.

This is particularly salient when you have been branded ‘thick’ as a teenager. ‘I’m already vastly exceeding everybody’s expectations of me…far better to stick than twist.’

I’ve learnt a lot since I was 25 and I like to think that I have improved as a writer every year since then.

But, the reality is that I haven’t ‘grown’ at all…I’m basically the same entity now that I was the day I was first alerted to my talent.

Scared of success

Being scared of succeeding is a far more insidious behavioural trait than fear of failure because it is more about apathy than anxiety.

If I write a book that becomes a best seller, I might have to talk to journalists, go on promotional tours…hell, I might even appear on television and that would necessitate something more than the briefest encounter between hairbrush and my overgrown follicles. I’d have to smarten myself up!

And, if I received a fortune in royalties, my long-suffering wife would finally gain the opportunity to move to a more salubrious dwelling that she has craved for years…I’d have to pack my stuff into boxes!

Give it your best shot

I’ll end on a serious note…Michael Bassey Johnson once wrote: ‘Prove to the world that you are alive. Let your words breathe life into the nostrils of the universe.’

I have been blessed with the ability to do just that and yet I haven’t even tried. What an absolute waste!

I’m going to set a goal to finish writing a book before my 52nd birthday.

It doesn’t matter if it is a best seller or never goes into print – at least I will be able to say that I gave it my best shot.