Are you too hard on yourself?

When something happens that doesn’t go as you have planned, do you usually blame yourself or others? 

As Go-Getters and High-Achievers, we tend to have a stronger tendency to blame ourselves when things go wrong.

Blaming yourself versus blaming others is also referred in personality psychology as having an Internal or External Locus of Control. (CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE TEST)

Here's a definition of the distinction between the two according to psychcentral.com.

"A person with an internal locus of control believes that he or she can influence events and their outcomes, while someone with an external locus of control blames outside forces for everything".

When you believe that you have influence over events or outcomes in your life, you may be harder on yourself... You may even blame yourself for things you can’t control... Which can potentially lead to greater anxiety or stress in your life…

How can you soften the blow of being too hard on yourself?

There is a simple concept that I want to share with you. It’s a concept taken from NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). The premise of NLP is that we all have our own world maps. 

How you view the world impacts how you live your life.

The practice of NLP requires you to withdraw yourself from the situation you are facing and to look at it from a 3rd person perspective.

Let me give you an example…

When you are faced with a situation that is challenging and you say to yourself, how come every time I try this I fail?

Ask yourself, what beliefs have I adopted that make me think that way?

Make a list of the beliefs you have around what you are doing and question yourself; are these beliefs serving me or not?

If your beliefs are not serving you, reflect on ones that will serve you instead and adopt them the next time something doesn't go according to your plan.