Are You Too Focused on Being Like Others?

“Don’t focus on what you aren’t. Focus on what you ARE and how you can use that to get where you want to be.”

“Comparison-itis” is an insidious disease. It is especially damaging in both the direct sales world and the professional speaking world, the two industries I have spent the past 24 years of my life in. But let’s be honest, it’s horrible in any arena of life. Chances are pretty good that in your life or career you have encountered someone you admired and might have been a tad bit envious of. When you compare yourself to them, it's natural to come up short in your own eyes and feel miserable because of it. Sometimes, the result of that is trying to duplicate what they’ve done, only better—which rarely works in your favor either.

Significant leaders have to reject the urge to compare themselves with others.

For me, this disease first reared its ugly head at home. My sister is the smartest, most accomplished woman I know. She worked hard and excelled at everything. Every quarter, my parents would post both of our report cards on the refrigerator—hers with a big smiley face on it and mine with “You can do better!” scrawled across it. 

It wasn’t until I was in treatment for my bulimia that I finally gave voice to the monster that was "comparison-itis." My sister was so good at everything she did, and I couldn’t see how I could possibly measure up. “That is the problem,” my counselor pointed out to me. She said, “It’s not a competition! Stop trying to be your sister. Stop trying to duplicate her efforts. Just be you.” Later, The Colonel convinced me that my job was to figure out my own strengths and use those to make my unique path in the world, not follow her path. “Don’t focus on what you aren’t,” he said. “Focus on what you ARE and how you can use that to get where you want to be.”

Fortunately, my sister and I have different skill sets, each very valuable to the world. As soon as I found those qualities that made me unique and useful, I was able to stop comparing myself to my sister. Furthermore, as we have grown as adults, my skills have proven valuable in shoring up areas that she is less adept in, and I actually help her out now and then.

That doesn’t mean I don’t still compare myself with others who are seemingly more successful, more competent, more accomplished than I am. I do. We all do. The challenge (and the reason why this disease is so insidious) is that when we compare ourselves with other people, we automatically compare our weaknesses to their strengths. We lose that comparison every time. Why would you do that to yourself? I try only to compare myself with my own best efforts. Then I can focus on improving upon those best efforts.

You can’t lead if you are trying to be someone else. You have a unique combination of gifts and abilities, and comparing yourself to someone else prevents you from using those abilities that are uniquely yours. Stop comparing.

Published originally in Colonels of Wisdom Vol 2 – A Daughters Reflection on Significance (Available Here)