Are you thinking of having coaching?

Why might you look for coaching? There are all the usual reasons:

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·????? It’s lonely at the top

·????? You need help managing stress and possible burnout

·????? Your company is gearing up for rapid growth

·????? You’re aware there are ‘people issues’ and ‘personality problems’ in the company and wonder if they’re anything to do with you

·????? You want a sounding board, someone to discuss the big decisions with

·????? You’re very committed to your own personal development and growth

·????? You’ve come to a turning point and are not sure what to do next.

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From my experience as an executive coach, there is another set of reasons which have to do with potentially deeper issues, and that is to do with patterns of behaviour. Let me illustrate.

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Do you ever find yourself asking any of these questions?

·????? Why do I always behave like that with that person?

·????? What is about that person that puts me on edge and makes me feel nervous?

·????? Why am I always less than my best in that situation?

·????? Why do I keep doing that? I know it doesn’t work, but I can’t stop.

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The chances are that you’re identifying a pattern of behaviour built up through a reaction to a situation or an event. This can go way back to our childhood and time at school.

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How do patterns come about? Something happens, whether good or bad and we tell a story about it, telling and retelling the story until we get the response we want and then the story is fixed and it’s the only story we ever tell about that situation. It then conditions our behaviour, to respond in a particular way. The archetypal example is breaking up with someone with whom you’ve been in a relationship, starting a new one and finding exactly the same problems.

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The other thing that can happen is when the event is too painful to talk about and we put it in a metaphorical trunk and never open the lid. We avoid ever being confronted with anything like that event and a pattern is set up to ensure it never happens again.

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The story needs to be retold in such a way that it breaks the pattern. Very often we don’t have insight into the story ourselves and someone (like a coach) needs to help us see it through their eyes. When we’ve got the insight, we then need to establish new patterns of behaviour and probably habits too which takes time but a coach can help support and challenge us until new patterns are learned.

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Of course, you have to want to break the pattern.

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What patterns are you aware of that are getting in your way?