If you tend to get angry about anything anywhere for any reason, this is for you.

If you tend to get angry about anything anywhere for any reason, this is for you.

A few minutes of unscripted thoughts on video before I share the article below...

The Power of the Pause Button

What happens to you is important, but your response to what happens to you is most important.

"Self-mastery is the hardest job you will ever tackle. If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self. You may see at the same time both your best friend and your worst enemy, by simply stepping in front of the mirror." ~ Napoleon Hill

From the hundreds of books I’ve read and thousands of hours of audio I’ve listened to, all related to leadership and personal growth and development, the principle behind the pause button is the single most important principle I have ever learned. This one principle alone changed my life.

If I had known about it in 1988, my climb up the ladder from the front lines would have started much sooner and been much quicker. It took me years to even get one foot on the ladder, much less start climbing it. I had A LOT to learn.

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space, humans have the ability to pause and choose their response.

I learned this from my first leadership book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Dr. Stephen R. Covey. Those words changed me instantly.

The fact I could choose my response to any stimulus had never crossed my mind. I was a very reactive, fly off the handle type of person. I used to say having a short temper runs in the family. What I discovered that day was irresponsibility runs in my family and a lot of other families too.

When I teach about stimulus and response, I refer to the pause button we all have. What I mean is this, we each have the ability to pause and choose our response when something happens. We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can always control our response to what happens to us.

We all respond to stimulus. Proactive people respond based on values in alignment with natural laws and principles. But, reactive people (short tempered like I used to be) respond based on feelings. Often, they don’t pause at all. They just react instantly to the feelings inside them like I did in the past.

Let’s look at an example from my days on the front lines.

It never failed, when I had planned something for the weekend, which was anytime I wouldn’t be able to volunteer to work the weekend, there would be times when I would be told at the last minute I needed to work. Like many others on the front lines with me at the time, I would get angry.

I was told to work overtime (stimulus) which I needed, and I still instantly got angry (response). In those days, I didn’t know I had a pause button. I had never even considered my values much less made a conscious decision to pause, consider them, and respond based on them. It happens instantly today.

But back then, things were different. My response was instant and based purely on my feelings. The feeling I didn’t want to work since I had plans not to work. The feeling this happened all the time. The feeling if they knew what they were doing we wouldn’t have to work, or at least they could have given me some notice. The feeling they could care less about me or my plans. And on, and on….

My results were also much different back then. Because of my constant personal growth and development, today I can earn more in a few hours speaking on leadership than I used to earn in an entire year on the front lines. I don’t say that to impress you. I have no need to impress you. I say it to motivate and inspire you to consider making some changes.

I always tell people, if you want dramatically different results, you must do things dramatically different. For many that read this book or the white-collar version MAXIMIZE Your Potential), applying the principles I’m teaching will be dramatically different.

If what I’m teaching you seems totally different than how you normally operate, I’m here to tell you big things are waiting for you if you’re willing to make some big changes. I know because I have transformed my life with these simple to understand but hard to apply principles. You and your family are worth the effort. Make it happen!

As I improve the man in the mirror, my results improve. Common sense right? But, doing it requires uncommon sense.

Many people are so reactive they won’t even consider nothing makes them mad other than themselves. If they can choose to be mad, they can also choose not to be mad. We’ve all told the lie, "So and so makes me so mad." That’s nothing but a lie. Many believe it to be truth. But, there are some people out there that know better. Being mad is a choice.

Back to the overtime issue. What would I do differently now?

First of all, I would understand I choose to walk through the door every day knowing how the company operates. Nobody makes me come to work. I would own that choice and all that comes with making it. I would always be positive.

I would consider the impact my behavior has on my #1 customer (the boss) and the impact he/she has on my future here and maybe even someplace else. I would know even if I don’t get along with my boss (I’d be working on that too, maybe it’s because I always complain about everything), it’s bigger than the relationship with the boss because other people are watching. Maybe, other bosses I would rather work with are watching or listening? But, because of the behavior they see and the word of mouth advertisement they hear from my boss in their closed door meetings, the other bosses have zero interest in working with me. I’m not even on their radar screen.

What would I do? I would rearrange my schedule without a complaint. The more we complain the less we obtain.

"If you do what is easy, your life will be hard. But if you do what is hard, your life will be easy." ~ Les Brown

Note: Ria and I are privileged to be teaching and speaking on my book, MAXIMIZE Your Potential: Unleashing the LEADER Within, during our opening keynote at the annual ATD (Association for Talent Development) Suncoast Conference in Tampa, FL on 9/22/2017. We hope to see you there! Learn more and register here.

FREE downloads and videos available:

Click here now for a FREE download of the entire leadership principle-packed Chapter 11, "Get Out of the Way and Lead" from the first book in my Demystifying Leadership Series: Defining InfluenceIn this nearly 20 page chapter, I share about:

·      Managing vs Leading

·      Scarcity vs Abundance

·      Formal Authority vs Moral Authority

·      The 5 Types of Leaders

·      Compare/Contrast 17 Manager vs Leader Perspectives

Click here to access the first 5 chapters of “Blue-Collar Leadership: Leading from the Front Lines.”

·      Ch. 1: I’m one of you.

·      Ch.2: I believe in you.

·      Ch.3: You’re in the perfect place.

·      Ch. 4: Common sense is never enough.

·      Ch.5: There is an “I” in Team.

Click here to visit and subscribe to my YouTube channel which has nearly 130 short videos based on leadership lessons similar to the one at the start of this article.

Click here to subscribe to Ria Story's YouTube channel where she shares videos on leadership, leadership for women, resilience, courage, adversity, etc.

Note: I encourage you to be a river, not a reservoir. Please share my blogs with others if you find value in them. I believe in abundance and write them to help others become more effective, successful, and significant.

Make an impact!

Mack Story

My passion is to help you live with abundance, achieve success, choose significance, and leave a legacy. In other words, I want to help you make a    High Impact!
Sam Swad

Family Physician

7 年

Still workin' on it!!!

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Emily Sevastou

Greek English Dutch Russian

7 年

Yes and then to conect your self with God great post

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Bala Rozario

Client management operations and Accounts payable executive.

7 年

So true Ria.

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