Are You Talking to Fill the Air?

Do you remember the last time you talked with your boss, co-worker, or subordinate? How much of that conversation were you genuinely listening to, and how much were you thinking about how terribly awkward the silence was between each talking point??

Going into each conversation, we might be in the mindset to help the other person stay comfortable and engaged, and that might mean filling the air in between questions, sighs, and those moments we are waiting for a reaction. This mindset may cloud us from fully engaging in the topics, hearing the other person completely, and, more importantly, making us look insecure within the conversation itself.?

Filling the air may not be the go-to resolution to creating a perfect conversation.?

Have You Been Filling the Air??

Talking to fill the air might look different for everyone and the specific conversation. The little “um”s, “ah”s, and “like”s are a simple and unassuming way you are creating unnecessary filler for your conversations. These small words and sounds bring on a level of hesitation, doubt, and nervousness that can overcloud the real point of the discussion. Chances are you might not even realize you’re doing it. However, when you start to train yourself out of it, you may begin to feel, and sound, more confident when speaking and about the topics being discussed.?

One of the more significant ways to fill the air in conversations is unnecessary comments or questions. Think of the last time you requested a document, file, or answer from someone on your team. As they were thinking or looking, and inevitably silence filled the air, did you comment on their curtains? Or maybe the sports game that was on last weekend. Or about a funny thing your dog did. All of these are examples of filling the air, and all of them can be considered unnecessary fluff. They don’t get your answer any quicker, and in the end, neither you nor the other person may be paying too much attention to the off-hand comment anyways. These comments can be distracting and deter from the actual conversation.?

Why Might You Be Doing This?

While the motive for filling the air may come from optimistic motivations, it may stem from feeling the need to keep the other person entertained, engaged, and interested in you. With no conversation and a brief moment of dead air, it may create the need to keep the conversation fruitful, leaving all parties satisfied. However, whatever is said to fill the air is never going to be as important, and, in the end, it may be regretted as something you overshared or knew was unnecessary after the fact.??

Whether it is someone you just met or a member of your team, there will always be a part of you that hopes to make them enjoy and like you. Dead air in between conversations can bring feelings of anxiousness and insecurity, which will cause you to fill the gaps with useless talk. When dead air starts, the fear of not being interesting, insightful, or labeled as the creator of awkward silences may become too much.?

In the end, the fear of being perceived as a bad conversationalist may take over and cause unnecessary fluff and questions to spill out when no one needs it. Changing this habit can be easy for those who want to better themselves. Figuring out the trigger of filling the air is simple. It’s silence in a conversation. If you feel the need to talk about pets, sports, decor, or make a small joke, it might be time to reevaluate. It may only be you who feels it necessary, and if that is the case, it is time to cut the habit.?

Take Pride in the Silence

Silence in a conversation can be seen as a strength. As you let the conversation have its silent moments, you are also building trust with the person on the other end. You show them that you respect them enough to wait and hear what they have to say. There is no need to jump ahead or push them to answer; silence allows others to process and analyze their next words. Giving them the space to do that can show great trust and respect.?

Silence is also a way to allow words to marinate. Whether it's you or them talking, if there is a silence in between, it gives all parties the chance to sit with the words and better understand them before responding. You may get more thorough and invested conversations when there is more silence between words.

Allowing silence can also portray you as more confident within the conversation. If you ask a question or state something, the silence between responses can show that you are confident in what you said and have no doubts about reliability and correctness. This can show others in the conversation that you clearly understand topics, problems, and situations and give them a chance to hear you more clearly without the possible fluff filling the air.??

Here at Wickham James, we are there to help build leaders and strong teams, whether it's helping grow relationships or perfecting conversations. If you, or someone you know, would like to learn more, feel free to reach out to me!